What Now?
He was 45 when they married. At 29, she was 16 years younger. He’s not my best friend but we were friends enough for me to be invited to their wedding. That was 5 years ago. A good age difference, I said. That is how I prefer it as well. To avoid confusion, let’s call them John and Mary.She was a likeable girl; pleasant and friendly. When they met, she was involved with a no-good scoundrel (let’s call him Peter) who is unemployed more often than employed. She dropped him like a hot potato. The new love grew fast and 10 months later, John and Mary were married. Her two children from a previous marriage were about 8 and 5 at the time. From what I understand, they adore John. All seemed well.
About a year ago, I went to a pub in Parow. I grew up in Parow and go there quite often. To my surprise, I saw Peter and Mary at the far end of the counter. I may have assumed it an innocent or coincidental meeting, was it not that they were holding hands. I pretended not to notice them and went to the toilet. When I returned, they were gone. They left their drinks. I asked the bartender if they come there often and she said yes. Note that Peter lives in Parow but John and Mary lives in Goodwood.
Since then I saw them together several times; always in Parow, usually very cozy and holding hands. The last time was in a clothing store. They were at the men’s clothing, he fitting shoes. She had several garments in her arms. I was with a friend and he wanted a pair of jeans. While he was looking, I went back to the lovebirds but they were gone. She dropped merchandize right there on a shelve.
I had a look at it. Two pairs of trousers, four shirts, a six-pack of undies, and 4 pairs of socks. All good quality brand names. My blood boiled. This a**hole had no way of paying for those goods. As if it is not enough that she was cheating, she was buying her lover clothes on her husband’s account.
How do I proceed from there? If I ignore it, I become part of the plot and I'm betraying a friend. I can tell him straight but what if she comes clean with him and he forgives her. Then I’m the wolf in the story who wanted to break up their marriage. I decided to talk to her.
I called her the next day and set up a meeting at a coffee shop. It is not what you think it is, she said as she sat down at the table. So she knew what it was about. I’m sure it is not but it is going to end just the same, I said. If not, I will send the pics I took to John. I never took any pics but she did not know that. This was about six weeks ago. I don’t know if it ended, I have not seen them together again but they may be more discreet now. Perhaps even meeting in another suburb.
So, perhaps I went about it the wrong way, but what else could I do? Let’s just hope that she has come to her senses. John is a good guy.
Enjoy the day.
Comments (55)
Are you a Spy, too?
yep, I just came in from the cold.
Boy! It is cold and wet in Capetown. Brrr!
Then Stop! Following Mary.
Stay out of the cold...
Sometimes telling someone about things like this. Brings more harm then good. A, Someone can get hurt/ killed. Or B, Your friend can get upset. But! Still be with Mary. And distance himself from you. Now! You and John, is without friendship.
You is not betraying John. Mary is! You is not married to him. Mary is married to John. ( IMO)
I would also want to know but some people don't. You can easily end up as the villain.
I have no time for lying, BS etc. and that would include people like that.
That is why I did not want to approach John directly. But the way I was brought up, you become part of the wrong is you know about it and do nothing. You do not have to be a snitch but you must do something. I tried. Whether it was right or wrong, still remains to be seen. I don't really care if she was hurt by my actions. She was doing the wrong stuff, not anybody else. She was even putting her own children's well being and happiness at risk.
The problem is that you usually learn too late who is who. by then the damage is done.
You also presume John didn't know about it.
She said it isn't what you think, before issuing threats, I would have asked her what it was about then. The answer may not have been as you pre-supposed. Of course now you have threatened, you will never know.
If it was something John knew about, of course Mary told him you threatened her. John may give chilly reception if you contact him. Otherwise if John knows nothing about it you feel you have to do more and you speak with him, just tell him you have seen Mary with Peter on several occasions. And leave it there. He may or may not choose to discuss it with her, but you will have filled all obligations, but since he wasn't that good a friend, per your first paragraph, I don't see why you got involved anyway.
You have already had to talk with her. What else are you suppose to do! You are not Mary & John, marriage counselor. But! Anyway. It's kind of like a catch 22. Dare if you do! And dare, if you don't.
