Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
online today!
Funny children's names: If your family name is Dover...
Probably the strangest names for children came from musician Frank Zappa. His daughter was named Moon Unit and his son was named Dweezil. When Moon was asked if her unusual name caused her problems when growing up, her reply was "Not really." Of course not, her father was a very famous musician and grew up in Hollywood, California.
On a less-than famous scale, I wonder what parents are thinking when they name their children.
For example:
If you family name is Dover, don't name your son Benjamin. Somewhere along the road his nickname will be Ben and people will be calling him Ben Dover!
Last name Park, first name Jurassic
Last name Light, first name Bud
Last name Minyon, first name Filley
Last name Duck, first name Donald
Last name Binn, first name Looney
Enough... you get the idea!
On a less-than famous scale, I wonder what parents are thinking when they name their children.
For example:
If you family name is Dover, don't name your son Benjamin. Somewhere along the road his nickname will be Ben and people will be calling him Ben Dover!
Last name Park, first name Jurassic
Last name Light, first name Bud
Last name Minyon, first name Filley
Last name Duck, first name Donald
Last name Binn, first name Looney
Enough... you get the idea!
Dr. Fauci's smoothest move yet !
Yesterday in The New Yorker;
Hopefully, this non-essential employee will also lose his cell phone.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Fauci Urges Non-Essential Worker to Go Home
By Andy Borowitz
April 3, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci has urged a non-essential employee of the White House Coronavirus Task Force to go home immediately, Fauci confirmed on Friday.
Speaking to reporters, the esteemed virologist said that he made the decision to expel the worker for “the health and safety of others.”
“He said that he felt fine coming to work every day,” Fauci said. “I told him, ‘You may feel fine, but by coming into work you are endangering the lives of countless others.’ ”
Fauci said that his decision to send the non-essential worker home was based on the most recent scientific findings.
“What we’re learning is that breathing and talking can put lives in jeopardy, and this one worker did more breathing and talking than anyone else on the team,” he said.
The employee is expected to spend fourteen hours a day in isolation watching television, a two-hour increase from his normal routine.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Fauci Urges Non-Essential Worker to Go Home
By Andy Borowitz
April 3, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci has urged a non-essential employee of the White House Coronavirus Task Force to go home immediately, Fauci confirmed on Friday.
Speaking to reporters, the esteemed virologist said that he made the decision to expel the worker for “the health and safety of others.”
“He said that he felt fine coming to work every day,” Fauci said. “I told him, ‘You may feel fine, but by coming into work you are endangering the lives of countless others.’ ”
Fauci said that his decision to send the non-essential worker home was based on the most recent scientific findings.
“What we’re learning is that breathing and talking can put lives in jeopardy, and this one worker did more breathing and talking than anyone else on the team,” he said.
The employee is expected to spend fourteen hours a day in isolation watching television, a two-hour increase from his normal routine.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Hopefully, this non-essential employee will also lose his cell phone.
Grammar Lesson
Everyone can use a little "grammar" update now and then so here's yours for today... enjoy!
Is it "complete", "finished" or "completely finished"? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" or "Finished".
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.'
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!
Is it "complete", "finished" or "completely finished"? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" or "Finished".
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.'
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!
A conversation, that may have actually taken place. lol
Today in The New Yorker;
An appropriate balloon for such an occasion;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Fauci Gently Tells Trump Why He Can’t Hold Parade to Celebrate Great Job He Is Doing
By Andy Borowitz
March 28, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci spent several hours on Saturday gently explaining to Donald J. Trump why it would be “a bad idea” to hold a giant parade to celebrate the great job the President is doing to combat COVID-19, Dr. Fauci has confirmed.
Trump first raised the idea of a massive parade early Saturday morning, arguing that it would address the “biggest problem” created by the pandemic thus far: the lack of appreciation for his own efforts regarding it.
“A parade would put Jay Inslee and that woman in Michigan in their place,” Trump bitterly insisted.
As Trump began drawing up plans for a parade, a panicked Dr. Fauci interceded and tried to explain that such a celebration would be “much nicer” if held after the pandemic is over.
“Would I still be able to have tanks?” a crestfallen Trump asked.
“Yes, you could have tanks,” Fauci replied.
“What about balloons?” Trump asked.
“You can have all the balloons you want,” the virologist said. “I promise you.”
Speaking to reporters, Dr. Fauci said he believed that, after laboriously explaining the situation to Trump, “I think I got through to him,” adding, “I’ve gotta lie down now.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Fauci Gently Tells Trump Why He Can’t Hold Parade to Celebrate Great Job He Is Doing
By Andy Borowitz
March 28, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci spent several hours on Saturday gently explaining to Donald J. Trump why it would be “a bad idea” to hold a giant parade to celebrate the great job the President is doing to combat COVID-19, Dr. Fauci has confirmed.
Trump first raised the idea of a massive parade early Saturday morning, arguing that it would address the “biggest problem” created by the pandemic thus far: the lack of appreciation for his own efforts regarding it.
“A parade would put Jay Inslee and that woman in Michigan in their place,” Trump bitterly insisted.
As Trump began drawing up plans for a parade, a panicked Dr. Fauci interceded and tried to explain that such a celebration would be “much nicer” if held after the pandemic is over.
“Would I still be able to have tanks?” a crestfallen Trump asked.
“Yes, you could have tanks,” Fauci replied.
“What about balloons?” Trump asked.
“You can have all the balloons you want,” the virologist said. “I promise you.”
Speaking to reporters, Dr. Fauci said he believed that, after laboriously explaining the situation to Trump, “I think I got through to him,” adding, “I’ve gotta lie down now.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
An appropriate balloon for such an occasion;
A Frog
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(You're gonna love this.)
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)
Never take life too seriously (well, maybe coronavirus)
??.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ??
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(You're gonna love this.)
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)
Never take life too seriously (well, maybe coronavirus)
??.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ??
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
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