In The Event Of A Nuclear Attack

With all the madmen on our planet, the possibility of a nuclear attack has never been more real. Quite a few countries are in possession of nuclear warheads and are capable of delivering them anywhere in the world. Terrorist groups may soon find a leader insane enough to provide them with the necessary hardware.

For us, living in some of the poorer countries, there is no hope, but if your country possesses an early warning system, even if you only have a few minutes to act, you can make the most of it if you can keep your head.

Simply follow these steps when you receive the first warning, but hurry; you may not have much time.
1. Stay clear of all windows.
2. Switch off all appliances; electric, gas or otherwise.
3. Shut off the electric and gas supply. Not the water.
4. Put out all cigarettes, candles, and open fires.
5. Start filling the bath and basins with cold water.
6. Remove spectacles, contact lenses, hearing aids and tampons.
7. Empty pockets of all sharp objects such as pens and pencils.
8. Loosen neckties, brassieres, corsets, and shoelaces.
9. Unbutton coat and any other restrictive clothing.
10. Take shelter under a strong table and wait for the blast.
11. Immediately upon seeing the brilliant flash of nuclear explosion, bend over and place your head firmly between you legs.
12. Then, if you have the time, kiss your azz goodbye.

I hope you have the time to follow these simple steps. It is unlikely that it will help, but at least you will arrive at the other side, knowing that you tried your best.

You don't have to pay me for this valuable advice. I render it as a free service in the interest of survival.