Do you know? I have had five mails telling me I am not a bad mother and I must not feel guilty for the wrongs things I did towards my kids.
For goodness sakes. What is wrong with people? I am not feeling guilty for anything I have done towards my children, apart from the time when my daughter told me she wished she was adopted because I toed up the door handle so she couldnot get out of her room.
And yes, I know it is a fire hazard before all the 'good parents;' come and tell me that.
I am declaring myself a bad parent, I am saying that it is okay and no person should ever feel guilty for admitting that sometimes, being a parent pisses us off.
I got fed up of reading bedtime stories every night. I was fed up of the mess in my kitchen when the kids baked cakes and I was damn well fed up when my son was projectile vomiting over and over again.
Yes, I was. For all the 'Good Parents' who mailed me, sorry, I couldn't be arsed to mail you back individually. Because I am a terrible friend too.
I have only met friends online, with nothing other than a friendship in mind.
Until I met him, you know him
We had built up a friendship before we met, all that remained when we did meet was to see if the chemistry was there. It was.
Had it not been I am sure we would have been happy having a beer and just being friends.
I do think we build our expectations when we meet a person online and often people are disappointed when they meet face to face.
So it is our expectations and people are disappointed when they meet face to face, then people hide behind 'they are not who I thought they were in real life' when it is we that have made the expectations higher and somewhere there is a shortfall.
Superb post. I am pleased to read that you are not one of those people who claim they give up everything for their children which I saw in a thread on a British forum, they were slating mother's who worked and that they were interested in material things and so busy gaining a career that they were forgetting about how to be mothers. It was appalling.
What about mother's who have to work? What about mothers who want to increase their earning potential so that they can afford to do nice things with their children or save up for a holiday?
And what simply about mother's who feel that their role as a mother is much more fulfilling if they work and can manage to be a parent and work at the same time?
Good for you lovely, I hope it all works out for you and you can come sit in my corner with me and be a bad parent. We can pea shoot the good ones!
You know at some huge personal cost to ourselves, we make decisions for the benefit of others and we are still criticised.
I take my hat off to you, Sweetvelvet. You don't need confirmation from me about that you made the right decision, you confirmed that in your first post.
And that's the thing isn't it? Nobody knows what goes on behind our doors yet people go off what they see is bad parenting.
You have sort of epitomised what my thread was all about.
Because you do not have nay children, does not make your thoughts any less than those people that have children. At all Hard.
Your second paragraph is right, from my point of view anyway, certainly how soceity 'places' us in roles and evidently others. We all say that we dislike judgemental people, but we make judgements on other people daily. Otherwise the people of this planet would have nothing to talk about.
I agree, none of us are bad parents, my post was to show how soceity see us and how we operate as part of soceity. No person wants to be a bad parent or certainly not be seen as one.
But people know that the term 'bad parent' will smart, whereas 'good parent' will make for a good smile and themselves good about it...
I can relate to you also about your mother with my own mother, hence why I was raised by my father...
Just awful Snuggs and Dru that you were threatened with never seeing your children again.
My ex husband removed mine from the country. It took me 18 months to get them back. But I did and then when I did, I ensured that their loyalties would never be torn again, hence the decision I made to agree to 50% residency. It has worked for us.
Snuggs, it is amazing how one person can terrify you into thinking these things and yes, you were a good parent because you went back to her father because of your daughter. You were in fear of losing her, so to keep her you went back. Better her be with an alcoholic with her mother around than alone with just her father.
I am sure that he was a selfish b Snuggs, if you feel that way about it... But that does not make all parents bad parents because they cannot make their child's graduation. In my view.
My children do not always come first, we all come first, me, them, my partner, I rank them all at #1 and can manage to fit them all in...
I do not sacrifice another person in my life for my children. If they need me I would be there, I am there even when they do not need me.
I like your last statement, yes you are a parent no matter how old your child is, you are absoutley correct, other people see it as good or bad, because soceity expects that of us.
The thread title was given because I knew it would attract attention as per the article in the newspaper that I read. Anything like that screams out at the public and they read it.
I agree with all you say. But I will ask this, why do parents have to be a 'good parent' therefore the opposite being 'bad' which makes people recoil in horror when the terms bad parent are mentioned.
It is a myth, I remember once on another forum where a mother had written that her son had burnt himself and she was lambasted for being careless and 'were you not watching him?'
I never watched mine all the time, but I could ensure they were safe, did not prevent my own son from burning his hand on the lawnmower or falling down the stairs. God, people are treated as suspicious if their child has a scratch these days.
I love how you have been honest in that you say you did not want to play board games. This is exactly what I mean and what this lady stated in her article. It is okay to feel this and it is okay to say it.
How many times do we say to people on here, oh, I have always admired the way you put your child first'
We don't have to stop living to be parents and raise our children to be upstanding members of the soceity.
Too much pressure is on parents to be good parents and looking down our nose at those who can manage to successfully have a life running concurrently alongside raising children.
