breadcrumb Elegsabiff Blog

Wot's thet?

Big 7 Travel has ranked the 50 sexiest accents in the world - I feel I could make some safe money taking bets if you lot weren't able to look up the answers for yourselves, but put it this way, you could have coloured me surprised.

Top 10

10. Brazilian Portuguese

9. American Southern states

8. Spanish

7. French

6. Scottish

5. Australian

4. Italian

3. Irish

2. South African (the Afrikaans one)

I'll let you absorb that lot and prepare yourself for the sexiest accent on earth.
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a kind of magic

Big brand new rented car parked in narrow road. Add Spanish drivers, who are not always wonderful. Mix and stir, and you get a scrape across 2 door panels and the tucked-in wing mirror.

Enter the magic - buffed out completely with toothpaste

In my chequered past I was once a letting agent so have known for years that white toothpaste is the handiest and most effective way of filling nail-holes left in walls (sets harder than concrete) but now I have another reason to carry toothpaste in my DIY arsenal

smitten
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When world leaders, past, present, or wannabe, take on a challenge

The challenge is to turn the colour yellow to red.

Wonder if anyone will recognize any of my attempts at caricature (I shall be adding one per comment) and as I am a bit dof I would of course welcome better caricatures.

This is equal-opportunity offensiveness, so you can leave the hate at home.








Naturally the poking starts close to home. My political awareness is very limited (like my skill at satire) so it won't be many comments unless others join in.
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When Solitaire's the only game in town

More and more people in their 30s and 40s are choosing to be alone, to have a social network but no partner and no lasting ties. Most people on their own would rather have someone to go out with than to come home to. In fact the number of single-person households across the world has sky-rocketed by 80% in the last 30 years. The biggest age-group within that statistic is 35 to 64.

And at 64? Probably time to find a soulmate so you’re sorted for the last stretch.

One small problem, long-term singles are awfully picky. You might consider giving up your single status for someone who looks amazing, is excellent company but gives you space when you want it, will hop into bed and perform with gusto when but only if you are in the mood, and eventually look after your every need, including financial, as you move through the foothills of approaching age into the unknown. Anyone less, nah.

roll eyes

You could lower that bar, of course. There are a million websites offering to introduce seasoned singles to other seasoned singles. Find your very own lightly creased companion for the years ahead while you both have enough vigour and energy to get used to being together. Some do come with children, even grandchildren. No?

How about a young looker from another country who would rather be in your country and will in return be nice to you and look after you? You do need quite big bucks for that one. No?

So, looking ahead, what happens when there aren’t children so there won’t be grandchildren to make you feel young, when work isn’t the be-all and end-all that it was, and retirement looms, or has already landed. When the partner for life, if there ever was one, is no longer there. When being alone is no longer a choice but has suddenly become reality . . . uh oh

Problem?

Turns out, nah, not quite so much as you might think. The first few comments are bits that would have made this too long a blog. (Too late, too late!)
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Why hug?

That's fairly recent, the whole hugging thing, when I was younger (and mammoths roamed the earth, I know, I know) you offered your hand and the stranger or acquaintance shook it and jolly good show what what. Now I'm introduced to a stranger or meet an acquaintance and somewhat to my alarm they close in for kisses (praises be I am in Spain, 2 kisses, and not France, 3 or more) or a hug. What? I barely know you! Even men meeting men do the half-hug / backslap thing here, and it was becoming increasingly common in Scotland before I left. Is it international now? I need a teddybear to handle my social hugs for me.

teddybear

Don't get me wrong, I love real hugging. I would change my profile to say 'I could hug you so hard all your broken bits will join up forever' except that I get enough odd mail as it is already. uh oh but here's the other odd thing - the hug, it seems, is only for acquaintances now. When you know each other better, see each other often - no more hugging. Now that's just wrong. Them's the people I WANT to hug and cuddle and pat and scrunch just because I am so very pleased to see them, or when we are parting to tide me over to the next time I see them.

confused
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April Fool!

