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Yesterday afternoon I went shopping, and on the drive to our local mall, on the radio, there was a Lawyer talking. He mentioned how concerned he was about peoples legal needs, and that was his main priority..... , he used fancy words, and sounded so sincere. Any dealings I ve had with lawyers, left me with the impression that their main concern was $money$$$$$ Those lawyers jokes are out there for a reason. Heres 2 of my favorite,
A fellow goes to see a lawyer, and asks the lawyer, Is it true that you charge $100 for every question you re asked. The lawyer looks at the fellow and says, Yes, now whats your second question,
Whats brown and black and looks good one a lawyer, A Doberman,
Anyone heard any new ones,

A far-off cousin farms in one of the driest regions in this country. Last week, when it rained there for the first time in 19 years, his 17-year-old son experienced rain for the first time.

When he heard the thunder and saw the lightning, while the water poured from the sky, he thought it was the Lord coming. He fainted with fear.

It took three buckets of sand to get him conscious again.


The lad is expected to recover form his ordeal, but with the scarcity of water, it was decided to do away with his under pants and trousers.

Perhaps being drunk on eBay? We all buy some weird stuff.

I have!...A wood stove at a bargain price, turns out it was for a dolls house.

A palette of 500 mixed paperbacks...they were all the same book..

and you?

The smell of my fingers after eating peel & eat shrimp is enough to make me wash my hands at least 5 times and if it lingers, I'll add a few rounds with alcohol.
I doubt other people resort to this... but that's the way I'm wired.

... and since I created this blog , my name should not be mentioned .or im deleting your post

So, who, in your opinion is the biggest weirdo, Male or Female ...and of cause, why?

Oh dear we're having a blog tantrum


Now folks, blog every available bullshit that comes to your mind as it is just a fecking boring Sunday

Joke received today in email....

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner & theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local taxi company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot.

My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night so, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-by to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.

"That stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her a** with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.

Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard! She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the taxi was deafening.

There was a good definition of age on Twitter the other day. Calculate your age by the number of selfies you take, divided by the number you instantly delete, multiplied by the number you eventually end up letting people see.

It may work better for men. I delete 95% immediately with squawks of horror. The camera does not love me.

Having said that, I have put up current photos. No Goofy hat, no pink gauze swirling. Wotcher think? *does a twirl*

As for the singles hunt on the other websites, I have so many potential dates lined up in Glasgow (only 2 in Edinburgh) that I am flirting with the idea of demanding photos of them smiling (Scottish teeth are intermittent) and / or psychiatric profiles. I like zany slightly unstable people with kind hearts. There's a test for that, I'm sure.

Or, hang ON a moment, insist they buy, read and review one of my books first. (Too soon?)

I lost my set of house keys.

Called every place I have been to see if they found any keys. People would have thought I am a total nut. Nevermind!

I am not worried about the keys but miss my tiny gorilla in the key tag.

I don't think any fool will try to enter if they found out it's my keys.

Sooo..

If you have keys to my house, how would you surprise me without freaking me out?


Don't be an idiot and cuff yourself to the bed in a candy thong.