Back In the Market

Ok, I’m back in the market, but not just anyone will do. I’m looking for a very special girl. The properties I’m looking for are very hard to find. My high standards will not allow me to settle for anybody less.

I want somebody who has seen the bad side of life as well. She has to be young, beautiful, and orphaned, living in a refugee camp, somewhere in Central or West Africa, outside of her own war torn country, and coming from a very prominent political family in her original country. If her late father was a political leader or an industrialist and held a doctor’s degree, honorary or self awarded, it will be an added bonus.

However, an offshore banking account in London, boasting at least 6.5 million US Dollars, is a prerequisite, even if there are some logistic problems in securing the money. I will gladly supply my bank account and pin number in order to facilitate the transfer of money to my country. Preference shall be given to the candidate with the most money, unless if she is very ugly. But even then, it will be weighed up against her cash reserves. Money talks loudest.

I can fully anticipate that she will be in a great hurry to expedite this for I know and understand that her greedy uncles and cousins will also be trying to lay their hands on what is rightfully hers. For all we know, they may have been instrumental in the demise of her parents. I shall protect her against her conniving family.

I'm fully prepared to send to her the money for a passport, airfare, and any other incidental expenses, providing that we work through a reliable and trusted intermediary, maybe the preacher man that we find in every refugee camp. If we cannot trust him, whom else can we trust?

No, this is not about the money; I really do love her. I know she will have a wonderful personality even though her English grammar is not that polished. After all, she speaks French. The problem is that I don’t know where to find such a girl. If any of you happen to come across somebody in this position, please refer her to me. I will forever be in your debt.


Oh, if you find her, don’t keep her to yourself. My happiness depends on her.