I got new information which helped me make a new decision and take a different action.
My first problem with quitting...I thought it was harder than it had to be.
Solution: I tried a bunch of different ways, by the last time when I quit, I had accepted quitting is miserable and that there's no not miserable way for me to quit smoking.
Second problem....I was worried I'd be so irritable and hard to be around that I would ruin all my relationships with people.
Solution: It became aparent that I was destroying my health and would die early if I continued to smoke. Nothing ends relationship as abruptedly and permanently as dying. Problem 2 solved.
Bonus solution: I was scared witless of them cutting a whole between my ribs(in my armpit...*shudder*) to stick a tube in my chest to suck the air out next time, and I believed(and still do) that if I smoke I'll break my lung again.
I quit in Novemer 4 years ago I think it was. I never had another cigarette. It's not really a struggle me not to restart because to me it's just not worth the misery of having to quit again.
Quitting was miserable, but I wasn't miserable forever.
I maybe 2-3 months. I didn't lose a single relationship over it.
My coping skills that had atrophied from using nicotine to calm my nerves did redevelope. That process was a little slower than I would have liked, but I no longer have any stress response cigarette craving, I haven't for a couple years now.
The only thing that triggers any sort of nicotine craving is if I breathe ALOT of second hand smoke I might have a very extremely weak craving or two as the trace amount of nicotine in my system drops back off over the next couple days.
If anyone reading this thinks I have more willpower than you I assure you most likely I do not. Smoking ran my life...I didn't engage in any activities that interfered with my smoking(movie thatres and such...) and when I was poor I bought cigarettes instead of food.
I quit smoking because I was afraid to smoke, and I could.
If you want to say to yourself then he's lucky to be a bigger wuss than I am, I walked around with that popped lung for a week.
Everyone has a way to quit.
I don't share my story to brag or act like like I'm better than anyone, my hope is to maybe help someone else find their way to quit.
If something is found, the cheating debate will end.
It is possible to justify acquiring facts where they're reasonably available when making decision about the future of their family structure. I'd characterize it as effortless.
Are we asking the children to hack the other parent's email account now? I don't imagine it's the sort of activity one would involve the children in. Any one raised by a parent who would involve them in that is going to have a lot of things to sort out as adults, hacking mommy's email account for daddy is going to be a grain of sand on a very large beach.
They're the first link I hit when I googled infidelity stats.
I'm mostly trying to offer some balance to the conversation.
Not many will be willing to admit to peeking, for fear of being looked on poorly. Similarly not many will admit to having discovered something when they did look. Being cheated on is a little embarrassing for some, there's fears of being seen as having been inadequate in some way.
Source: Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy Research Date: 1.1.2014
Marriage Infidelity Statistics Data
Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional 41 % Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 57 % Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 54 % Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives 22 % Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives 14 % Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker 36 % Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips 35% Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law 17 % Average length of an affair 2 years Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered 31 % Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 74 % Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 68 % Percent of children who are the product of infidelity 3 %
This is being discussed like people with doubts about their
partner's fidelity are crazy tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorists.
I understand the desire to see it that way, but it's just not the reality.
When a person starts looking into email and text they also begin violating the privacy of people not in the relationship, that gets ethically complicated. Collateral damage gets hard to justify very quickly. My first reply was in response to snooping in general, I'm not completely sure were I stand on going into someone's text or email.
Violating someone outside the relationships right to the sort of specialized privacy you're describing is not something I would consider acceptable in the interest of putting ones own mind at ease over suspected infidelity. That I do consider a simple, just don't do it matter.
If it's someone you dated for a couple months, and you just got that nagging doubt and it won't go away, by all means say something or just walk away.
However...If it's a long term relationship and you've tried to talk your doubts through together, and you've honestly asked yourself the tough questions about any trust issues you may have...and you're about to walk out the door for good...have a look around first.
Knowing IS better then not knowing.
