A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice) 'Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.'
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, 'Who was that?'
'Oh,' she replies, 'That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you.'
This is a topic that is close to me. I have dealt with depression for the better part of my life. Been seeing doctors for years, taking medications, soul searching, and so on.
Anyone with depression can tell you that its always there, waiting for a chance to raise its head and take your life over. Depression has cost me a lot of things in life that most people take for granted. Things like having a job, emotional stability, relationships, friendships, peace of mind.
I could go out tomorrow and get a job because at the moment, I am doing ok. That can all change though next week. I would end up loosing the job and be right back to square 1. Every job I had in the past, I lost because of this condition. The last job I had was away from home over 10 years ago. I was doing ok until I had a depressed episode. Lost the job and was 2 days away from being kicked out on the street because I couldn't pay the rent. Had no food, no money, no nothing. I had to get my mom to send me a plane ticket to come home.
I have lost friends because they didn't understand what depression was and just didn't want to deal with it. Last gf I had I lost because I fell into a depressed slump after my father died and she got sick of dealing with me.
I take medications that will probably shorten my life by 20 years and though they do help, its not a cure and even with the medications, I am still susceptible to relapses and "bad" days.
Then there are people who make fun of me, say I am weak and go out of their way to avoid me at all costs. Imagine going to the corner store and knowing the people you are standing up in line with would rather smash you in the head with a brick than to say hello to you.
Then there is the burden on your family. I live with my mom still (I am close to 40 years old) because I can't manage to live on my own. Its hard on a family when a member is depressed because they have to deal with it. I am lucky that my family is understanding but there are some families that will put that depressed member out through the door and tell them not to come back because they are too hard to deal with.
I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life, never being able to look forward to having a normal life.
They brought it all on themselves lol
Who is looking forward to/dreading it?
I am dreading it lol.
Rob kissed his wife, crawled into bed and fell asleep. All of a sudden, he woke up to find an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing at the foot of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?... and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Rob. "I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is yours."
Rob thought about it for a while, and figured that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.
"I want to return as a hen."
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came another hen.
"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Pe! ter told me about," she said.
"How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like I am going to explode."
"Oh that!" said the other hen. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."
"How do I do that?" Rob asked.
"Cluck twice, and then push all you can."
Rob clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Rob said, "That felt really good!"
So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Rob, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the bed!
Do we need revolution, or evolution. Maybe both.
People are just really fking stupid, thats the only thing I can figure out.
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.
She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
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