How To Read Female Profiles
When we finally get to meet the women of our dreams we are often disappointed because the object in our dreams is not quite as she described herself in her profile. Now don’t get me wrong; I not saying that women are liars, they just speak a different language than men and we often interpret their jargon incorrectly. Please note that I’m not blaming the women for this, the problem is with us.
Ok ladies, this is where you get off the bus; this is for men only. If you read on, it will be at your own risk because this may get vulgar. Don’t complain about it later.
And now that the ladies have left
us, I’ll try to give you guys a few guidelines on how to read female profiles. I cannot go through all of it but here are a few good examples of the phrases/words they use in their profiles to describe themselves and what they really mean. If the time permits we can look at what they expect in a partner at afterwards.
When they say – It actually translates to
Accommodating – I take in boarders
Athletic Body – I can lick you any day, so watch your step
Caring – I’m looking after my sickly mother who lives in
Decent – I only curse when it slips out.
Elegant – I usually overdress and overdo make-up
Enjoy good food – I expect to be treated on expensive meals
Flexible – I don’t really know what I want
Friendly – I’m a flirt
Good Humored – I like to hear new dirty jokes
Good Looking – I can see well without specs
Healthy Body – I’m HIV positive but on ARVs
Honest – I only lie when I have to
Like Traveling – I commute to work every day
Literate – I passed Grade 4
Love Animals – I hate men
Modest – I m not a good conversationalist
No Mental Issues – I just blame it all to PMS
Religious – You won’t have sex with me until you promise to marry me
Sensitive – I have a short temper
Serious – I cannot take a joke
Sociable – I play the field
Sophisticated – I drink cheap wine out of fancy glasses
Understanding – I speak several languages
Well Informed – I gossip all the time
Well Read – I have a lot of comic books
Witty – I know a lot of dirty jokes
Sorry guys, we’ll have to cut this short. I think our private meeting had been infiltrated because I can smell Malaysian cupcakes and Irish home baked scones.
Memorize these phrases and their true meanings and you will understand their profiles so much better. I hope it helps.
And as always, you don’t have to pay me for this most valuable advice. I render it as a free service in order to promote a better understanding between the genders.
Comments (82)
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Specially for you and you can share with GentleJim if you want but not with my Arty ok
Thank you.
Hmm, I suppose I can spare one for Jim but I have not seen much of him lately.
Don't worry, your Arty is safe. I'm not giving anymore away.
I'm glad that I could be of assistance in finding your dream woman. It is just a matter of knowing what to look for.
You have me in total suspense. I'm dying to know which two you can agree on.
Oh, good heavens, we're not perfect. Adorable yes, but not perfect at all. We cannot even understand your jargon. It took me all of fifty years to decipher this twenty-odd phases & words and I have not even scratched the surface.
And for your list, I agree with all ten points. But then as my grandfather told me a very long time ago, women were made to be loved, not to be understood.
I fear I don't understand your question. Could you elaborate please.
Thanks.
That was too deep for me so early in the morning. Yes a good question.
I'll take that as a compliment. They are so few and far between that I must accept whatever I can get.
You were not supposed to decode our code language nor publish it. Now how can we make unsuspecting men, to believe us and keep up with the procreation.
For reasons escaping me now I somehow suspect that you have spent an extended period in the USA or that you've been watching too many of their TV programs and movies.
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Thank you, it looks delicious and is much appreciated.
BUT
I'm annoyed by you and Mimi cutting my meeting with the guys short. You can be lucky that I'm just as corrupt as the rest of Africa otherwise I would not have accepted your bribes.
You should be lucky we are on here
If only to take notes to use against you at a later date
Thats why when I once gave my wife the ?silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which she declared, “Hey, I can't understand why we are getting along pretty great lately!”
Mollie! Great,. 5 out of 5.
I could not have done better.
None of those is in my profile, unfortunately.
Have a good weekend.
It's a stronger possibility that it does not apply to anybody's profile. I cannot tell you for certain that these words appear in antbody's profile. I hardly ever look at the profiles. I had nothing better to and came up with this load of BS. But frankly I even when I do read a profile I don't commit any of it to memory as the contents are mostly nonsense.
I know you are an honest girl who won't write a lot of nonsense in your profile.
You have a nice day too.
Eventually I only login for that lol! I read profiles, old blogs, old threads ....I´ve also checked old and deleted profiles from some active members....yeap! I do
Each on their own Cat
I probably wouldn't even read your profile so
i am a great believer in profiles, and feel they reflect the person
A resume can contain a lot of personal detail that we don't normally share with anybody. Luckily I changed jobs only once in my life and did not have to send my CV to a lot of instances, but I'd be very careful who I'd send my CV to. Like here, I'm just as careful what I put in my profile. there are a few deliberate inaccuracies in my profile to pick up where the info about me was obtained.
but yes, one should state one's intentions quite clearly in the profile.
People write in their profiles what the want and often paint a picture of what they want to be and not what they really are.
i rather read their blogs. Writing blogs and comments tell me much more about the person that a profile will ever let on. Unrestrained writing reveals your soul; It dissects you to the bone. A much better yardstick to measure character what comes out between the lines.
It is such a pity that not everybody writes blogs.
People write in their profiles what they want you to believe. This may be by design or purely unintentional. Many people don't know themselves and often see themselves in a complete different light to what others do. What comes out in the blogs, forums, polls and their comments reveals the true nature of the person especially when you read between the lines. And often what is not said can tell us even more about the person.
Interaction
I agree that it is the best for getting to know people. But for the ordinary members, the profile is all there is.
I suppose just as people do their best when writing a CV to put the best foot forward, they probably do the same in their profiles. After all they're trying to sell themselves to an interested party.
I enjoyed your BS blog lol! Thanks for that ....shall we talk about twitter now? HAHAHAHAHAHA noooo please, not today
You write your profile once and update ??? it at some occasions. You mostly pick options from drop boxes and you Do it according to a certain format and are required to write little mini resumes in more than so many words but not exceeding so many words. you work in a box .
When writing blogs there is no restraints and you write what you want to and that is where the crunch comes the things that you don't think is important.
With comments it is even worse because you are reacting to something and concentrating on that.
As I said most comes out between the lines and with what is not being said.
Yes it is a great pity that that the majority is silent. But then it does not really bother me as I only communicate with the people on the blogs. Those I have contact with off the blogs (PM and email) are all known via the blogs.
CHICKEN!!