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Most Viewed Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Viewed, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.

Gentlejim

Older Women

(I LOVE THIS!)



SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.

AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A
YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A
BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN,
HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"

THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD
BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.

THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --
STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING,
HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.

THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE
DESERT AIR.

THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.

THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.

THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE
QUIETLY SAID,

"SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S a**?"

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO."

THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...

And that's a fact!



I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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KNenagh

Some choice here ladies!

Handsome men to chat to - who is the one for you? flower

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Crazyheart38

Really Need To Get Laid...

I'm not myself these days...working too hard and not getting enough sleep...and that greatly affect my libidodoh

Busy at work here and just accidentally voided a big order that took a lot of effort to process and set up for shipment. Have to do it all over again and I'm not going to do it right nowsnooty Also, I sent documents to the wrong person, luckily it's not something that could put anyone in jeopardydoh

Today, I scolded my son for watching stupid youtube videos posted on FB. I told my kid to "stop wasting time on stupid BLOGS!" that made me feel guilty.

Days ago, I picked fight with the jerk, complaining of not seeing him for 6 long months...I completely forgot he was here last monthdoh that made him wonder if he's that forgettablelaugh and a while ago, I told him to get at least 12 hours sleep to delay his dementiarolling on the floor laughing

They said sex can fix anything...you agree?giggle
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Catfoot

Water Vs Wine

To all my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…
And those who are always seen with a bottle of purified water in their hand.

As I always say:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
but in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilogram of Escherichia Coli – that is the bacteria that we find in shit. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilogram of shit per year.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer, tequila, rum, whiskey or any other alcoholic beverage, because alcohol has to go through a purification process including, but not limited to, boiling, filtering, evaporation, distillation and fermenting.

Remember then:
blues Water is Shit.
laugh Wine is Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk a little shit,
than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service in the interest of a cleaner and healthier lifestyle.
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Catfoot

Talking To Yourself?

Do you talk to yourself? I grew up believing that it is the first sign of insanity but apparently it is not so bad. Only when you have full conversations with yourself, you need to get worried. It may be a sign of schizophrenia.scold

Normal conversation is defined as verbal exchanges between two or more persons; therefore talking to oneself can hardly be described as conversation though politicians, preachers, parents, teachers, and the likes of them often talk to themselves, believing that those who are being addressed by them are actually listening.laugh

My friends too often talk to themselves when we sit in a noisy place. Being somewhat hard of hearing, I cannot hear a thing when there is noise or music in the background. I learned to watch their facial expressions and I have developed a set of gestures, headshakes, and more facial expressions that I use to return conversation while they are blissfully unaware that they are talking to nobody but themselves.grin

Then of course, there are those who talk to the TV set. Discounting voice recognition technology to change channels, we all know that neither the TV, nor the person(s) displayed on the screen can hear or respond to you. Yet, you will often find people warning those on the screen of impending dangers, while coaches will sit on their couches in their lounges coaching their teams to victory or defeat. rolling on the floor laughing

This does not conform to the definition of normal conversation and must also be seen as talking to oneself. It is just as well those players cannot hear their coaches sitting on their couches; they damn well won’t know who to listen to.confused

But the clever people say that talking to oneself is not limited to verbal speech. Writing is also talking to yourself if it is not addressed to somebody in particular. Mind you, that sounds familiar. I have seen some blogs and comments doing exactly that; sometimes asking questions only to answer them as well in the next comment.doh
cats meow cats meow

Well, enjoy the weekend or what is left of it.wave
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zmountainmanonline today!

He's the only one that fits the bill.

Reading through profiles of women on my home page I see most have demands us lessor mortals could never meet, doh non smoker, must like dancing & travel, own hair & teeth uh oh love of animals & grandchildren, good sense of humour, financially independent etc etc, the list goes on, having given it some thought I've realised they're all looking for the same man doh the only one that fits all the criteria professor






rolling on the floor laughing
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micleeonline now!

58,000th BLOG!!!

peace

cake

beverage delivery...pizza...burger...popcorn

partypartypartypartyparty

popcorn...drinking
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Johnny_Sparton

Perhaps the biggest mystery of all mankind

So I hop out of the shower. Standing naked in front of the mirror, I start brushing my teeth. Okay, next, I grab for the Q-tips. You know, you gotta keep your ears clean. Following all that, I grab my pit spray. Spraying my pits, it hits me. What the hell purpose does a man's nipples serve? Why do men have them? Hmmmmmmmm????? I thought they would have a purpose if I pierced them. laugh

The only thing I can think of, do women get sexually aroused from a man's nipples? Otherwise, what in the world are they there for?

I will be leaving here shortly for dinner but I will be responding to comments when I get back.
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Crazyheart38

When/How Does $ Affect/Influence Your Relationship

Money plays a very important role in a relationship. I'm sure many won't date someone who is jobless and financially in trouble. Many will go for someone who's financially stable but how and when could we find out one's financial status? How would that affect your relationship ?

When I met the father of my son, I was forced to give up my good job and financially rely on him. In Arab culture, man is the provider, no question about it. He took care of all our needs and wants ..and more. In the eyes of many, I was very luckydancing In their culture, we had to signed a pre-nup agreement...how much he will give me on that day we sign that contract that binds us together and how much he will give me when we divorce...all in black and white...loud and clearlaugh

When we unexpectedly file for divorce, I waved everything, just want everything to be done and over with...lucky himlaugh but he insisted on paying everything that we need after the divorce...housing, food, allowances and everything my son needs. That sounds really nice...but we had to share custody of my son and I had to follow his rulesfrustrated it didn't work for me...I want my freedom and live my life the way I want. After countless fights and arguments, I finally live my life ...got a good job,got a raise, make my own money, pay my own house, spend on myself and son...freedom and fun...feels greatyay

When I met my jerk, he knows I'm not rich and financially not in his level. It was never an issue, in fact, it was one of the factor that brought us closer. He always insisted on paying for everything. I buy him some presents but he always surprises me with thoughtful little presents and expensive gifts when he was here and even after he left. He would bring me many presents that he bought on his trips and bring them to me when he comes here. He paid for our flights and hotels when my son and I went for a 2 months holiday. Even sent me copies of his credit cards and IDs in case I would need them. He paid the rent when I moved to this new house and insisted on buying new furniture as my house warming/birthday/Christmas present.

I'm not the materialistic type, I would date a penniless man as long as he's trying to find a jobsmitten I will live in a tent with the man I love as long as we are together. My jerk is very open when discussing about finances and tend to give me advise on how to be smart when it comes to money. He makes more money than I do, he's ok with it, it doesn't bother him but I'm not ok with it and it bothers me a lot. I feel bound to all those financial things he invested in this relationship...he said he's happy giving me things and feels good to see me happy... as long as I pay him in back rubs...and the going rate is 1 Peso/minute...that means I will be paying him for lifedoh rolling on the floor laughing This is one of the reason why I'm still in this LDR. Don't get me wrong, I love my jerk. My point is that...those presents and financial support he gave me never represent money or security to me at all...I can buy what I need and what I want and don't have to feel obligated to anyone. It's just that in so many ways it make me feel that he truly cares about me.sigh

How much does your love cost?laugh Don't mean this in a bad way... I'm just being myself..crazyheart wings teddybear
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