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'Cause they are very forgetful.



Fortunately - there still exist some nice potato wafer makers with excellent memories.

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice coming. 'There's plenty of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. 'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.

'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.

'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.

'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said the March Hare.

'I didn't know it was your table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great many more than three.'

'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some severity; 'it's very rude.'



I could go on, of course, but I was told CS is a world through the looking glass, and I found the above scene and yup it is.

This morning I received a huge shock, I had decided to carry out an unannounced quality and performance audit on myself.

I paced frantically as I audited myself, after I had finished my self audit I waited anxiously for the results, I failed!

I looked at the list of corrective actions I had given myself and was devastated at how bad I had done.

I know that if I dont complete these corrective actions I will end up being an inferior version of a superior version of myself.

Have you ever carried out an unannounced audit on yourself, and what was your result?

Some things we may agree with!

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.


I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.


I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?
Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented....I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being over 50. I learn something new every day.......and forget 5 others.

A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW! Right?

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
:

Hillary Clinton addressed a major gathering of the Apache Indian Nation. She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. Though vague in detail, she spoke about her ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers."

Afterwards, the Tribes presented her with a plaque inscribed with her new Native American name, "Walking Eagle", which she proudly accepted.
After Hillary left, a news reporter asked the chief how they came to select this name.

They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of s*** that it can no longer fly!

My Business.......
A father walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.

He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man takes hold of the kid and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand.

The man then walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son was fine, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.

The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the thanks.

As he's about to leave, the father asks one last question. "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"No" the man replies, "I work for the IRS, getting people to cough it up is my business." :

Good for a chuckle....


Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GOD!"

Silence followed.......................

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled “




"For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!"

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