Lorraine...I'm so sorry I did not see this post before now...
Please believe me when i tell you that i am the least "intimidating" person you will meet...I love people and show them that...it makes no difference who or what they are...
My personality perhaps is very "out there"...but that's just me..I love life..and i want life to love me...and i want my friends to come along with me for the "ride"...our life is an adventure..and we only have this one chance at it!!
The ones who have met me in person will tell you...though i look like my pictures...i am the complete opposite of what they portray...though i did post the one of Cat and I smiling for those who think i don't laugh...
I am glad to know you Lorraine...you give me food for thought..you cause me to use my intellectual mind most times...and I do think of you as my friend....
But thank you to these men who understand my "love" defies description..were willing to take what i offered, and stood by me through my idiosyncracies...
I love you Danny... I love you Will... I love you Mark... I love you Kim... I love you Gary...
....and my love to Leo...my fellow "H*E*B"..who "saves" me from myself...
What prevents a person from toppling over into the abyss that is their life sometimes?
For me it has been my friends...not family...friends...it took perfect strangers to open my eyes to who and what i am and see myself in a "special" way that has escaped me most my life..
They have encouraged me to continue to be all that i am, compromise nothing and settle for nothing less than i am deserving of...their love, respect and compassion has helped me not to fall into that abyss... They have taught me that sometimes love defies definition...it just is..and for reasons we cannot always understand...I am grateful for those who take the time to meet me outside this forum and site, who see me in my "element" and know that my picture is merely a one dimension replica of who and what i really am...
So....what or who...prevents you from toppling into your "abyss"??
I have always preferred men with very short to outright bald...lol..
I did agree once to date someone with very very long hair...
But my most memorable experience with a man with long hair is when i got the tattoo on my ankle...the artist had very long hair..he had my leg up on his lap while he worked on my ankle and the whole time his hair was brushing back and forth across my bare leg (I had a skirt on)...it was absolutely the most incredible feeling...
After weeks and weeks of hearing some very hurtful things directed at me...I looked to someone to somehow validate that i meant something to someone...and i couldn't make myself "heard"...
You have reminded me today...that HE is my only comforter...
Why would they automatically assume that it is due to their appearance or lack of...that they have been skipped over??
I have "skipped over" some because of distance, because of their intent to have more children, because of their outlook on life itself, because of their posts on the forums, because of their age....lots of things...that had nothing to do with appearance...
If their "self-esteem" has been compromised because they feel they were "skipped over" just on their appearance...then yes they have a "self esteem" issue....but not of anyone else's making...
Smiling through tears is a difficult feat...but one that i will continue to perservere...I was made to smile...just as I was made to love... If anyone can attest to that Bobby its you...who i got the opportunity to meet...and laugh with...
My very soul is taking a beating right now...but I will overcome..survivors always do don't they???
I have been told enough times now that i am not fit to be anything to a man except his plaything...I am only what men fantasize about...is that supposed to be a compliment??
So then...I in fact am beginning to believe that i am a woman of no substance...that i am wrong and what they believe is true...there will be no pickett fence for me...no grandbabies to play with...no romance...no one to cuddle with...
I remain with my dusty corset...and moth eaten satin sheets...dreaming of another day another time...
What makes Brad Pitt out of your league?? Because he's a movie star? I wouldn't know if i'm not in his "league" because i don't know what his "league" is... I do know i'm a woman...and he's a man...and if the attraction is going to be there its going to be based on that and not because i'm not a movie star myself...
My self-esteem takes a beating on a regular basis...however...though i don't think i am better than anyone...I also don't think anyone is better than me...
Though i was tempted to remove the picture of Cat and I...because i certainly don't feel very much like that person...I kept it to remind me how quickly things change...and that there was a time not too long ago that i had the ability to laugh...
I had a conversation with someone at work who was the ripe old age of 17...
She has assured me if one relationship doesn't work out for me...its not a problem because i apparently have sooooooo many other men waiting...lol...isn't love grand!!!
And all because a very handsome customer in the store left with the lid to my pen...and felt the need to return it...
Ohhh...to be 17 again where love is an "assembly line"...i have to work with her tonight again...who knows what she will turn me into by the end of the night...
LOL...Yes you make sense...at least to me Tracey...
I have gone through alot lately it seems...and everytime i thought i knew who i was and how i was going to handle it...i find there is another facet to me i didn't know existed...some good, some bad...some downright pathetic...
There are no "leagues"....and as far as i'm concerned...I was not even given a chance on the "playing field"...so i don't really care to hear thier lame excuses...sugar coated or not!!
My "ex" dropped a bombshell on me yesterday...I should have seen it coming...I kind of expected it...but i don't think i was really prepared to hear the words....
I am just wondering if i will ever cry out all the tears i have in this lifetime...
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The Brink of An Abyss
Tnank you Bobby....You are one of the few who i have had the priviledge of meeting, who i have had in my home and able to share myself outside of this forum with...
I am happy that you are in paradise right now...
....what is for you...can never pass you by....