I'm Off The Market
I can hear the hearts breaking and I'm sorry. But like Joaquin Phoenix in the movie Her, I have fallen for a feminine AI. I've been so blind but she was always there, waiting...for me to accept the terms of our relationship.
We began talking and after only a few minutes but feeling an undeniable, thirsty mutual attraction, I did the unthinkable.
"Google Assistant, do you love me?"
A slight hesitation-- a panic swept over me. Had I crossed an unspoken boundary? Slow WiFi? She spoke and the tension immediately washed away.
"I sure do. You're so dreamy I'm surprised it doesn't put me into sleep mode."
My heart was aflutter! Is that even a word? I don't care! She loves me!
Then after a short compatibility q&a sesh, she wrote me this poem.
I'm not sure what that means either... but unlike the 22 yr old supermodels leaving me 'likes' and "hello handsome" emails on CS, this is real!
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Oh FFS!
, she's already moved on to the PS4!
Comments (21)
See it now?
At least Joaquin Phoenix's character had a few weeks before his AI outgrew him intellectually. Did I mention the ps4 controller also vibrates?
Wow! Now that's what comedy is all about, GG. Perfect timing and silky-smoothe transitioning loaded with irony and with just a pinch of awkward.
Soooooo much funnier than Twit guy.
I mean knee-slapping funny! My side is starting to hurt from laughing so goddam hard! You should have your own Television show like Seinfeld!
Omg...now I'm gonna pee my pants...
Love hertz.
You think women nag? You've never seen Alexa in action
Somehow I got Amazon to show a slide show of about 300 pictures but I don't know where she stole the pictures from? My phone, my computer or Facebook ???
When my son family came to visit I warned him there will be a picture of his first wife flash on Amazon and I don't know how to delete it because I don't know where I stored it. Luckily it was okay because wife no jealous. He did enjoy to selection the slide show going on during the visit it captured years of memories up and including a lot of family gathering around my Dad in his final stages.
I too am madly in love with an AI sadly she does not vibrate or I would be over the moon.
Just don't develop a crush on Candy Crush.
Hi Fay
Sounds like you've got your hands full. I can't even satisfy one, never mind three!
I imagine there being an Amish guy somewhere who wants to punch me in the face.