If you're splitting up your family over it.
Know you're right.
No one wants their privacy violated, but there are
higher stakes than peoples privacy.
It's not a lot different from the zero tolerance policy for lying people like to flaunt on these sites. It's the easy right answer for the dating site quiz, and makes some people feel like they're protecting themselves from being lied to, but the simple answers about these things really don't hold up to critical examination.
People, lives and relationships are complex evolving things.
If my concerns were deep enough, sure I'd look around a bit.
I'd also tell her I had, she'd have a right to know.
As for cheating, I don't.
If I did I'd admit to it. Cheating is bad, but carrying on in your relationship like it didn't happen....is just vile. It's not ok to expose people to the additional STD risks of your cheating without telling them.
OP's don't have any responsibility to monitor or manage their threads. It's a discussion forum. Before the addition of banning and hiding posts in threads it was the common understanding that the OP didn't own their thread. If someone had an idea they wanted to discuss they could make a thread, but once they did it was everyone's.
As for people going off topic, while I understand it can be frustrating this is a singles site, it is my opinion that any thread that generates positive, or productive interaction among the people here, is a successful thread.(that is notably not the official position of the site though...iirc)
The people are of course always welcome to steer the thread back on topic
and receives 2 dollars an hour worth of government assistance
but earns the company 10 dollar an hour in profit.
I'd rather the company pay the worker 7 dollars
we not subsidize the company profit by 2 dollars and hour
and the company make 8 dollar in profit instead of 10.
If that makes some companies unprofitable, they weren't a viable business to begin with. We can live with a couple less gas stations and Mcdonalds in the country.
It's sounds like you might be transitioning from one life stage to the next. Ideally we do that periodically though out life. Erikson has a model for it called psychosocial stages/development or some such, but there's probably others to.
The disinterest in music could be part of the transition. You may come out the other side with a renewed interest, but different taste so don't turn loose of your gear.
Ocee102 Forum Posts (1,399)
RE: Stop Smoking Idea
My mind didn't get any stronger.I got new information which helped me make a new decision
and take a different action.
My first problem with quitting...I thought it was harder than it had to be.
Solution: I tried a bunch of different ways, by the last time when I quit, I had accepted quitting is miserable and that there's no not miserable way for me to quit smoking.
Second problem....I was worried I'd be so irritable and hard to be around that I would ruin all my relationships with people.
Solution: It became aparent that I was destroying my health and would die early if I continued to smoke. Nothing ends relationship as abruptedly and permanently as dying. Problem 2 solved.
Bonus solution: I was scared witless of them cutting a whole between my ribs(in my armpit...*shudder*) to stick a tube in my chest to suck the air out next time, and I believed(and still do) that if I smoke I'll break my lung again.
I quit in Novemer 4 years ago I think it was. I never had another cigarette. It's not really a struggle me not to restart because to me it's just not worth the misery of having to quit again.
Quitting was miserable, but I wasn't miserable forever.
I maybe 2-3 months. I didn't lose a single relationship over it.
My coping skills that had atrophied from using nicotine to calm my nerves did redevelope. That process was a little slower than I would have liked, but I no longer have any stress response cigarette craving, I haven't for a couple years now.
The only thing that triggers any sort of nicotine craving is if I breathe ALOT of second hand smoke I might have a very extremely weak craving or two as the trace amount of nicotine in my system drops back off over the next couple days.
If anyone reading this thinks I have more willpower than you I assure you most likely I do not. Smoking ran my life...I didn't engage in any activities that interfered with my smoking(movie thatres and such...) and when I was poor I bought cigarettes instead of food.
I quit smoking because I was afraid to smoke, and I could.
If you want to say to yourself then he's lucky to be a bigger wuss than I am,
I walked around with that popped lung for a week.
Everyone has a way to quit.
I don't share my story to brag or act like like I'm better than anyone,
my hope is to maybe help someone else find their way to quit.