I can relate with that. One day it got too much for me. I became the emptyness and asked God to fill me. I was supernaturally filled with his love. I am empty no more. Some days I can't even hold the love all in. I am like a cup running over with love. God gave me compassion with the grieving. I work at a nursing home where I can share it. I feel love and see love every where.
Wow that was a very long time to be together. Dottie and me were together for 6 and a half years. It was a quality time of love and sharing. I hope you can get many friends. I have had many friends on here and I have thanked God for each and every one of them. I have just about lived on this computer through the grieving process. I thought I would wear people out with it. I really should have gone through Hospice but real friendships can be gotten on here. I think I have wrote some of my best poetry about the grieving. Poetry has helped me to deal with some of it. It can get the hurt out and all the emotions and feelings. Very early on I had my noncoping days. I was a mush of emotions and feelings. Kind of like a tomato that has gone bad and is squishy.
I won't beg again, either. I got myself a computer, lol. Three months we wouldn't touch each other. It was a test of wills to see who would give in. Neither of us did. Then she had the audicity when were going into the courthouse to go through the divorce if I wanted to go through with it. Geez.
Has the pain of his parting became less intense? I have learned in the grief share that the time is different for different people. I had to deal with the grief because time was not enough. I am sure you have heard the saying that time heals all wounds. It takes more than just time.
Fear of change is accurate. It is like the guilt is a living thing. Somethings that seem to come back to us in memory are because of association. Triggers I think is the correct word for them. Hell, what can I say. My ex house trained me, lol. Some of the ways I view things is because of her. She had a strong impression on me. Maybe it was the rage associated with our communication. It became the only way we could communicate. We would scream at each other like in primal scream therapy. I know today if I become in a rage state that there is a honesty that another has used and I fight accepting it. I can remember in arguments after I cooled off. Damn she is right but why do I feel guilty about it. That is the way I feel or view it. I gave up trying to win an argument with her. She was like inside my head and knew what I was going to say before I would say it. A counselor said it was codependency.
Nene is right. How long since your spouse passed away? Grief lonliness is very intense. Everything is very intenses when you are in grief. I had to let the tears flow. I had no control of them. It really cleans you out. It has been over a year and a half now. It got so bad I couldn't even see the monitor and I would be angry at myself for crying. I literally hated seeing couples. I have went to many grief share meetings. It really has helped me to deal with the intense rage at God and people. I can remembering trying to bargain with God doing the CPR with Dottie and then Rosemary. The first time felt like a knife being stuck in me. The second time it felt the knife was twisted. I couldn't look at anybody without seeing death. I thought I was the grim reaper. Kind of like the Midas touch only everything I saw was death. I had to get the plants out of the house. Just the brown on the plants was death to me. It was like the death was in me. A part of me had died inside like a cancer. It has taken a long time but the healing process has taken place. I feel lifted like a lightness. No more guilt. No more rage. No more hell. Only life.
I hope you the best of recovery. I have known two people with ms. One was an editor of Wichita State University and the other is a resident I watch over at night now. Both of them have very high iqs.
I think Cat has a wonderful, warm and beautiful smile but of course being male and she is female I find myself having ulterior motives, lol. I am addicted to CS plain and simple. I have so many friends here. I collect friends. I am not sure how many I have bagged now, lol. I love collecting people and things. Sometimes it is good to dust off a friend and see how they are doing.
The melting pot of America has melted so much that feedback in communication is very important. Saying what you think the other said in your own words is a form of translation even the language between two might be considered the same.
The movies have made light of this. There is the American trying to read from a English to whatever. I remember one scene where after making the translation the reply from a person who could speak both languages, "I think you just called his wife a goat."
I think the American language is already multilingualed. Out language comes many forms of languages from all over the world. Why make it more confusing than it already is?
One might get the thought in one's head that if one enjoys a flower sent to one's self that others might enjoy getting them from you. I know. A crazy thought.
Oh my pretty little Crush you give me such a rush. Orange I like but prefer grape and I like to hold you by the nape. Many may like Mountain Dew but I can only think of you. I have loved you from the first and you have always quenched my thirst. I know I could have Pepsi or Coke but you're the only one I would like to poke. You are better than Dr. Pepper and Sprite and I know that we will never fight. You are luckier than Seven-Up and I can taste you with a sup. I know to me you are only Nehi but how could I let a peach like you go by. Wouldn't it be great to hold you. It makes me want to go Yoohoo. The things I would like to do with you. I know this might sound like mush but I love you my little Crush.
It took ignorance on my part to burn bridges. I assumed that I would never have to cross some of them, again. Out of sight does not always mean out of mind.
RainbowSlider Forum Posts (7,174)
RE: Jealousy or...
If you desire them and someone else desires them or if they desire some one other than you.