Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Here's the Middle finger.

Andrea Jenkyns, a Tory MP, made the rude gesture on Thursday when a crowd booed her as she entered Downing Street to watch UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson deliver his resignation speech.



The kids love her to bits.

Who the hell is GRAHAM?
Well Graham is the geezer who got home late one night and Helen his wife, says. "Where the hell have you been?"
Graham replies. "I was getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar note on my privates." He said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar note tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred dollars anytime you want."
Graham is now in The Critical Care Unit, Room 233. No visitors until further notice...............

Here are some great ways reverse the recession immediately:

1. Turn the GDP chart upside down: Wow, that was easy!
2. Change what the word "recession" means: Why yes, the economy is experiencing good vibes. Thank you for asking, Mr. Doocy.
3. Play the reverse card from your UNO hand that you've been holding onto: Oh no! The economy played its own reverse card!
4. Think long and hard, 'What would AOC do?': Probably something really brilliant and progressive!
5. Form a Congressional committee to research how to get out of recessions so they can publish their findings in 3 years: The buck stops eventually!
6. Invade Canada and take all their GDP for ourselves: They don't have any guns to defend themselves.
7. Ask Ukraine for our $80 billion back: They probably haven't spent it yet.
8. Order a second season of Jan 6 hearings: That'll distract everyone from their financial pains.
9. Ask Joey, a fifth grader: He'll know what to do!
10. Replace the entire government with Ron Paul: We can only dream.


This should reverse the recession in a jiffy! But if that doesn't work we can always try redefining "reverse."

If you put a worm in a glass of water it will swim around. If you put that same worm in a glass of whiskey it will die. Moral of the story, if you drink whiskey, you won't have worms.

A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem. I just can’t see myself working today.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
When it comes to work, change is inevitable, except from the vending machine.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defence attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After over a year of courtship, Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy and White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki have announced they are finally tying the knot.

"Um, on a personal note, I would like to announce that I will soon be stepping down to marry Peter Doocy," said Psaki at the end of a recent press conference. "I believe, and the President agrees, that this is the best course of action for me at this point in time."

Doocy then jumped up from his seat in the press pool and then did a fist pump before aggressively questioning the Press Secretary. "Excuse me," he said, "don't you think it's a little hypocritical to host a lavish wedding ceremony to me in D.C. when so many people are struggling? And don't you think it's a conflict of interest to marry someone in the press?"

"No further questions," said Psaki with a twinkle in her eye and a shy smile before exiting the stage.

"Ugh, finally," said CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins. "The crackling tension whenever those two were in the room together was overpowering. It makes it really hard for the rest of us to do our jobs when those two are bickering so adorably and making eyes at each other constantly. Get a room, you two! Also, Congratulations."

Doocy and Psaki will host a lavish wedding in the nation's capital, where all VIPs on the Left and the Right except for Lauren Boebert will be invited to attend.

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

When you have the urge to go out and look for a fight in a bar rather than staying at home with a confrontational machete wielding woman, choose going on a sea fishing boat trip.

This way only the fish is in danger.

That's how I stay out of trouble.



Have a great day.

JK