April Fools day has become extraordinary for one unexpected reason - it is now the only day of the year that people query news items on the internet before accepting them as true

dancing

So, a supermarket chain announced a new app that will let you taste-test products by licking your phone

Another app, the phone-home which lets you not only talk to your plants, but they can let you know if they need more water / light / air

Dipping hot chillis in chocolate and offering them to your kiddies as chocolate-covered strawberries

The usual numpties phoning the emergency services to report an emergency oh ha ha roll eyes

Seems to have been a quiet one this year, anyone hear of a good one?

I am wallpapering stairs (no, I really am) so shall be popping in and out. That is if I can unstick myself from my keyboard this time.
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How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Border Collie – just one, and then I’ll replace any wiring that isn’t up to code
German Shepherd – I’ll change it as soon as I’ve escorted everyone from the dark and checked to make sure no-one is still inside, or has taken advantage of the situation
Labrador – oh, me me me! Pleeeeeeze let me! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Oh pleeeeeze please please please please!
Australian Shepherd – first let me put all the light bulbs in a circle
Jack Russell – sure, I’ll pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture
Pointer – I see it, there it is, right there
Greyhound – it isn’t moving, who cares?
Rottweiler – make me
Dachshund – you know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Golden Retriever – the sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve our whole lives in front of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?
Poodle – I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry

The cat – dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. snooty How long before I can expect light, dinner, and a massage?

(Not my own, but it made me laugh and I found one or two personalities oddly familiar)
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Some guy called Obama

I looked wistfully back at March 2016 and guess what, there were 3 - only THREE wow - political blogs on this international singles website. One about Japan, the other 2 by a nutter were demanding changes in the US. That blogger's profile is shown as deleted, but the anger and wild wording is remarkably similar to a 'new' blogger currently showering us with violent opinions and multiple exclamation marks. roll eyes

We've heard more (often foam-flecked) about this guy Obama since the other guy took over than in all the years of his administration. confused why do the new lot feel so irrationally threatened? Actually, don't tell me.I'll go read a blog if I ever get interested enough to care. Certainly plenty to choose from. Three years ago, 3 political blogs on TWO screens. Just on our first screen on an
international
singles
website

there are 16 political blogs about the USA. Overkill.

More to the point, though, spotted a few names back then who are MIA, does anyone have good news about Dedovix, Catfoot, Vikingson, Jarred, Abby, GoldenGloss, Ccincy, Unlaoised, Pedal, Ed1941? I know Chrome is getting married, wine Mapmaker I wish would come back occasionally even if he is violently allergic to US politics, and oh we miss you Pat8lanips. If it is just the political thing keeping you lot away, we can raise a petition or something.

(There were others who I do know have reappeared under new profiles since 2016 eg Dreamcatcher hug)
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Perfect gifts – edited from week-to-go to Got one! last comments

There was a joke suggestion on FB re the perfect Christmas gift for writers so naturally I re-posted it on the spot but it got me thinking. Perfect gifts cost the giver nothing but time and a bit of thought, and delight the receiver.

What else qualifies as a perfect gift? A bunch of wild flowers is the only other one I can think of. Nice but a bit – boring. There have to be other things in this crass commercial world which have no cash price yet are priceless. When we were kids, hell, easy – parents finding time to play a game of our choosing with us was the best gift of all.

Tough to work out what someone else would like. Perhaps there’s something real and achievable you’d really prefer to a pair of socks or another woolly or silky scarf for your collection. If you could share, that’ll give us all ideas

And yeah the grownup version of ‘finding time to play with us’ would go down well but not all of us have someone to oblige sigh

rolling on the floor laughing

Off to school, where a good rating from a student means a bonus for me, so I’m sorted with my wish for today . . .
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Avoiding the troll blog

but for those who took my comments personally, Art, Bekard - to be 60 or 70 or 80 does not make one automatically senile and I apologise, it never occurred to me that would be taken that way. My father was still practicing medicine at 80 and getting referrals from other specialists in his field because he was like a living reference library, he'd seen it ALL. Some people can be senile at 60 and some remain sharp to 90 plus. I said senile and decrepit with respect to one individual, not intending the implication it was because of his age. I don't think he has changed in essentials in years and years. Given the chance 20 years ago he was just as likely to call national emergencies about non-emergencies before shambling away for a weekend's relaxing golf, for example. JMO.

tip hat

But also JMO, I would say that a job like leading a country calls for a younger person. There's a fair amount of pressure involved, no? I joke about wanting to rule the world but it would be a pretty scary place if I did because an awful lot of people would get their heads lopped off, who has the patience for their shit at this age?

