It was just a timescale we came up with between us, kids and I, that ensured that they didn't try things out for a week, or once, and not really give it a chance.
I worked really hard to give them those chances and most places required a terms worth of fees in advance, hence the 6 weeks.......
If they wanted to quit then, it was ok because at least they had given it a chance to grow on them........
It also meant that they had to prioritise what they really wanted, and choose carefully.........
I insisted my kids try everything that presented itself in their lives, for at least 6 weeks, to help them find something they absolutely loved doing.
Then I told them that how well they wanted to do in that, depended on how much they wanted to practice it, and never to push their bodies or minds beyond what felt comfortable for them.
There was never competition between them, because I actively discouraged it, in favour of pointing out their individuality and uniqueness of character, and how good that was for them.
I think that if there was less competativeness then there would be less aggression in the world. There would also be less self-depreciation, less egoism, less people lacking self confidence from measuring up to impossible goals for them as unique individuals.
There are no winners in this life, except those who know how to take care of their unique needs, their bodies, and minds, and learn how to treat them, with respect, as precious entities that could, with due care, last for over 100 years, and make themselves and others happy in the process.
I think it depends on the person doing the divorcing. If it was her idea then her mind is already made up, no lingering doubts, nothing to get over, just time to move on, same vice versa if the man made the decision.
No go for me too. I have dated seperated men many times, and found out that they were stuck in the past and invariably hung up about money, or more ot the point, about losing money or possessions. Most were biter and talked about nothing but their situation with their estranged spouses.
Having said that I was seperated for 12 years before I got my divorce, although I didn't date and wasn't looking, back then.
Why? He wouldn't let me go, and threatened to take the kids to get me back, even though he didn't want them, and we had been living in seperate countries all that time.
If someone had come into my life at that time, I'd have said no.
I waited patiently until the day my youngest turned 18 then filed the papers. He had no hold over me then. Divorce came through uncontested in 3 weeks and that was it. I signed away everything.
I can certainly see where lying to couch things in prettier words might be easier sometimes, but I just can't seem to make myself do it except very occasionally, and then I feel so guilty for not being true to myself.
Yep I'd agree too, that everyone lies, even if it's only to say they are brushing their teeth when they are actually having a crap, or in the middle of re-sanitizing themselves, when someone asks where they, are or what they are doing.
Every time someone guesses....... they lie too. Not everyone says "I haven't a clue", or "I don't know", when they actually don't know something, they guess, (pretend they know).
The only absolute truth is that everyone lies. Just not always about the same things, or in the same way......
To be fair, not everyone pretends to be someone they are not in a relationship though. That is a particular lie only perpetrated by some, people-pleasers mainly, or the desperate, and is inevitably found out.
So true. It was marketed as the American way to get business done at one time, but what they didn't know was that we had a culture of it here already, in itinerant travellers who learned to use nicities to con us.......so we were wary of it and wise to its underhanded uses already.
Nicities and politeness are not even the same thing either.
For some, and mainly in cities, this insincerity reigns supreme as a way of not antagonising people that you really don't have enough room to get away from.
Thing is, it is not working.
You will often hear people say, "I was being polite", I said please", expecting to get whatever they are after, but not taking into account that they are either backed up by 10 very aggresive looking gnag members, or standing with their hands on their hips, or the trigger of a gun, when they are saying it.
Exactly! Although Americans are not the only ones doing this these days. Global access to tv has encouraged it to spread worldwide now, so everyone can be equally sickening.
I think that manners and respect are often confused. A person is not always respectful just because they say "please" or "thank you". To my mind, there is beginning to be a culture of over-politeness that means nothing, is maybe even disrespectful. The sickly "have a nice day," "my pleasure", "well done", "good job", insincere platitudes kind of culture accompanied by insincere smiles that leave you feeling "what the hell was that" kind of response, because the words and the body language just don't match up. Anyone else encounter this on their travels?
My town has roughly 30,000 people in it, and no one lives on the street. No one is homeless. No one lives in tents. It has always been that way here. The town council has houses set aside and the voluntary organisations have houses and hostels to house the poor or temporarily misplaced. Even with the influx of immigrants over the last 10 years or so, I have never seen anyone on the living on the streets or even begging because they are homeless.
