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Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.

Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money but he told her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”

So Lena valked across, got the beer at da yeneral store, den walked back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole his beer, she asked him, “Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn’t you yust give me some money?”

Ole replied, “Vell, I didn’t vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I vasn’t sure how tick the ice vas yet.”

Hello












: cartwheel:



HELLO

This has gone viral and I'm sure most of you have watched it by now!




Hope you are enjoying your Sunday and have a great week ahead!

The store with something for everybody.

Classic comedy.

WHAT YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO!

Pay attention....this could be you....!

A few years ago, I moved into a retirement development on
Florida 's southwest coast. I am living in the "Manasota/Englewood Beach Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club
on Lake Fake-a-Hachee".

There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

My biggest retirement concern was time management. What was I going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.

My days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of the car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where I parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: I get up at 5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Gas-Passers Club.

There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, I go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

I go directly to the pool for my underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before I know
it, it's time for lunch.

I go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if I
don't have any doctor appointments, I might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.

I am usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but I get there by
3:45 because I am a late eater.

The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
I can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm I am home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm
I am fast asleep. Then I get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of my retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until I am connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget I am holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

(continued in comment section)

Enjoy!!!!



makes great stocking stuffers for Christmas

April Fools day has become extraordinary for one unexpected reason - it is now the only day of the year that people query news items on the internet before accepting them as true



So, a supermarket chain announced a new app that will let you taste-test products by licking your phone

Another app, the phone-home which lets you not only talk to your plants, but they can let you know if they need more water / light / air

Dipping hot chillis in chocolate and offering them to your kiddies as chocolate-covered strawberries

The usual numpties phoning the emergency services to report an emergency oh ha ha

Seems to have been a quiet one this year, anyone hear of a good one?

I am wallpapering stairs (no, I really am) so shall be popping in and out. That is if I can unstick myself from my keyboard this time.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After over a year of courtship, Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy and White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki have announced they are finally tying the knot.

"Um, on a personal note, I would like to announce that I will soon be stepping down to marry Peter Doocy," said Psaki at the end of a recent press conference. "I believe, and the President agrees, that this is the best course of action for me at this point in time."

Doocy then jumped up from his seat in the press pool and then did a fist pump before aggressively questioning the Press Secretary. "Excuse me," he said, "don't you think it's a little hypocritical to host a lavish wedding ceremony to me in D.C. when so many people are struggling? And don't you think it's a conflict of interest to marry someone in the press?"

"No further questions," said Psaki with a twinkle in her eye and a shy smile before exiting the stage.

"Ugh, finally," said CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins. "The crackling tension whenever those two were in the room together was overpowering. It makes it really hard for the rest of us to do our jobs when those two are bickering so adorably and making eyes at each other constantly. Get a room, you two! Also, Congratulations."

Doocy and Psaki will host a lavish wedding in the nation's capital, where all VIPs on the Left and the Right except for Lauren Boebert will be invited to attend.

**************************************
Brenda O'Malley is
home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where is my husband?”
”That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. "there was an accident down at the Guinness
brewery…"
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is
dead and gone.I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How
did it happen, Tim?""
It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stoutand drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He
got out three times to pee.”

This came from email and could be based on facts...Just read, hoping you don't recognize anyone here and be grateful that you don't!

ONE: Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

(And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)


TWO:
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)


THREE:
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

(Keep shuddering!!)


FOUR:
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself !!!


FIVE:
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Brunette, by the way!!


SIX:
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'



Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'


SEVEN:
At a Program Review meeting in Atlanta, The company VP asked one of her employees, a young blonde with a degree in Computer Science, to please take the minutes of the meeting.

At the end of the meeting the VP asked the young lady for the minutes and the young lady replied "Yes, the meeting lasted 3 hours and 45 minutes."