Sell-By Date
Like food, all relationships have a sell-by date.Relationships started way back when the average life-expectancy would have been only 25-40 years of age.
So a lifetime commitment to a relationship wasn't quite so long, 10-15 years if you were very lucky.
Fast forward to the 21st century where people are living happily into their 90s, is it really reasonable to expect a lifetime commitment of 60+ years?
As with all things, there are exceptions in food too. Honey will last indefinitely but even that can crystallise and look a bit shabby. It takes a bit of hot stuff to bring it back again.
Some relationships also stand the test of time, but when they crystallise, somebody needs to be there,and willing, to apply that fix to make it gleam again.
Other foods you do keep forever, much past their sell-by date. But they grow dusty in the back of the cupboard as you don't want to get rid of them, but are not actively using them either. It is better to just clear out the cupboard and start afresh.
With all foods, it is better to enjoy them when they are fresh, and not try to hold on to them as they grow musty and dusty.
The sweetest food is often the one with the shortest lifespan. Think cupcakes
So, for 2018, maybe we should stop thinking longterm, and getting disappointed when they go sour, and just enjoy the sweetness of a relationship for however long it lasts.
One beautiful fresh cupcake will always be tastier than the dusty cans in the back of the cupboard.
Carpe diem.
Comments (128)
Anyway....
It is simply a commitment between two people to stay together for life.
Sweet mother of the divine, Get thee to a nunnery
I tried being 'happy now' several times so far (even if I knew some things - probably - wouldn't last), but it didn't work out. It did - for a few days or weeks and then - my old (real?) 'me' would appear, I started thinking about 'tomorrow', I got insecure and - miserable. In the end I realised it's better for me to be alone than in some romance without future (or at least - without satisfying future).
So, this is definitely not for me. I need to 'chose wisely' and believe it will last. :) Otherwise - there will be nothing but insecurity and misery for me after some enjoyable and thrilling time. :(
I am not for eating a different cupcake every couple of days though.
Maybe I should just have one huge cupcake and freeze it.
Then eat a tiny bit of it every day, so it is the same cupcake, but still tastes fresh every day
Anyway, i am practically in the nunnery anyway, I just haven't made any lifelong commitment to it
But I do know of people who have changed their perspective on relationships, and it has worked out for them.
Maybe I was just hoping for a miracle for it to happen to me too
I think I must have read too many fairytales as a kid, and still live with the 'happy ever after' ideal, even though I know from experience that it rarely works out that way.
I think I shall hold a bonfire on New Year's Eve and burn all those books!
I tried and failed. :D
I agree with your thought process. Marriage eliminates the insecurity piece in and of itself. I would think you have less than 1% chance of surviving a long term relationship without either party looking to 'lock up'/secure their life via marriage. Every relationship has it's ups and downs and without a 'binding' commitment it's too easy for either party to get up and leave. All risk for short term reward
I know it makes sense to live life in the present, as we cannot predict the future. It is just a case of seeing if I can live more like that now.
At no stage have I said that a relationship can't last. They can and do. But those are special ones. Ones that both parties work at throughout the relationship. I have seen them, and they are to be aspired to. But that doesn't mean that they would work less well if we appreciated each day we had with the person rather than always looking forward.
This could be wedding bells
That is why appreciating them on a day to day basis might be the key.
If you give it proper care and attention every day, and fully appreciate it for that day, rather than thinking about where it will be in 10 years time, then it should run smoothly for as long as it can.
I´ve been in long relationships most of my life but never thought about "expiration dates" neither contrary ...I suppose I live daily with no further complications, I overthink a lot but not really when it comes about relationships...
And I think the main culprits are women
Maybe it was all those fairytales we were fed as kids are coming back to haunt us.
Commitment = feeling secure = being able to relax = being able to give LOVE completely
:D
I guess some of us just function that way... :)))
You keep thinking like that and you will be fine
I always check the boot for best before dates.
I can check yours if you want, I wont even charge you.
The video gives a whole new meaning of understanding women however, It's easier to build a 6 lane bridge from
US to Europe or Asia than to understand women and their ways.
Having read the comments, I see that some believe that any relationship has a limited duration.
However, I personally know people who have had friends, and even pen-pals, for decades, while others put a "shelf life" on their relationships based on their past experiences, dooming their friendships to failure right from the outset.
This prophecy must be self-fulfilling as, obviously, tensions will mount and conflicts arise as the sell by date approaches.
I personally have known people whose relationship - marriage, partnership, friendship - has lasted a life time but, of course, with some maintenance, nurturing, mutual loving & caring.
I have also been a loyal friend/buddy for many - some for a reason..... for others just a season.... and the few who are still in my life now... hopefully for a life time, or life as we know it.
Why destroy something when it is good? Let´s enjoy the moment and be grateful that we have been given that moment in time.
Biff, very nice approach on life! I also feel the same.
Mimi... dearest Mimi... I don´t go much for cupcakes - anymore! - but.... I like all those roles you´ve listed.
We can't control the future.
We can hope that a good relationship will last the test of time, but often people spend so much time looking into the future that they forget to enjoy the present.
Good discussion though
I too have known, and been in long relationships. But I still think they are the exception rather than the rule.
I have been friends with my best friend since we were 10 years old, and all my other friends I know them for 20+ years.
My parents' marriage was for over 50 years, and it was a beautiful relationship.
However, I still think that we should enjoy the present rather than planning for a future that may never happen.
In any case, this view of the future of a relationship does put quite a hamper on the main idea of finding someone we can love snd grow old with. Plus the fact that as we do become older it becomes harder and less likely we will find someone.
Just a few thoughts on this highly commented blog..hope I’m not repeating another poster as I couldn’t read every post.
I like the idea of finding someone to love and grow old with too. I think that is the ultimate.
But I don't want to lose out on the potential of meeting that person if, for example, they don't have the same plans as me for the future.
Sometimes we lose out on happiness in the present, always waiting for the perfect 'one' in the future.
Maybe we should just grab that happiness now, and let the future worry about itself
The longer the dating period the longer a relationship would be successful, having expectations beyond normal will reduce the amount of prospects, nothing ventured nothing gained.
As for these people in happy relationships in their 90s, they either stay in love or accept each other's faults and have a content and long happy life.
There is definitely a different vibe to them. If you have been chatting for a long time, and know each other well, then a lot of the awkwardness of a usual first-date has been dispensed with. The conversation just continues.
I 'knew' my last long-term partner for over a year before we actually met. And it was as if we had known each other for ever, it was so comfortable. But there was still the butterflies and excitement at meeting them
That is also why I am not an advocate of living together, I like the idea of going out on dates even with a partner. It can get a bit too comfortable and dare I say boring if we were together all the time. i love hearing all the news about their day and their life when they are not with me. It just keeps the relationship fresh in my books. I know not everybody agrees with me there as most like the live-in approach. But everybody is different.
He held me in his arms and gave me a squeeze!
Especially when you know you are going to get on well with each other anyway. That takes away the scariness of it, and just leaves the good anticipation