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Generations...feeling older? Maybe you fit in here
Any of this sound familiar?
1966: Long hair
2016: Longing for hair
1966: KEG
2016: EKG
1966: Acid rock
2016: Acid reflux
1966: Moving to California because it's cool
2016: Moving to Florida because it's warm
1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2016: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1966: Seeds and stems
2016: Roughage
1966: Hoping for a BMW
2016: Hoping for a BM
1966: Going to a new, hip joint
2016: Receiving a new hip joint
1966: Rolling Stones
2016: Kidney Stones
1966: Screw the system
2016: Upgrade the system
1966: Disco
2016: Costco
1966: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2016: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1966: Passing the drivers' test
2016: Passing the vision test
1966: Whatever
2016: Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1998.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced 7 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.”
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
Well, cheer up...you've always got company!
1966: Long hair
2016: Longing for hair
1966: KEG
2016: EKG
1966: Acid rock
2016: Acid reflux
1966: Moving to California because it's cool
2016: Moving to Florida because it's warm
1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2016: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1966: Seeds and stems
2016: Roughage
1966: Hoping for a BMW
2016: Hoping for a BM
1966: Going to a new, hip joint
2016: Receiving a new hip joint
1966: Rolling Stones
2016: Kidney Stones
1966: Screw the system
2016: Upgrade the system
1966: Disco
2016: Costco
1966: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2016: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1966: Passing the drivers' test
2016: Passing the vision test
1966: Whatever
2016: Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1998.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced 7 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.”
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
Well, cheer up...you've always got company!
Clever Words
1. ARBITRAITOR
A cook that leaves Arbys to work at McDonalds
2. BERNADETTE
The act of torching a mortgage.
3. BURGLARIZE
What a crook sees through
4. AVOIDABLE
What a bullfighter tries to do
5. COUNTERFEITER
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
6. LEFT BANK
What the bank robbers did when their bag
was full of money.
7. HEROES
What a man in a boat does
8. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower
9. PARADOX
Two physicians
10. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm
11. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring
12. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife
13. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does
14. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official
8. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower
9. PARADOX
Two physicians
10. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm
11. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring
12. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife
13. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does
14. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official
A cook that leaves Arbys to work at McDonalds
2. BERNADETTE
The act of torching a mortgage.
3. BURGLARIZE
What a crook sees through
4. AVOIDABLE
What a bullfighter tries to do
5. COUNTERFEITER
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
6. LEFT BANK
What the bank robbers did when their bag
was full of money.
7. HEROES
What a man in a boat does
8. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower
9. PARADOX
Two physicians
10. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm
11. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring
12. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife
13. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does
14. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official
8. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower
9. PARADOX
Two physicians
10. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm
11. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring
12. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife
13. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does
14. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official
THE FINAL EXAM
Recent email and too good not to share....
You are going to love this one!
There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the
weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Florida State until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire? _________
You are going to love this one!
There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the
weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Florida State until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire? _________
I wonder
How about you created your own woman the way you desire other than giving orders how she should look, can you imagine a person/man saying I need a lady slim with curves tall and goes on demanding the age limit while him his weight is xxxtra pound and other unspeakable physical appearances.......please
Madness
I don't think there is or there should be anything call madness. No one is mad. The madness is, there is a helluva thing called NORMAL we all can't fit in.
So... If you try to be normal you are going mad and if you are being mad it's you trying to be your normal.
I think I confused mad and the normal equally enough.
Just a mad thought when the whole world is going mad.
So... If you try to be normal you are going mad and if you are being mad it's you trying to be your normal.
I think I confused mad and the normal equally enough.
Just a mad thought when the whole world is going mad.
online today!
True or False
Well this could be true in most cases, but maybe that's why so many men rather run than be laid.
They (educated women?) say that men in general are like floor tiles.
If you lay them right you can spend the rest of your life walking over them.
They (educated women?) say that men in general are like floor tiles.
If you lay them right you can spend the rest of your life walking over them.
LIVIN IN THE SOUTH
Any body who lives in the South MAY (?) have heard some of these before. ...sharing for everybody who appreciates the humor ....and no offense meant to all people who live this Southern lifestyle! 
**************************************************************************
A possum is a flat animal who sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.:
Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
Wakee don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH:
...sharing for everybody who appreciates the humor ....and no offense meant to all people who live this Southern lifestyle! **************************************************************************
A possum is a flat animal who sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.:
Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
Wakee don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH:
Cinco de Mayo! What is it really?
This "holiday has always bugged me.
I am an American but the "day" still gets posed as questions to me as if I was born and educated in Mexico. So, I decided to look into history and find out about "Cinco de Mayo".
To begin with, the real Mexican Independence Day is September the 16th. And "Cinco de Mayo" is a commemoration of Mexico winning it's freedom from FRANCE!!!! That's right! It's a real David & Goliath story. The French, at that time, was a military power and a rag tag army ousted the French.
Now, why does America "celebrate" this holiday. Although I do not know for sure nor do I care, but my observation takes me to beer sales. That's right. Some beer company here in America, probably Budweiser or Coors although of that I am not sure but fairly confident I'm right, started the whole "Cinco de Mayo" garbage.
Beer companies make up all sorts of reasons why you should drink in mass quantities yesterday, today and tomorrow! With the lying "disclaimer" to drink sensibly or to direct you to a "place" if you have problems AND only because these are federal mandates. But, getting past "have to" of "consumer rights" let's get back to beer sales.
Yep, my CS friends! It's a beer company charade and not a patriotic thing. These beer companies that didn't think this garbage up have all joined the parade. BUT!! You can still see Budweiser making big plans with parties and celebrations as if they really cared what the day was supposed to be. Just drink up, baby!!
End of story and I wished it was the end of beer stupidity!
I am an American but the "day" still gets posed as questions to me as if I was born and educated in Mexico. So, I decided to look into history and find out about "Cinco de Mayo".
To begin with, the real Mexican Independence Day is September the 16th. And "Cinco de Mayo" is a commemoration of Mexico winning it's freedom from FRANCE!!!! That's right! It's a real David & Goliath story. The French, at that time, was a military power and a rag tag army ousted the French.
Now, why does America "celebrate" this holiday. Although I do not know for sure nor do I care, but my observation takes me to beer sales. That's right. Some beer company here in America, probably Budweiser or Coors although of that I am not sure but fairly confident I'm right, started the whole "Cinco de Mayo" garbage.
Beer companies make up all sorts of reasons why you should drink in mass quantities yesterday, today and tomorrow! With the lying "disclaimer" to drink sensibly or to direct you to a "place" if you have problems AND only because these are federal mandates. But, getting past "have to" of "consumer rights" let's get back to beer sales.
Yep, my CS friends! It's a beer company charade and not a patriotic thing. These beer companies that didn't think this garbage up have all joined the parade. BUT!! You can still see Budweiser making big plans with parties and celebrations as if they really cared what the day was supposed to be. Just drink up, baby!!
End of story and I wished it was the end of beer stupidity!
That is right....
A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Obama’s clock?' asked the man.
Obama’s clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling fan.
hahahaha
~JOHN~
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Obama’s clock?' asked the man.
Obama’s clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling fan.
hahahaha
~JOHN~
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