Mic, wrong, the candidate I like is way way down in the listings - Pete Buttigieg. He hasn't a hope of getting in unfortunately, one giant strike against him apart from his age: "The 37-year-old mayor of South Bend, Indiana, launched his presidential bid in late January. Buttigieg — pronounced BOOT-edge-edge — has an implausible resume: He’s a Rhodes Scholar who was elected mayor of this industrial Midwest city while still in his twenties. He’s led an economic revival over seven years in office, during which time he also served a seven-month tour with the Navy in Afghanistan. Buttigieg is openly gay and live-streamed his wedding on YouTube."

But you should hear him talk. Especially by comparison to the old farts of both parties. No shouting, no ranting, no platitudes. He's informed, sensible, intelligent AND clued-up. Not many interviews because he obviously hasn't a hope but he really comes across well on the two I watched. Sadly, being gay, he would naturally instantly be accused of wanting to introduce forced homosexuality in schools roll eyes

No comments, that was all I wanted to say but I didn't care to return to that blog. barf

Update: I expected this blog to be read a couple of times, no comments, and to drop out of sight while still topical. So, since vague pointy-finger blogs are annoying, the troll in question has a name not unlike GoldenShower (gold, diamonds, whatever) was Caucasian, now a Pacific Islander, was living in New York, now on an island, was Christian then switched to Islamic (so far - he hasn't been with us long, who knows how many times he can reinvent himself, watch that space) and the blog was 'creepy Joe Biden'. I objected to it, got called on a couple of my comments, and responded here. tip hat

Oh and GoldenShower said he didn't want Biden near his daughter, so he may well be adding ex-wives and children to his profile at some point but at the time of the blog didn't, um, have a daughter.

Trit trot.
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Perceptions, people.

Don’t even think of responding until you have read the bottom line. It was created by someone with Asperger Syndrome and is, in its own way, incredibly brilliant.

I’m horrible
So don’t try to convince me that
I have real qualities
Because at the end of the day
I hate myself in every single way
And I’m not going to lie to myself by saying
There is value in me that matters
Every day I will remind myself
That I am an ugly worthless terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
I can give and receive love
Because no matter what
I am too awful to be loved
And I am in no position to believe that
Lovability does exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think
Am I as vile as people say?



Now read the whole thing from the bottom line up.
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Become famous - upset people. It's so today.

There’s a post on FB doing the rounds – the average Brit pensioner gets £79 a week, the average asylum seeker gets £350 a week, a free car, luxury housing, etc etc, share if you think this is a disgrace.

The FB friend who shared it is raging very mad and so are the other comments. It is, of course, a joke – or so the original poster would claim. No intention to spread false information, no no no. I posted a copy-paste from the UK govt website showing exactly what allowances an asylum seeker can claim (around 10% of the amount quoted), and also the current full state pension (more than double the figure quoted). The angry comments have stopped but I’m the party-pooper. People want to be angry. We live in a world where people want to be lied to, they love to be outraged.

The current potus is, by modern standards, the most successful in history. Whether people are fawning, mocking, or gobbling like turkeys with rage, he fulfils the modern need to a T. Everyone has heard of him, everyone has an opinion, and every other politician in the world seems to be acting out in the hope of getting as much attention. Never mind the quality, feel the width.

Get with the beat, Baggy. I may be gone a while, I am trying to work out my best way of cashing in on now that I have finally worked out how it's done

laugh
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