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WALKS INTO A BAR... DOUBLE VODKAS

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"



AFTER THE HONEYMOON

A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong.

"Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years."

"That's not the problem, " the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!" ... .... .... ,,,,,,,,,,,,QUIZ..........

I am remarkably well and thoroughly sound.
Cut me quick and it will be seen,
That I instantly have a marvelous sheen.
New appear, sometimes old disappear;
I am a wonderful help to mankind,
Proud woman grabs holds me hard,
The wise and knowledgeable man is sure of it.
Even the fool knows it.
The rich man wants it.
The greatest of heroes fears with out it,
Yet the lowliest of cowards would die for it.
What is this upon which I ponder?

Picture it: a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, two men and a woman are shipwrecked. A month passes. Now apply stereotypes (add any not already included)

If all were Italian - one man has killed the other to have the woman.

If all were French - an enjoyable ménage-à-trois.

If all were German - the two men have built the woman a snug little house, and have a rota of alternating visits to her.

If all were Greek - the men are together, and the woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

If all were Bulgarian, the men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

All three Japanese have faxed Tokyo, and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian woman keeps complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

I'm looking for Halloween events here in Amman...found some interesting parties in some pubs, restaurants and hotel but mostly on Friday night 10/30/2015... I'll be working

I found one on Saturday...but it's for little children, even my son won't be interested in it

Halloween is not a big deal here

Any Halloween date yet?

Brand new offering from Andy Borowitz



Seriously, what a sham of an investigation. They didn't even interview Dr. Ford, or another accuser.
They never interviewed Kavanaugh's college roommate.
It seems 5 days was not nearly enough of an investigation, not that I guessed it would be.

Having a hilarious night here...

I finally agreed to meet someone...he would have been the very first one!

We agreed to go dancing and a little drinking tonight

Went to my day time work, hurried back home late afternoon, shaved, did my nails and waited for the big moment while we were exchanging messages.

He said to take my time and enjoy dinner with my son and friends coz the fun won't be till late and just text him when I'm ready so I assumed we will go late.

I attended a Bible study with my friends, I told him I'll be offline for an hour but the Bible study finished a bit late then texted him that I'm ready and prefer to meet him in a roundabout near me...I mentioned a donut shop. He asked if we're going to have donuts, I said I won't mind if he fancy some eclair and they sell coffee too( I was joking! He got pissed off, he said he want to drink and dance so I said OK, I simply suggested we meet in the donut shop because I've never been to this place he's planning to take me, from this roundabout we can go to this disco place. He said, he didn't know the place and he's taking taxi and would feel like an idiot walking around looking for me He said wanted us to take a taxi coz he wanted to drink so I said I will drive when he's intoxicated, he said he wanted us both to drink.

He lashed out at me for being late and being dishonest about the Bible study, we started arguing...and we haven't even met yet ffs! so I told him to get some sleep and called the whole thing off.

Took off my clothes, grabbed my laptop and posted a blog..boy, feels good be here

Goodnight, Shawn!

You looked at the blog title and thought, “stupid Map writing garbage again” but tables are the most misunderstood and ignored furniture in our world today.

We use tables all the time, you are probably using one now, but spare a thought for the pain and hardship it endures while it provides you with a smooth sturdy surface to put your things and shit on.

Did you know that tables originate from the Roman era? They used to use piles of slaughtered slaves until Pontius Surfacious complained he couldn’t scribe stuff onto his parchment as it was too lumpy, A kind hearted citizen simply placed a piece of timber on the pile of dead slaves and the table was born.

In 1917 tables volunteered to fight in the trenches, one table received the George Cross for bravery by charging a machine gun nest and saving a regiment from certain death.

We all know that Yuri Gagarin was the first person in space after that dog Laika managed to do it, but in 1958 an oak coffee table was the first table in space and to successfully carry out a spacewalk.

Do you know how many tables you keep as slaves? And what do you think about them?

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He needs a new milk cow and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls...the cow farts.

Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again.

Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home.

He gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor Sven, and
says, 'Sven, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought.'

'Pull her tit, and see vat happens.' Sven reaches under, pulls the
tits - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?'

Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.

Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how'd yah know?'

Sven says, 'My wife's from Nordakota.'

ARE HAPPIER....than couples who are very attractive and very successful.

Less attractive couple tend to see and appreciate the inner person of each other. Same goes for an attractive person who is with a less attractive partner. Inner beauties, good characters and unique personalities leave lasting impressions than the outside beauty, could be the reason why relationships between less attractive couples last longer than those couple who "have it all". They are settled, content and couldn't ask for anything more. Attractive people who has it all tend to feel they deserve better and more...and have difficulties in settling for less than what they think they deserve so they keep searching for more and easily swayed by appearances

I used to ask my husband, why he wanted me above others who are very attractive. He's quiet a catch and many were after him and I felt he deserve someone way better than me. He told me that I never bore him, each day is a new adventure with me around while those who are very attractive without good personality will easily bore him and many will look at them and they could easily look for someone better than him too.

A good looking Western guy who's married to our friend whom we consider as "ugly" ( and she herself agreed with us ) said that he married her not just because she is funny and nice person but also because she is ugly and no one will look at her and compete with him He feels secure and doesn't worry every time he turns his back...no one will chase her They are comfortable and happy together

Our neighbor who's "fat" and not attractive is married to unattractive man but they are very happy and very sweet to each other. They have 3 daughters and their home is full of laughters.

Celebrity marriages, those are mostly couple who have it all but their relationship seems shallow and many don't last long. They have it all, they can easily get what they want and easily get bored and look for a new adventure.

I have a BF, he is always grumpy and has big tummy but very attractive and successful. I always tell him to look for someone better than me...he said he's not going to look because there's only one Fruitloop in this world and that's me. I always ask myself, what the f*ck does he see in me? Maybe because he's comfortable and feel secure that no one else will chase me whenever he turns his back

To feel more secure and comfortable, I think will have to look for someone with unattractive appearance but with good humor and personality...but I have to get rid of this jerk first

Just trying to make you laugh, don't take me too seriously please

Where Are You Politically?

Church and politics. I avoid them both religiously. Unfortunately, I can no more separate myself from politics than humans can separate themselves from nature.
It's just not possible.

It's up to me to do what I can to find out what is really going on. The internet helps, but as you may have noticed, there is much untruth on the web.

I needed a simple device to help me orient myself in a confusing blizzard of contradictory information. Taking inspiration from modern physics, I sought clarity through higher dimensionality.

The traditional political spectrum is a one dimensional line, and apparently has had a "Left" and a "Right" since the French Revolution (Post-royalty, the conservative elements, clergy and surviving nobility, sat to the right of the President while the more reactionary citizens, you and me, sat to the left.

Here I drew the spectrum using contemporary terminology. I leave you to decide where along the line that you are proud to be.



If you grasp the 2 ends of the line and bend the line into a circle, you now have a two dimensional representation.

Now where are you proud to be?



If you look at politics in the west in general and the US in particular, the extreme left does not really exist anymore. It has been effectively lopped off thanks to the Cold War.
No such pruning has been done on the right, a circumstance that is most evident in the American 2-party system. Much to the dismay of the Republican party, there is only one place for the right wing nutters to go and that is the Republican party.

Even though I don't pay much attention, I still feel that I'm being bombarded with badness. Loss of freedoms, falling standard of living, enemies on all sides and within. It's like a combination of Joseph McCarthy and Weapons of Mass Destruction.