Most Viewed Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.
She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

As this is an over 18's site I should be safe to talk about this I remember when it happened as if it were yesterday, though in reality it happened in about 1956 The house where I was born in London had a high wall around it but in the middle were pillars so I could peek through & see the world go by, not that there was ever much activity it being a quiet road, anyway it must have been summer as I was looking through the gaps when a group of older boys came along, they must have been the local gang of "tearaways" as without any warning whatsoever they turned my life inside out, not a thought for my sanity they stopped & one of them said those words, the most feared words a boy of four could ever hear " You know there is no Santa Claus " , well I was stunned but still held on to the forlorn hope they were wrong & rushed inside to consult my mother, I can't now remember what she said but my parents went on with the fraud for years after, but deep down inside I knew it was true, I had been born into a world without Santa Or had I, on the BBC news last night they showed Santa's progress around the world & you can now even track him on Google But just to be on the safe side this year I decided, just in case he didn't arrive, that I should solve my biggest problem myself, I've been stretching it longer & longer in the last few years, to the point where it's too hard to use, I consulted a specialist & he told me I'd over done it with the file on my teeth as well as over stretching it, well what did he expect, you need sharp teeth there was nothing else I could do but treat myself to a new chain for my chainsaw



Merry Christmas bloggers

God doesn't always choose to flaten the mountain...but He has promised to help you climb it!

Don't tell God how big the storm is...tell the storm how big God is!

More is accomplished by folding the hands...than by wringing them!

Even in our messes...God blesses!

When we start kneeling down...things start looking up!



Good friends are just one of the little blessings God gives us to enjoy! So let's enjoy the blessings of each others friendships?

I'm done with shitty LDR, the non-stop arguments and trust issues and online dating is not reliable due to scammers.

I've read plenty of success stories of mail order husband and I think it's worth to give it a try.

I am single ( divorced ), 39 years old...
have a son who sometimes lives with me...
would want to have another son...
emotionally and mentally stable...
have a stable job and financially independent...
educated,funny, happy person...
loves to cook and enjoys romantic night in/out...
pretty good with sensual massage...
willing to pay $500 ( will be given in the morning following the wedding night ) for the following:

Single man (divorced, single, widow)
40-55 years old hunk
have a stable job (rich and super rich need not apply )
physically & mentally fit ( a little tummy will be fine )
wife-fearing ( religious and spiritual preferred if not fanatical)
any race but English is a must
Loving, understanding, thoughtful...and not boring.
Must know his way in the kitchen and in the bedroom
Can afford to buy his own ticket to Jordan and must have a wedding ring ready.

Some terms and conditions will be discuss before wedding ceremony.


Any takers ?

Following the decision to utilize the carcasses of animals that fell victim to poachers, elephant carcasses became available in moderate quantities. To pave the way for the Elephant Carcass Export Company (ECEC) I founded last week, I bring you a recipe on how to prepare this African delicacy.

Ingredients
1 Large African Elephant carcass (Loxodontus Africana)
200 Bags Of Salt
500 Kg Pepper Corns
750 Pockets Of Potatoes
300 Bushels Of Carrots
200 Pockets Of Onions
200 Kg Of Parsley
1 Rabbit

Method
Cut the elephant in bite-sized chunks. This will take about six weeks.
Chop vegetables into cubes. Another four weeks.
Place meat in jumbo size missionary pot.
Add 5123.25 liters of water. (fire hose suggested)
Simmer for 28 days
Shovel in salt and pepper to taste.
When meat is tender add vegetables. (Electric conveyer belt recommended)
Simmer for another 14 days with the lid on.
Garnish with parsley
Serve warm on a bed of cold rice

The recipe serves about 3000 people. If more guests are expected, add the rabbit. However, this is not recommended because very few people like hare in their stew.

Anybody interested in investing in my new venture are welcome to apply. All inquiries will be handled in strict confidence. Only the gullible need to apply. No scammers please.


Have a joyful week.

HI ALL!

It's been awhile , can't think of anything to blog about but I'm in the mood to have some fun here tonight. Been grumpy, cranky, depressed, frustrated, tired and quiet these days...have enough of that, badly need to smile, laugh and giggle...and be crazy

I was thinking of posting a blog but can't really make up my mind as to what topic but I have all these random thoughts keep going round and round in my head...yeah, I know I'm going crazy.

Well, how's your day? I spent half of mine sleeping then half of it on being a sex pest I was rolling some beef roulade earlier, it looked like a uncircumcised p*nis and made me think of naughty thoughts, my hunger disappeared Then I had some tingling in my boobs...my left boob...made me wonder if men have tingly boobs too?

Just messing with you people...and I apologize to all thoughtful friends who took time to send me messages but didn't receive any replies from me...not ignoring you and that's disrespectful of me, simply had no time to hang out here but I appreciate every single thoughts and mail...wishing you all good health and good luck in everything you do

North Korean KPA Last Victory Song when they beat USA 2013 LOL

They already beat everybody with the victory song





Kim Jong Un for World Leader

I COULD WATCH THIS ALL DAY !

This "story" is only 5 seconds. Caution, do not click the start button while sipping your coffee.
MOHAMAD THE SKATEBOARDER


Praise Allah!

Hundreds of innocent wooden chairs executed in the desert.
Its been reported that the scattered remains of hundreds of chairs have been found in the arid desert near the small town of Harare.

Evidence of ethnic cleansing by lay-z-boys and Laura Ashley Patterned upholstered easy chairs will no doubt create yet another conflict in our violent world.

Lets try to forgot the CS issues for a while and think about those chairs that are less fortunate, If you have a wooden chair please hug it.