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The bible says a fool says in his heart there is no God,
and then it says stay away from fools .

Well thanks be to "LOGIC" for that loophole.

Now all we have to do to avoid these bull shit opinionated blogs and bloggers is state that fact in the headline of our blogs.

Then Hey-presto
No more condescending preachers bearing a well hidden ill willed insult within a message of so called good wishes.

Logic !

I love reading these blogs. Remind me of infant school. Please please carry on making my day.

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:

“In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”

In a flash of lightning God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.

Remember,” said the Lord: “You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.

“Noah,” he shouted…“Where is the Ark?”

“Lord, please forgive me,” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems: First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm to redraw the plans”.

“Then I got into a fight with the Fire Marshall and OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the local planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl…but, I finally convinced the U. S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls, so, no owls.”

“Then the carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard mumbling something about “Obama and fairness”".

“Just when I finally got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. So I sent them a globe”.

“Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country and not pay taxes. I then got a notice from a state revenue agent that I owe them some kind of user tax because I failed to register the Ark as a “recreational water craft.” And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it’s a religious event, and, therefore, “unconstitutional”. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least…another five or six years.”

Noah then waited for a response from the Lord…

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

“You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

“No,” He said sadly.”

“I don’t have to. The government already has.”

My girlfriend Amelia is great in bed, as a pillow!

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked..

"To get my teeth!"

This is not original, it is adapted from the Creed of the Facebooker. I was struck by how much we have in common.



I believe I know everything

I believe everyone has the right to my opinion

I believe everyone who does not share my opinion is a deluded cretin, unless they are a CS friend, in which case they are amusingly eccentric and their odd foibles can be overlooked. It is for other CS bloggers to point out that they are barking.

It is my right to believe my GF is extraordinary, my pet brilliant, my views intelligent and my religious opinion the only one any sane reasoning person could consider rational.

You do not have the right to challenge my beliefs. Sorry, them’s the breaks.

I believe it is impossible to sing the creed to the tune of ‘I believe I can fly’. I have tried.

..............Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." .. .. .. ..-----------------------------------------------------------------------Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.

NEW YORK, NY — District Attorney Alvin Bragg is reportedly set to indict Trump this coming Tuesday for the removal of a mattress tag back in 1997. According to sources, new evidence was discovered in the mattress tag cold case by grizzled Detective Harry Jakes, who utilized modern advances in forensic science to place former president Donald Trump at the scene of the crime.

"We got him dead to rights," said Bragg in an unnecessary press conference. "No one removes a mattress tag in my city and gets away with it!"

The mattress tag in question belonged to a Spring Air Conforma Foam mattress from '97, which historians claim featured a warning label advising mattress tags to not be removed:

Do Not Remove by Penalty of Law Except by the Consumer



In a surprise move, Trump has not denied the troubling accusation, though he maintains doing so was not illegal. "The tag says 'except by consumer.' I am a huge consumer. Probably the greatest consumer ever, and I had every right to remove that tag. The deep state is trying to dig up anything they can just to keep me from reclaiming the presidential throne."

"Witch hunt!"

Independent fact checkers have rated Trump's claim "a bald-faced lie," citing the fact that the president does not sit on a throne. Also, he is Trump and that is bad. The fact-check article does not make mention of the mattress tag issue directly, but does note, " broke both federal and international laws probably."

A United Nations committee has been assembled to investigate whether the matter qualifies as a war crime.

"This is an open and shut case. Now he'll never be president. I did it!" Bragg claimed before quickly correcting himself. "I mean, no one is above the law."

At publishing time, Trump's approval polling surged among mattress consumers who have long been befuddled by the mattress tag warning.

I put this under the heading of..Comedy



Like a lot of Americans, each morning in elementary and high school, I to stand up before the U.S. flag, put my hand on my heart, and pledge allegiance to the United States of America. While it was a mindless routine for most of us, the meaning behind the ritual was clear: that the U.S. was exceptional, a beacon of liberty and justice in the world. But after considering the trail of blood, coups and bombs that continues to follow the U.S. flag wherever it flies, it’s safe to say that the U.S. is exceptional in many things; liberty and justice are not among them.

Take the following statistics: Roughly 405,000 people have been killed as a result of the violence and infrastructure damage of the U.S.-led War in Iraq. The U.S. is number two, behind Russia, in its nuclear weapons stockpile, with 7,400 warheads (Third is France, with 300.) The U.S. leads the world in military spending, with more than $7.6 trillion spent on the military and homeland security since 9/11. Washington is also a major threat to its own citizens: the U.S. is the world’s largest incarcerator of people, both in numbers and in proportion to its population, with 2.3 million in prison, 1 million of whom are African American.

Much of the violence around the world today can be linked back to U.S. imperial adventures abroad. The rise of ISIS in Iraq has been traced to the US war in the country. In an article on ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the New York Times explained, “At every turn, Mr. Baghdadi’s rise has been shaped by the United States’ involvement in Iraq – most of the political changes that fueled his fight, or led to his promotion, were born directly from some American action.” As far as the recent terrorist attack in France, University of Michigan History Professor Juan Cole writes that one of the attackers was pushed toward “fundamentalist vigilanteism” by the war in Iraq and by Abu Ghraib torture. The wave of drug war-related violence sweeping Latin America is also directly tied to the U.S. role in militarizing the region in the name of the war on drugs, a conflict which since 2006 has taken over 100,000 lives in Mexico alone.