House Rules
We all have our own sets of house rules and expect others to adhere to it. When I still smoked I would not have dreamed to smoke in a friend’s house unless he told me that I could do so.
While I am a guest on somebody’s house I will follow his rules. I will not tell him how to fry my eggs unless he asked me to do so. I will eat what he offers and will not ask for salt, pepper, tomato sauce or mayonnaise if it is not on the table. I will leave the toilet seat in the position that I found it. Even if he tells me that I must be in by 10pm, I will comply. It is his house and his rules. If I don’t like it, I must go elsewhere.
But I expect the same behaviour from my guests. You are welcome in my home for as long as you stick to my rules.
I no longer smoke but half my friends do. I don’t mind people smoking in my house but don’t come telling me I may not smoke in my house and don’t try to prevent others from smoking in my house while I’m happy to allow them. I will not lock my cat in a dark room or chase him out the house because somebody or his wife is allergic to cat hair.
You don’t contribute a cent to my household and I will not ask you to do so while you are under my roof. If you are not comfortable with my friendship, my hospitality or what I have to offer you, then rather go elsewhere.
Comments (72)
That is all that it is going about. Respect.
I have been having lots of connectivity problems for the last few days and have not able to read the blogs and comments as I should. I heard of your loss from somebody else. I am sorry to hear about your loss.
Now I guess you know that there should always be an exception in every rule.. there is always a special circumstance that allows us to break the rule..
Yes, I agree with you but...
It is not for the guest to assume that he IS the exception. If he has some problem he should start with:
Won't you please...
and not with:
You MUST...
or
You Cannot...
After all he is just another guest. If I get an invitation and it says: No children then I have the option to go or not. I know the rule and if I cannot see my way open I have the right to decline. It is wrong for me to rock up there with my children and then asked to be pardoned.
i dont like to follow rules, but i do agree with you. when we are on someone else's property, we are a guest and have to abide by their rules. i do it because that is how i see it as the right thing to do.
but at the same time, there is a rule I try to follow: I don’t do something simply because someone tells me, unless i believe it is right and rational. if not, I will question it. respect and equilibrium are the key. friendships is equilibrium.
Hm.. what if he doesnt know that there is no children- rule before he arrives at your house because it's not stated in the invitation letter. Will you open the door for him so he can leave your house with his kid?
All I expect is to be respected as I would respect my host when I am in his house.
If there is no tomato sauce on the table it may well be because he has none in the house. I'm not going to embarrass him about it. I must be satisfied with what he offers me.
I don't have a set of house rules pasted to every door. I don't care where the person leaves the toilet seat or how late he sleeps or what time he comes in.
All I expect of a guest is to consider me and any other guests in the house as well. And not to try to enforce his house rules on me.
I don't know. I do not have such a rule; I was using it as an example. I said I received such an invitation; not if I sent such an invitation.
In fact I have very little house rules. I only expect people to do what is generally expected of guests. Like cleaning up where you mess and not to use all the hot water if there are a lot of people in the house. And not to try to run my household.
Let's take another example. You are invited to a party but the invitation reads: 'Couples only'. Would you go if you do not have a partner?
It would be depend on the purpose of the party, I suppose. I can always take my friend and introduce him as my partner, can I not?
I used to say : "You can not be the king in my kingdom, not when I am still alive! But I'll see what I can do for you!"
It's late here.. so good night, Cat! Interesting blog by the way.
Simple as that. Just the basic respect for others.
See, you do have a few. Even if you did not formally document them. Those are very normal and I think universal. You will probably find you have a few more. Like expecting people to clean up where they have messed. ie Leave the bath or the toilet in a clean condition after use etc.
Those are the rules I'm talking about. My house is not a jail. I don't have curfews and rigid times to eat and if your late there is no food. I will gladly keep the food if they told me they will be late supper. Otherwise I must assume they are eating elsewhere.
listed as
#1 don't break down the house
#2 don't kill your siblings
#3 don't trow with pets
I remember the good ole days when I was in my early 20's. I would always have parties at my place. I remember one time, when I came home from college, there were about 30 people at my house and the party was already going. The funny thing was, I did not even know we were going to party that night. Hmmmm.
Anyway, I totally agree with you. A guest should not dictate how things should be in your own house. I am always for respecting people's personal spaces and ask before I do something.
That must have taken all the fun out of growing up.
Then I can assume the house is still standing?
This is one of the problems in the modern society. You cannot setup a set of no-nonsense rules anymore. You need an attorney to compile a simple set of toilet rules.
My home is pretty relaxed. I find my guests are very comfortable helping themselves but that maybe because I have a " My House is Your House rule ".
The other VERY IMPORTANT rule.... DO NOT stop by unannounced!!!
I think I have my friends pretty well trained now and they always call first before coming by or I don't open my door.
So you say I better not pay you a surprise visit. I may end up having to fly back.
No surprise visit.
Makes me feel much better.
I'll knock three times so you can know it is me
SHHHH.. now everyone knows the code!!!
Don't worry, our secret is safe. Nobody ever reads my blogs.
Btw I got you last messages but mine are still hanging there
But I think the key words to your blog are two things: RESPECT and HOSPITALITY. Common sense dictates the etiquette of being a visitor is to first know the characteristics and idiosyncrasies of the host. Even more so the application of politeness.
For us, generally the Filipinos we are so hospitable that even sometimes the guest's attitudes are obnoxious yet we don't express any verbal disapproval but not to invite them again.
But I am with you...Respect or scram...
Nice blog Cat.
lj
Hmm, it is all about the basic building block of all relationships. Respect.
Then, welcome back. I have been following parts of your new career on PC. And thanks for dropping in.
Still, I don't want to post yet, because it does take a lot of time to be answering to the comments and opinions..
Take care both you and your love...
lj
I was a bit worried after I made that comment. It was just a little silly. I had no idea if you wanted it known that you were still around. I'm glad it worked out ok.
PS
Don't ask me why I woke up at 5 am. I should still be sleeping.