How To Read Female Profiles

When we finally get to meet the women of our dreams we are often disappointed because the object in our dreams is not quite as she described herself in her profile. Now don’t get me wrong; I not saying that women are liars, they just speak a different language than men and we often interpret their jargon incorrectly. Please note that I’m not blaming the women for this, the problem is with us.professor

Ok ladies, this is where you get off the bus; this is for men only. If you read on, it will be at your own risk because this may get vulgar. Don’t complain about it later.devil

And now that the ladies have left tongue us, I’ll try to give you guys a few guidelines on how to read female profiles. I cannot go through all of it but here are a few good examples of the phrases/words they use in their profiles to describe themselves and what they really mean. If the time permits we can look at what they expect in a partner at afterwards.grin

When they say – It actually translates to
Accommodating – I take in boarders
Athletic Body – I can lick you any day, so watch your step
Caring – I’m looking after my sickly mother who lives in
Decent – I only curse when it slips out.
Elegant – I usually overdress and overdo make-up
Enjoy good food – I expect to be treated on expensive meals
Flexible – I don’t really know what I want
Friendly – I’m a flirt
Good Humored – I like to hear new dirty jokes
Good Looking – I can see well without specs
Healthy Body – I’m HIV positive but on ARVs
Honest – I only lie when I have to
Like Traveling – I commute to work every day
Literate – I passed Grade 4
Love Animals – I hate men
Modest – I m not a good conversationalist
No Mental Issues – I just blame it all to PMS
Religious – You won’t have sex with me until you promise to marry me
Sensitive – I have a short temper
Serious – I cannot take a joke
Sociable – I play the field
Sophisticated – I drink cheap wine out of fancy glasses
Understanding – I speak several languages
Well Informed – I gossip all the time
Well Read – I have a lot of comic books
Witty – I know a lot of dirty jokes

Sorry guys, we’ll have to cut this short. I think our private meeting had been infiltrated because I can smell Malaysian cupcakes and Irish home baked scones. laugh

Memorize these phrases and their true meanings and you will understand their profiles so much better. I hope it helps.hmmm
cats meow cats meow

And as always, you don’t have to pay me for this most valuable advice. I render it as a free service in order to promote a better understanding between the genders.conversing

Comments (107)

Catfoot applause


Specially for you and you can share with GentleJim if you want but not with my Arty ok scold
I understand now!

thumbs up beer
Hi Mimi
Thank you.

Hmm, I suppose I can spare one for Jim but I have not seen much of him lately.

Don't worry, your Arty is safe. I'm not giving anymore away.laugh
Hi Track
I'm glad that I could be of assistance in finding your dream woman. It is just a matter of knowing what to look for.laugh
Cat, I agree on at least two points on your long list of bollocks.

Now this one is for all you perfect, charming, oh so adorable men.

Ten things men know about women.


Enjoy those cup cakes. They look as delicious and smooth as your tongue tongue
Women are vacant?
Hi Diova
You have me in total suspense. I'm dying to know which two you can agree on.laugh

Oh, good heavens, we're not perfect. Adorable yes, but not perfect at all. We cannot even understand your jargon. It took me all of fifty years to decipher this twenty-odd phases & words and I have not even scratched the surface.

And for your list, I agree with all ten points. But then as my grandfather told me a very long time ago, women were made to be loved, not to be understood.idea
Hi Tokyo
I fear I don't understand your question. Could you elaborate please.
I was responding to Diova's list of 10 things men understand about women.
Tokyo's referring to my list, Cat. See! laugh

At least you know the most important thing about the fairer sex bouquet

Jy is 'n bliksem. Adorable, maar nog steeds 'n bliksem hug
Hi Tokyo

That was too deep for me so early in the morning. Yes a good question.laugh
I'll take that as a compliment. They are so few and far between that I must accept whatever I can get.giggle
I just replied to a thread on the forums about a guy who wears women's panties, then read this thread's title again but read it as How To Read Female Panties.

Now that's a topic.....
Hi Tokyo,
I think you're right. Every panty tells a story. I guess our scants do the same.laugh
Cat, doh you will be hearing from international criminal court very soon for crimes against women kind and humanity.

You were not supposed to decode our code language nor publish it. Now how can we make unsuspecting men, to believe us and keep up with the procreation.rolling on the floor laughing
hi Usha,
For reasons escaping me now I somehow suspect that you have spent an extended period in the USA or that you've been watching too many of their TV programs and movies.laugh
Here's your scone...... writing

Hi Molly
Thank you, it looks delicious and is much appreciated. applause

I'm annoyed by you and Mimi cutting my meeting with the guys short. You can be lucky that I'm just as corrupt as the rest of Africa otherwise I would not have accepted your bribes.laugh
I don't see too many men on the thread, Cat uh oh

You should be lucky we are on here

If only to take notes to use against you at a later date cool
Hi Molly
Oh, they all scattered when we discovered that we were infiltrated. you see they need to protect their identities; didn't you see that they all wore masks. Believe me, they are the silent majority today.rolling on the floor laughing