I'd advocate a surrender of control, at least occasionally, but never an abdication of responsibility or accountability.
A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for injury. — John Stuart Mill
There are many possibilities in the scenario, you are right.
I would have to take it in general terms for me though, because time is a factor. It's not like I have years to figure someone out anymore, so I tend to use as much common sense as I can bring to a scenario and see it in more general terms than I used to.
Having said that, I also have more years of experience to fall back on in order to make more snap judgements too, so I think it all evens out.
It's also a very personal thing for everyone, as to their standards and way of judging I suppose.
Marriage is a deceptive word too, in that loads of people are often longer in relationships without marriage, than with it, sometimes, and all those relationships would have to be taken into consideration too.
Generally speaking though, I'd see something "not quite right" with a person who had been in 4 or 5 marriages. It would be more likely that they ware hiding something that is not acceptable in general terms, than that "providence" just took a hand and was responsible for their break-ups.
There are , quite often, many people who can get on with others and are able to live with almost anyone, but rarely in a marriage, which is a very different kind of relationship, where there are expectations.
As to the man you mentioned who silenced his women with money, to forgive and overlook his infidelities, that would never suit me because there would be no honesty or security in a relationship where the man was constantly on the lookout for younger models.
If the women left him, then he is not, (very obviously), good around women... they can't all be wrong, even though a successon of them gave him a chance, knowing how many before them. You couldn't piss off that many women and still be considered the good guy, or a good catch.
If he did the leaving, then he is too fussy for me anyway, and appears to have no staying power or negotiation skills, probably not willing to compromise, so still no good. Once. maybe twice he could get away with that, but certainly no more, and even then I'd be wary.
Just a thought, but you might have been more successful if you'd posted here more often. Many people who don't post here read, probably just like you did. It gets you seen.
Anyway good luck with your decision whatever it turns out to be.
I think that the sooner all races mix and breed the better, so there will be no more race cards pulled, or threads, or topics like this, discussing differences and not sameness.
Yes..........you are looking at it simplistically... (Just my wee joke, sorry).
Ok, the thing is that not everyone is wired the same, brain wise that is, nor do their brains send the same impulses to the same places, so not everyone gets the same messages, nor coping abilities, in the same quantities.
All the positive reinforcement in the world will not work for a person who is not actually physically capable of taking on what is being taught socially, in RL or on CS.
On here people's backgrounds include drugs, alcohol, maybe things like sniffing glue when they were younger and such, all of which have an impact on the brain, even killing off brain cells that all of us need to decipher what we are learning, and make sense of what is expected of us.
There are those with trauma in their lives, bereavement, anxiety, stress etc., who are blocked from producing the feel good chemicals needed to think positively, never mind stay that way.
You then have people with social problems, genetic diseases and such, incapable of sustaining good feelings or optimism for any length of time.
These are not things that can be "cured" so that all people can stay positive. For some it will never happen, but they are still non-the-less on here looking for partners too, and just as entitled as anyone else to find people like themselves.
Not wishing to fall out with you here, or anyone, but not everyone's brain chemicals are balanced. For some, (not talking about me here by the way, but many people I have worked with over the years), it is more difficult or even damn nigh impossible for them to think possitively without possitive reinforcement.
The point I was trying to make earlier, is that not every one is playing in the same paddling pool. Negative reinforcement will actually drive some people to negative extremes, like water wearing away rock.....over time of course.
So true. Really hope you are well and happy these days. Haven't chatted in a while, and really missed it, because I was busy, but hoping to catch up with everyone soon when things settle down here in a month or so.
My thoughts on optimism are a bit like my thoughts on the laws of physics, there are many factors, and time is a big one.....
Even the brightest leaves fade and fall with time.....
Optimism is, at worst, is only so many chemicals, brought into a certain combination by a positive thought, and thoughts don't stay positive in light of continuous negativity over an extended length of time.....
gingerb Forum Posts (4,139)
RE: A question for today's parents...........
It was just a timescale we came up with between us, kids and I, that ensured that they didn't try things out for a week, or once, and not really give it a chance.I worked really hard to give them those chances and most places required a terms worth of fees in advance, hence the 6 weeks.......
If they wanted to quit then, it was ok because at least they had given it a chance to grow on them........
It also meant that they had to prioritise what they really wanted, and choose carefully.........