Ambrose2007 Forum Posts (8,881)

RE: ~~()~~People and their pets~~()~~

Well, that's one reason I prefer "animal people." It really does say something about their compassion/character, I think (though petless people can have those things, too!).

I didn't always feel that way. I was fortunate to receive some training from a past relationship AND especially from my current one.

RE: are you afraid of commitment?

Didn't you say in my thread, Carenza, that you weren't ready for a relationship yet?

RE: ~~()~~People and their pets~~()~~

I agree. And I'm uncomfortable with the formulation that one's pets should rate even in the vicinity of one's mate or loved ones.

That being said, I do prefer people who have a love for animals. I think that speaks highly of them. As long as they share my value of human beings as being preeminent, I think enjoying pets and Nature's creatures is great.

By the way, good thread, Mary. This is definitely an issue in relationships (one of many, that's for sure, but one that very commonly comes up). As Boban said, I think it's best to avoid extremes. For example, one lady on here insisted that her love interests be willing to share their bed with her dog. That would be an example, in my view, of crossing the line to an extreme.

RE: Adventure writing

Heh. I think he sang that about an octave lower than its original version. Still, the guy is in his sixties...

RE: Getting ready to date a separated man ...

For example, my ex-wife had a dog that would adamantly plant himself between me and her. I found that rather annoying...

RE: Getting ready to date a separated man ...

Hi, D. About the "velcro" aspect. Do you think your dog might be protective/territorial around you if you're with a man? I can see that being something of an (at least initial) problem, if so.

RE: Are you middle-aged and not working?

That's pretty interesting, Amahlala. Thanks for posting this.

Glad to know jobs in my age-ranged are booming.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

I really like the attitude your "red paragraph" above conveys, Venere (and I'm so pleased to see you've made a new friend! ). Of course, someone will be quick to point out that some relationships don't merit that kind of effort - and that attempting to do so would be an exercise in futility and possibly even life/mind-endangerment.

I've been reading a book which powerfully pinpoints, through a series of diagnostic questions, when one should leave a relationship or stay in it (Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, Mira Kirshenbaum). Her attitude is basically "where there's life in a relationship, there's hope."

Regarding your concluding (blue) paragraph, V, I think the bottom line is this: If you're in a relationship, you should want to work on it; if you don't want to work on it, you shouldn't be in it. Fairly simple principle, no?

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Right, Nan. They have many powerful influences besides you (or their other family members), of course. You know how boys treat other boys who cry.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Cry? Let's not get carried away. Okay, maybe a cry or two every rare once in awhile is okay. But I draw the line at asking for directions...

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Exactly.

But it's a serious issue. Women vary considerably in how comfortable they are with the "softer" emotions being expressed by men. My observation is that many women who complain about their man's inability/unwillingness to express himself emotionally would not would prefer that he not open up too much or too often.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Hi, Kid.

(Now was sending you a bouquet "girly"?

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Of course not. Men have emotions. It's perfectly okay for a guy (for instance) to thump his chest and growl with anger (or righteous fury?).

It's just those, you know, *soft* emotions like caring or compassion or sensitive feelings that are "girly."

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Hi, Langley. Been awhile!

It seems to me that most people - probably even the ones who voted "fix all problems prior to relationship" - do not believe that certain issues can come to light in a relationship and thus be attended to within it.

The controversy begins when we consider what, if anything, the partner should or can do to help. The paradigm of our problems being entirely our responsibility and thus no friends or lovers or family should assist with them seems fairly ingrained in the popular mind.

While I'd agree that one's problems are one's own responsibility, I also would argue that we all have some responsibility in maintaining and/or improving a relationship, and even if we don't - strictly speaking - bear any obligation, that doesn't preclude working with someone you love on their insecurities, imo.

RE: Is bigger really better ??

Not sure I see the "new...life" or the "creative writing," Jan...oh...I think you just may be speaking tongue-in-cheek.

RE: Is bigger really better ??

This could take a bit of cogitation, because it's such a bizarrely unfamiliar question...

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Yeah, good thing. But you know *someone* had to say it, right?

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

And ole Socrates knew a li'l something about that sticky thing called love.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Maybe I should try marketing this to Hallmark?

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

First a tender girl, now a Valentine poster. I never knew I was multifaceted.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

An earlier poster boldly made the same claim earlier (though nothing specifically about "Noone" ).

It's like seeing we'll never be perfect. But of course the real question is what potentially offers the most life-satisfaction.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Interesting poll results - from the get-go to now, I think. At first it looked like a healthy majority believed that we can indeed work on our issues in the context of a relationship, but as time and the pages have unfolded, the results are nearly equal (I'm guessing a lot of the "newcomers" haven't read the brilliant article that I originally cited? ).

The most interesting result by far is, in my view, the variance between the 41-plus men and women. The 41-plus men, by a large majority, believe working on one's issues within a relationship is possible, whereas the 41-plus women, by a nearly equal majority, believe we must solve our issues first.



I wonder how that result would hold for the population at large. If it did, surely that would be highly significant. You would have two sizable gender-classes who would on paper be most compatible but whose views on solving issues within a relationship are opposed.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

That strikes me as a very health attitude, Carenza (especially from someone so allegedly riddled with issues )

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

Well, I do believe in being in touch with my female self...just not any inappropriate touching of that self, if you know what I mean...

In my defense, I'm fairly macho for a girly-man...

RE: Long distance relationships

As you get older, and more discriminating, however...

RE: Long distance relationships

The probability of it working - or even being necessary - for young, attractive people (particularly women) is fairly scant, in my opinion.

That simply isn't the right demographic for digital dating - at least not as it's presently constituted.

RE: Long distance relationships

And to think I balked at paying a mere $138 for my passport!

I doubt I'd consider anyone further than Canada (or a few hundred miles). And our romance has worked mainly because one of us has lots of free time. Being busily employed, even if the distance is small, would radically increase the relationship difficulty factor.

RE: Long distance relationships

By some coincidence, my long-distance mate is Canadian. It was MUCH better, in all respects, than I thought it would be.

My only nightmare is that someday it may end.

Must We Solve Most or All of Our Issues Before Entering A Relationship?

My hypothesis is that people find romantic partners who are basically at their own psychological level. In other words, to the degree you are troubled or happy will largely determine the kind of person you will attract/seek out, and the overall degree of happiness or unhappiness you will experience in that relationship. So I believe you have an added incentive to make yourself as "good" as possible, because wherever you're at emotionally/intellectually is likely to be reflected right back at you. That's why you want to reduce your "baggage" as much as possible, because it determines the kind of relationship you will be in.

Once you understand this, you will see no purpose in blaming others or otherwise externalizing your own issues in a romantic relationship. It's a very basic kind of relationship-karma, you might say.

My point here was to talk about the process of improving oneself, and how integral our relationships are to that process ("we must complete ourselves by ourselves" to the contrary notwithstanding).