The truth be told, there are never many men on my blog. I wonder why that would be. Maybe I give away too many of our secrets during my continuous ramblings and rantings. dunno
rolling on the floor laughing hug
Oh, I have instructed security to confiscate all notes and/or recording devices at the exits
grin devil
Here are a few men's ones to add to yours:

Body Size: Average.......................Overweight

Height: 5'10" (178cm) ...................5'8" (173cm)

Social drinker.................................Alcoholic

Loves nights in by a warm fire with a glass of wine...............Lazy couch potato

Short-term Dating...................Wants a shag
Hi Cat,
Thats why when I once gave my wife the ?silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which she declared, “Hey, I can't understand why we are getting along pretty great lately!” laugh cheers
** ex wife
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Mollie! Great,. 5 out of 5. laugh

I could not have done better.thumbs up
Hi Luke,
laugh I wish I had a wife like that. A woman who is happy with no speech is a treasure to be guarded. there is a drawback of course. The lees we talk the more opportunity for them.laugh
"When we finally get to meet the women of our dreams we are often disappointed because the object in our dreams is not quite as she described herself in her profile"

It´s a possibility that does not apply to me. We are responsable of what we say but not of what others understand ...I learned that long time ago. Since it´s very important for me to be understood EXACTLY in what I need to comunicate I tried to improve my skills. Not sure If I did but I´m still working on it.

I believe in comunication as a result of respect for others. No comunication means no respect. Period.

First time I´ve got a job, my boss told me: "after 3 months we will tell you if we are satisfied with your performance" I replied: "sounds ok for me, that day I will also tell you if I´ve been satisfied working with you" We are friends since that day and it happened 25 years ago.

I´ve met so many people online, it works for me, met some potential partners, only once I had a bad experience but it wasn´t for no having made ourselves clear, shi* happens and the poor guy is mentally disturbed, I didn´t see that coming, my fault! (it was kind of info I should have known if I wanted to mess around the way I do).

You might read what a profiles says, the way it says, what does it´s a puzzle with a message. Better learn to read properly grin Profiles are written by people ....a reflection of ourselves, all of them wave
Hi Catfoot.
None of those is in my profile, unfortunately. grin

Have a good weekend. hug
I think it's hard to write your own profile, so I generally don't pay much attention to what people wrote in their profiles. It's best to keep it short. If anyone wants to get to know you better, they will write to you and find out more.
@Maya, write a profile is like write a resume, do you want to get a job? better be clear in your CV. I do no mean anyone has to write looooong stories in there but an honest declaration of intentions and interests would be highly appreciated thoughts. wave
Hi Cachuchi
It's a stronger possibility that it does not apply to anybody's profile. I cannot tell you for certain that these words appear in antbody's profile. I hardly ever look at the profiles. I had nothing better to and came up with this load of BS. But frankly I even when I do read a profile I don't commit any of it to memory as the contents are mostly nonsense.laugh
Hi Kalpa
I know you are an honest girl who won't write a lot of nonsense in your profile.

You have a nice day too.
Hi Maya
So say I too. I have omitted many things in my profile, simply because it is not other people's business. If and when I correspond with somebody I will reveal myself as needed. I'm not going to dump my life on the first day. for all I know the person on the other side is a scammer collecting info to scam me later.
I do love to read profiles, as much as I can grin

Eventually I only login for that lol! I read profiles, old blogs, old threads ....I´ve also checked old and deleted profiles from some active members....yeap! I do dunno

Each on their own Cat wave
I probably wouldn't even read your profile so laugh
i am a great believer in profiles, and feel they reflect the person wink
Hi Cachuchi
A resume can contain a lot of personal detail that we don't normally share with anybody. Luckily I changed jobs only once in my life and did not have to send my CV to a lot of instances, but I'd be very careful who I'd send my CV to. Like here, I'm just as careful what I put in my profile. there are a few deliberate inaccuracies in my profile to pick up where the info about me was obtained.

but yes, one should state one's intentions quite clearly in the profile.thumbs up
that's a good list cat no doubt .foreign holidays I suppose your going to pay there and a couple of times a year like dancing another one like at 63 you no fred Astaire althought given a few glasses we do our best but is not good enough must be a jiver so with few glasses and jiving going on is not a good mix ...these womens profile are just figments of disturbed frustrated ladies are hankering for a life they never had but us being idiots I suppose we believe all they say are all angels I suppose
Hi Cachuchi
People write in their profiles what the want and often paint a picture of what they want to be and not what they really are.

i rather read their blogs. Writing blogs and comments tell me much more about the person that a profile will ever let on. Unrestrained writing reveals your soul; It dissects you to the bone. A much better yardstick to measure character what comes out between the lines.

It is such a pity that not everybody writes blogs.
Cat, why don´t you think a person would write a blog the same way they have writen their profiles? confused
People write in their profiles what they want you to believe. This may be by design or purely unintentional. Many people don't know themselves and often see themselves in a complete different light to what others do. What comes out in the blogs, forums, polls and their comments reveals the true nature of the person especially when you read between the lines. And often what is not said can tell us even more about the person.
LifeThirst: "Top 10 sex facts from history"(meet us in the top 10 lists)

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