Or! " If I coulder, woulder shoulder!"
It is amazing how some people can exploit others in the name of love. It is even more amazing how naive we can be when we are in love. Love makes fools of us as we break all our own rules and resolutions.
If I drive along in my car and see a stranger being mugged, I stop to help. And this is exactly what happened here. She was not only stealing his love but also his hard earned cash. We may not be best friends but I have known him for many years. There is no BS about him. He will not tolerate BS like this and there is no ways that he would support a bum. No, I have no regrets about interfering. I'm just not sure if I did it the right way.
Well! Now. If you happen to see Mary & Peter again together. What do you think your next step would be in this matter?...
John is a good guy indeed. He doesn't check where his money nor wife goes.
As I said, this is a no BS guy. This happened a few weeks ago and if she told him anything, he would have called me a long time ago. I'll bet my bottom dollar that he knows nothing about it. Maybe I should call on him sometime. You know, just a courtesy visit 'while I was in the area'. After all, while not a best friend, he is a bit more than just an acquaintance.
Hmm, it is always a possibility and more so when a younger girl marries an older guy.I have no problem if a woman marries a man for his but of money but then she must be a good wife to him and be prepared to wait.
But! Some do.
Adding that some men's have both.
Question!
WHO's to say that! John is not seeing someone else. Now! If you ever see John, with someone else. Would you want to tell Mary about it too?...
I'm just thinking out loud here!
This philandering happens in the day while he is at work. I have never seen her without her husband at night, I bet she is a very dutiful and devoted wife when he is at home. Why should he not trust her with his finances? It is fairly normal for us (in SA) to leave the finances to our wives.
How could you have told her that.
Don't you know that VD can jump up to 2 meters from the toilet seat.
Yes they do... until the going gets rough.
Don't worry. If the friendship was hanging on such a thin thread, it was not worth it in any way. If you try to help and it is not appreciated, pick up your anchor and hoist the sails. Unknown water brings new adventures.
And how do we know that! The money that Mary is spending on Peter, is John's money?!
Meaning! It could have just been her own money!
I'm still just thinking out loud!...
She does not work. But his money or her money is immaterial. A spouse may not dispose of common property without the consent of the other spouse. If a spouse gives away anything to anybody without the consent of the other, be that to a friend, family, a lover or anybody, it is theft. You cannot give away what is not yours and the person receiving the contraband is also guilty of theft. Think about it, If you were married, would you be happy if your husband uses money he won on the horses to buy his lover new clothes? I think not.
I'm done talking to her. I don't want her to confess. She only needs to stop. What he does not know about, cannot hurt him but if the need arise, as a last resort, I will tell him.
Just Because Mary Doesn't Work!
Do not means that! She do not have her own money. And if I had a husband that did that. Fine! As long as if she or he wasn't his lover. But! Just helping someone out. I do it sometimes! To help others out.
Also! You stated that, Mary said that, it wasn't like that at all.
She was nervous as hell and did not challenge me at all. If she had nothing to hide she would have told me to do my worst. But what happened? Either they went underground or they stopped seeing each other. They are no longer seen together. In fact, I have not seen either of them since our chat. Why stop seeing each other in the open if it was not what I thought? She just thought that nobody in Parow will recognize her.
Awww! Shocks buck...
Just maybe you broke them up after all....
Hey
If i was wearing your shoes i would had informed John but in a way to make sure he knows all that or not!
Approaching Mary is not so good option!............ it resulted as obstruction to your detective skills
I don't plan to police them. I don't have the time for that. I just wanted to put the fear of God into her. She has much to lose. However, this was only a yellow card. Should it happen that I see them together again, I will take a step further and go digging in my pocket for a red card.
Yep, three messengers sent to Barbarossa by the Lombard league to negotiate comes to mind. Two were blinded and the third had his nose cut off. Not to follow his nose while leading the other two home. Messengers were often shot if the news was bad.
But I do think, now that you told her, you should let your friend know. She and Peter will otherwise make a mockery of both of you.