"proclaimed" independent women
In my opinion, when a woman “proclaims” she is an independent woman, red flags go off within me. I don’t know. Maybe this is coming from the ignorant part of me. ? Therefore, I am just curious as to what it means to be an independent woman.When a person proclaims to be somebody or something, in essence, they are making it part of their identity. For example, I imagine a woman who proclaims she is independent as not “needing” anyone to live.
Here is why the red flags go off when I hear that a women describes herself as independent. I am a man looking for a long-term relationship. I would like to be with a woman who needs me as much as I need her. Afterall, we are in a relationship. I think interdependent relationships are healthy; whereas, co-dependent relationships are not so healthy. In either case, there is some level of dependency within the relationship. Does a proclaimed independent woman see it like that? I do not know.
Take for example, if there was an argument in our relationship. Arguments happen in all relationships. Is an independent woman going to look at the situation and say, I do not need this cr*P…I am out of here? I do not know. What about if children are brought into the relationship? Is the independent woman going to think one day I do not need my husband anymore and just leave, therefore removing the father from the children’s typical family life? Most of the times, here in the States, women get custody of the children.
I do not know exactly what a proclaimed independent woman means. Are you moderately independent or are you extremely independent? I have nothing against any people and am all for equality for everyone. Does equality and independence mean the same thing to a proclaimed independent woman?
Maybe I am missing something because I believe in treating people equally; or, maybe I am just ignorant. In either case, I look forward to hearing what others think about this. ?
I will be on and off the computer and may not be able to respond to all responses right away but I promise I will respond to everyone.
I am sure there are men who claim they are independent also and I would say the same thing about them. However, I have not read too many men's profiles so....I don't know. :)
Comments (88)
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Only the hard core feminist would say differently... Maybe that is the kind of person you are talking about.
"Someone who has been independent in their living financially and emotionally does not need someone to make them happy BUT when their heart LOVES someone then they NEED that person to feel complete... this person has the need but preceded by love."
Your statement above I think answers a lot of my questions about the person who proclaims to be independent.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
In fact, I wrote down Stephen R. Covey's name. I am going to do some research on his work.
Again, thank you for sharing this.
Yeah....I understand now about the needy....needing me.....lol
wallops is quite correct...we all need someone...I doubt any woman would throw it away for a minor disagreement...most people I know try to work on their relationships before coming to the conclusion that it is over...
-own ways of thinking
-own ideas
- do not want to be controlled
Wonderful input. I am assuming if you got into a relationship you would be willing to share with ways of thinking, ideas, and control when it was pertinent? However, you can still remain your own individual within the relationship. :)
Thank you for sharing your perspective here. :)
I understand your independence is based of of minimum standards for self-support and shares.
I am not sure what shares are.
Also....yes.....that is the age old secret...."never let the other think my life is hell w/out them." I am somewhat guilty of this myself. I can understand why a person would do that.....but....I think....no matter how hard you do not let the other person know it is not hell without them....especially if it was a long-term relationship....I think the other just knows it is hell.
I can understand that rational.....a lot of women are stereotyped as gold diggers or clingy. I can see where stating they are independent would ward away such stereotypical statements. :)
Nice.
That might be a concern. You are right though....a lot of terrible relationships may make them have a low tolerance. Hmmm...an independent woman with a chip on her shoulder sounds like a tough one. :) Hopefully....the independent woman with a chip on her shoulder has become more wise....but has an open mind. :))
I am not well johnny!!! So just watching!!!
Naaw! I don't share my popcorn, with nobody.....
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EAT and ENJOY
Only the hard core feminist would say differently...
That is an interesting concept. Yes....I think that hits the nail on the head. When I was talking about the moderate independent person and the extreme independent. Perhaps the extreme independent is the hard core feminist. :) ......So, would you say there may be some concern with a hard core feminist?
See you got the popcorn...and yes hopefully people will have open minds when it comes to love...it works both ways though...baggage is not just a female thing...don't sleep...lol...
Shares? Well, what I mean is that since sharing is part of our life needs, so in order to fulfill that, I will need others.
Not if I am an independent woman!
Again, I am all for equality. But, does striving for equality and being an extreme independent woman equate as being the same?
Look at me...I bought my own popcorn.
Oops Wal.....I beat you to it. :) I bought my own.
Okay folks.....I appreciate everything. Thank you all so much.
I will check on the blog tomorrow....until then...sleep tight or enjoy the beautiful day in front of you.
Night Night....
P.S. checking for those black widows.
check your bed...for those black widows...good night!!
I need a strong guy who knows what he wants and goes for it. I do like having someone to have interesting conversations with and who sees things from a different view. Someone independent.
I appreciate a guy like this, someone strong I can lean on, someone intelligent and interesting I can ask for advice and who can be a sounding board and I think in the past I was the same for himself.
I don't believe in opposites attract, I am attracted to someone with a similar background, values, lifestyle and interest. I think having things in common and common goals is the most important thing to consider a future together.
A willingness to share the good and the bad, to communicate and to be there no matter what happensd is essential - I think the basics have to be there, as well as being kind and considerate and the rest is about compatibility and different for everyone.
good one
Women have been competing with us even struggled to take our position not realizing that there is no competition, there is no ultimate prize to be won
Everyone has his role in life
I like to know that my woman needs my company and enjoys my attention. I have found 'independent' somewhat cold and distant. Not quite prepared to fully commit.
No, I don't want to conquer men!Man, need to be a woman love and rely on...
I like the part where you state that women are quietly strong. I guess that is where the proclaiming the independent part kinda makes me feel funny. lol
There is no doubt....you do not want to p-off a lady. :)
Thank you very much for the additional information as well. That is something I learned, perhaps a bit too late, that women like the little things that show her you appreciate her.
Thanks again. :)
I think that is wonderful that women now have the ability to comfortably leave a relationship if problems arise and cannot be resolved.
I know when my ex-gf and I broke up...we were together for 13 years...not married...and I would like to think she was the reason we broke up (lol)....but, we still split everything 50/50...I was happy to do so. That was the fair thing to do.
Thank you for commenting.
In a sense, I would automatically assume that a women is her own individual and is independent. But, when they state they are a independent person....before this blog anyway...I somewhat interpreted it as "independent" being part of their perceived identity of themselves. I guess I was thinking of the hard-core feminist. :)
By the way it sounds, the word independent may have different meanings to different people. It may be a good idea to find out exactly what that meaning is to the person who states it in their profiles.
We all have are individual preferences of who we think would be our perfect match.....or.....closest to perfect match. :)
Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Yes, KN certainly does have some great viewpoints. Thank you so much for stopping by. :)
I am looking forward to checking your blog today and seeing the animals. :)
May your day be wonderful as well.
Yes, I think you are correct....SOME women might just be like that. I wonder if competition w/ men isn't why some women proclaim "independent."
But as previously stated, proclaimed independent may have different meanings to different people.
I like L.L.'s advice of being wise to your choice of partner.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Dedo.
GET WELL SOON! You are a wonderful soul, and I hope you have the opportunity to enjoy all the beauty around you. :)