A New Presidential Candidate For South-Africa
I know it is still a long time before the next general election but there is a lot of work to be done. With a fair number of South Africans here, what better place to start my campaign? And maybe to gain some international support as well. I don’t have any experience in running a country but I was class captain in Grade 1. Surely, that must be a recommendation.As we all know, election campaigns are based on empty promises and (here in Africa) one or two serious threats. Something like: If we lose the election, it is back to the struggle. Unlike promises, threats have to be real. All I can threaten is to have my backside sewn up and then to eat enough bean stew. I will start farting and with no vent, I will blow up like a balloon until I burst, causing the biggest shit storm this country has ever seen. Mind you, with all the shit stories coming from our current politicians, it will cause no more than a storm in a teacup. But it will have to do.
I don’t have to make empty promises like a new stove, fridge, or 6 million new job opportunities. I have a few plans to make it work. We’ll start by restructuring government service. A survey in the not so distant past revealed that 90 percent of our forces in uniform are unfit for their duties. Those who were not HIV positive, were over weight or on chronic medication. Disband the defense force and hand them over to social services to be cared for. One portfolio closed and one minister fired. What a massive tax saving!
Ditto for the police. They are ineffectual and forever out of transportation. Some police officers are so obese that they cannot get into a vehicle. How do they expect to chase criminals? Social Services can look after them too. Naturally, the courts-of-law must follow. There will be no work for them. All legal staff will be phased out on early pension. Their job can be done equally well by our our kangaroo courts. This is Africa. Jungle justice will prevail. And another minister bites the dust.
Then local government must go. They deliver very little (if any) municipal services and nobody will notice it if they are not there anymore. Give them their salary and let them stay at home. In that way, they will not need official transportation to sit at home all day. The traffic police too can sit under trees in their own backyards.
Of course, such reform makes it possible to streamline education. The abolishment of grades 6, 8 & 10 will jettison pupils into the labor market three year earlier than before. A saving of 25% on school fees to the parents. Besides, with the closure of the earlier mentioned structures, there will be no employment for people leaving school after passing grade 8 or 10. As an added bonus, it will push up our unemployment figure. We do want it higher, don’t we? It will assure a lot of foreign aid in no time.
Tax cuts? No, not likely. You must understand that this is Africa. Over and above the colossal salary that I will award to myself, there will have to be enough money to pilfer after the people I appoint as ministers.
With the fifty or so votes from friends and family, I only need to recruit another 20 million votes to be safe. A tough task but then I did not expect it to be easy otherwise every second a**hole would have been president… not only the complete a**hole, as is the case now.
Enjoy the new week. It should be fun.
Comments (36)
the good thing about running a country is resume has to
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Thank you. I knew I could count on you. It is great. Only 19,999,999 votes to go.
The trend was set in 1948. You need to have been incarcerated for a few years to become a politician. The more scandals behind your name, the better coverage you will get. It is an area where I lack a bit but it is never too late to start. Taking six wives will be a good starting point.
Is he also running? I thought he was a football coach.
I'm running for prez! In the USA. On Robert blog.
And so far! I'm Winning.
The thing is! When running for President. Is to be truthful! But not to be honest. And my logo is:
I truthfully promise to please myself!....
So! As long as I'm happy. The people will be happy too!
" Because What makes me happy. Will make them happy for me!"...
Pepper! For Prez.
I will vote for you!
But the catch22 is:
You have to vote for me, as President of the USA! OK?__
I though he was looking for a new president for FIFA. I hope you win.
Never Mind Robert!....
I'm using his blog as a sounding board!
I fear you lost me. What is a sounding board?
It is a place where you uses it to speak out!
duh!....
Opens up job market
Great for housing market
Great for car trade
Great for TV sales
Huge boost to economy all round.
Plus, being over 50, I think it a very fine idea
Not everyone can pull off that sort of stunt. Um ...
Got you!
And the parcel. Cute!
It sounds workable. We must try it here. If I can siphon off 1 million from everybody I should make a good living.
The UN presents a problem. their emblem resembles a flat earth. And we know that leads to flat heads.
I'm going crazy!!
I hope I have better subjects.
Viv,
he read your comments on my previous blog.
Our president is doing better. Just last week he wrote off a swimming pool and a chicken pen as fire fighting and security measures.
My country is not ready for that. Should I just suggest it, it will put paid to all my aspirations of becoming President. They will banish me to Tristan da Cunha.
Membership is non-negotiable, Your options are to join by consent on refusing that My secret police have ways of making you comply.
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My simple comment here, my joyful reading at this raining day.
PS; Good morning to you from here
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I'm on my horse, late already. Must go now. 09:30 here
New positions bring new responsibilities and when you're up there you don't have much time to spend with mortals. But I'm sure I'll find the time to pop in from time to time. And I will certainly instruct my security police to monitor this site. Just for in case somebody tries to usurp my position.
Cat, please be a new presidential candidate for Myanmar.
I asked my security police to trace your whereabouts and learned that you are at what used to be called Burma.
I have not anticipated a branch in the East but if we can raise enough taxes and secure enough foreign aid in a way that I can lay my hands on it, we can discuss it.