You were a bad parent in those times, other people tell us we are bad parents for not wanting to do the things that we should with our children, so I am saying that being a bad parent in the eyes of soceity is just bloody well okay.
I had many parents who did not come to their children's graduation yesterday...
Are they bad parents? No, they are the parents that for whatever they could not make it, I cannot make them into bad parents, by saying it was terrible that they were not there.
Oh yes, a bad mother can write such things, she did.
My point in this that we are all conditioned to think we are bad parents.
Like the woman who was pushing the swing, she said to the woman next to her that she was fed up with pushing the swing and the woman looked at her as if she had fed her daughter neat vodka for breakfast.
I don't doubt my abilities as a parent, at all. My children are happy and content with life, they have had alot of love poured into them and it shows, not just from me, from grandparents, their father, their stepmother and friends and so on...
My post is about soceity has led us to believe that we are only good parents.
How we are to scarifice our lives for our children and give them the best rather than concentrating on what we want as a person. We are considered selfish if we think about ourselves before our children.
And we should not be made to feel guilty about thinking about ourselves and sometimes putting ourselves before our children.
I am a bad mother. I can say that without feeling guilt and await the scandalised responses from Good Parents.
See, I was reading an article today about a woman who was pushing her daughter at the park on a swing. The little girl was pleading 'more Mummy, more'
The mother was in hell, her arms were aching and her mind was stuck and she was screaming out for stimulation.
I remember and very well, when my kids would not go to bed, I would be incensed and they were demanding more and more of something, the painful times when I had to read stories to my daughter and I remember once very clearly, saying I have had enough of this.
No parent I know, would ever claim anything other than being a good parent, we see it all the time, people telling us that they are great parents.
I am not a great or good parent, I am a parent with children that I have enjoyed immensely, but I have never claimed that I am a good mother.
The term 'bad parent' means that we often look at other parents with scorn and be completelty pompous and state, 'I would never treat my children like that' We look down our noses satisfied with ourselves that we are 'good parents'
I was told when I handed over 50% of my children to my ex husband when he thought it was okay to have an affair, that I was a bad parent, because I only had my children 50% of the time.
I thought it was bloody fantastic, here I was trying not to laden my children with the hurt and anger I felt towards him, and ensuring they had a relationship with him, that it was the right thing to do, but no, I was a bad parent. They are his children too, why should ne not have them also...
I would have happily palmed off my children to anyone rather than be stuck with them 24/7 and struggling, least of all with a loving father.
I am a bad parent. In being that, I raised 50% children who now have the benefit of their mother and father in their lives and are happy with that.
Bad mother??? Damn right I am and I am proud to be one!
I am a bad mother. I can say that without feeling guilt and await the scandalised responses from Good Parents.
See, I was reading an article today about a woman who was pushing her daughter at the park on a swing. The little girl was pleading 'more Mummy, more'
The mother was in hell, her arms were aching and her mind was stuck and she was screaming out for stimulation.
I remember and very well, when my kids would not go to bed, I would be incensed and they were demanding more and more of something, the painful times when I had to read stories to my daughter and I remember once very clearly, saying I have had enough of this.
No parent I know, would ever claim anything other than being a good parent, we see it all the time, people telling us that they are great parents.
I am not a great or good parent, I am a parent with children that I have enjoyed immensely, but I have never claimed that I am a good mother.
The term 'bad parent' means that we often look at other parents with scorn and be completelty pompous and state, 'I would never treat my children like that' We look down our noses satisfied with ourselves that we are 'good parents'
I was told when I handed over 50% of my children to my ex husband when he thought it was okay to have an affair, that I was a bad parent, because I only had my children 50% of the time.
I thought it was bloody fantastic, here I was trying not to laden my children with the hurt and anger I felt towards him, and ensuring they had a relationship with him, that it was the right thing to do, but no, I was a bad parent. They are his children too, why should ne not have them also...
I would have happily palmed off my children to anyone rather than be stuck with them 24/7 and struggling, least of all with a loving father.
I am a bad parent. In being that, I raised 50% children who now have the benefit of their mother and father in their lives and are happy with that.
Bad mother??? Damn right I am and I am proud to be one!
Sommerauer71 Forum Posts (12,414)
Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Do you know? I have had five mails telling me I am not a bad mother and I must not feel guilty for the wrongs things I did towards my kids.For goodness sakes. What is wrong with people? I am not feeling guilty for anything I have done towards my children, apart from the time when my daughter told me she wished she was adopted because I toed up the door handle so she couldnot get out of her room.
And yes, I know it is a fire hazard before all the 'good parents;' come and tell me that.
I am declaring myself a bad parent, I am saying that it is okay and no person should ever feel guilty for admitting that sometimes, being a parent pisses us off.
I got fed up of reading bedtime stories every night. I was fed up of the mess in my kitchen when the kids baked cakes and I was damn well fed up when my son was projectile vomiting over and over again.
Yes, I was. For all the 'Good Parents' who mailed me, sorry, I couldn't be arsed to mail you back individually. Because I am a terrible friend too.
Cheers!