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NEW YORK, NY — District Attorney Alvin Bragg is reportedly set to indict Trump this coming Tuesday for the removal of a mattress tag back in 1997. According to sources, new evidence was discovered in the mattress tag cold case by grizzled Detective Harry Jakes, who utilized modern advances in forensic science to place former president Donald Trump at the scene of the crime.

"We got him dead to rights," said Bragg in an unnecessary press conference. "No one removes a mattress tag in my city and gets away with it!"

The mattress tag in question belonged to a Spring Air Conforma Foam mattress from '97, which historians claim featured a warning label advising mattress tags to not be removed:

Do Not Remove by Penalty of Law Except by the Consumer



In a surprise move, Trump has not denied the troubling accusation, though he maintains doing so was not illegal. "The tag says 'except by consumer.' I am a huge consumer. Probably the greatest consumer ever, and I had every right to remove that tag. The deep state is trying to dig up anything they can just to keep me from reclaiming the presidential throne."

"Witch hunt!"

Independent fact checkers have rated Trump's claim "a bald-faced lie," citing the fact that the president does not sit on a throne. Also, he is Trump and that is bad. The fact-check article does not make mention of the mattress tag issue directly, but does note, " broke both federal and international laws probably."

A United Nations committee has been assembled to investigate whether the matter qualifies as a war crime.

"This is an open and shut case. Now he'll never be president. I did it!" Bragg claimed before quickly correcting himself. "I mean, no one is above the law."

At publishing time, Trump's approval polling surged among mattress consumers who have long been befuddled by the mattress tag warning.

Hope no one pranks you too badly

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I said to the wife "well if I'm so bald, how do you explain that long dark curly hair?"

She replied "your a** don't count"

We don't need to get philosophical about it. It makes a sound. It does. Do you need to see webcam video as proof? It makes a sound and that's my final answer!

A very dear friend of mine consulted a fortune-teller or a clairvoyant yesterday as the uncertainty of the globe put her into a very nervous state.
Well she said the lady told her that the current state of affairs is similar as to when a passenger sitting in a window seat just behind the wing of an aircraft that is flying at 40,000 feet and sees how the wing falls off. Not 2 seconds later the hostess very calmly announces that all passengers should immediately put their head between their legs and kiss their a$$ goodbye.

Needless to say that a couple of men in white coats have taken my friend to what they called a 'nervous' institution where she is currently undergoing sleep therapy.

Hoping to see her fully recovered after ww3.

God willing.

Before anyone asks .
The moral of the story is to stay faar away from any 'fortune-teller'. They know too much.

A new analysis of samples collected from a Wuhan seafood market has suggested for the first time a concrete link between some of the wild animals being illegally sold there and the origins of the COVID-19 pandemic, The Atlantic reported on Thursday.

The evidence points to raccoon dogs as the likely culprit, according to the analysis, which found that the animals may have been carrying and shedding the virus near the end of 2019.

The research was conducted by an international team of virologists, genomicists, and evolutionary biologists, according to The Atlantic—and though it’s not 100 percent definitive proof, it’s “a really strong indication that animals at the market were infected,” said Angela Rasmussen, a virologist involved in the investigation.

“There’s really no other explanation that makes any sense.” The magazine’s report comes just days after an Economist/YouGov poll showed that nearly two-thirds of Americans favor the lab leak theory over natural occurrence.

I've no-one to pick my bad mood out on, with

Anyone in the mood for taking, stick

My wife said to me "look at our new neighbors. See the way he holds her, the way he kisses her. How come you don't do that?"

I said "because I don't know her well enough".