Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Mr Trump has touched down in Scotland to open another golf course. He says it is good to be home. i never saw a kilt nor a prison jacket
Nope i should not laugh as i have seen with my own eyes how even in my country politicians play foul. They must think the little people (thats us) cannot smell a sewer

Anyway then he goes on to Ireland good luck i say let him join ours for a short while. Sewers i mean

EL PASO, TX — Amid a mounting surge of illegal immigration, the Biden Administration is sending 1,500 National Guard troops to the border to help them register to vote.

"Yes, the people who tell me what to do all the time told me this is needed," said Biden to an ice cream cone. "And If I don't do what they tell me I don't get any snacks! No, that's no joke! Seriously, someone help me! Where am I?"

Election experts say the military operation will be instrumental in facilitating the continued invasion of the U.S. by Biden voters ahead of the 2024 election. "Biden really could use this boost from the millions and millions of people just wandering into the country," said DNC Chair Jaime Harrison. "These immigrant lives are totally wasted if we can't leverage their extreme numbers into a Democrat win."

Sources say troops are receiving cutting-edge training on detaining migrants, leading them to a voter registration table, and saying: "Firma este documento, por favor." Military sources say they hope to have 750,000 new Democrat voters by the end of the month.

At publishing time, the ones who refused to register had been placed in cages.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and
said, "You're kinda cute.
You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you're seventy-three...............who cares?
**************************************
I went to the drugstore and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
When you're seventy-three.............who cares?
**************************************

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you're seventy-three..............who cares?
**************************************

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you're seventy-three..............who cares?
**************************************

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you're seventy three...............who cares?
**************************************

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you're seventy-three..............who cares?
**************************************

The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts

NEW BRITAIN, PA — Local parents Tim and Julia Yoder were understandably upset when their 17-year-old daughter Carlie came home drunk last weekend. However, their anger quickly turned to relief upon learning that Carlie had not, in fact, been consuming Bud Light.

"I mean, we were certainly disappointed that she was drinking while underage," her father Tim noted. "But at the same time, we're glad that she was responsible enough to choose a less-woke brand of alcohol."

Carlie's mother Julia said they tried hard to raise their daughter right and instill her with strong values. "I'm not proud of this, but both Carlie's father and I experimented with Bud Light when we were younger," Julia said. "I'm very proud that we raised our daughter to make better life choices and avoid some of the mistakes we made in the past."

For her part, Carlie said the temptation to drink woke beer was definitely there. "Some of the kids had Bud Light at the party. Someone even brought some of those commemorative Dylan Mulvaney cans," she said. "But I knew deep down that was wrong, so I just pounded a 12-pack of Yuengling and called it a night."

At publishing time, the Yoders announced they would be surprising young Carlie with a new car as a gift for her responsible behavior. "We really couldn't be more proud of her," his mother said. "She's a really good kid."

I had a date last night, it was great, tomorrow I'll try a grape.

When you sit on a toilet in the city, your butt is connected to a network of other butts citywide

It appears that the men on the island that i live have certain category's
It goes as follows.

They are married
.so they only want sex.
They are engaged so they only want sex
They have girlfriends but want more sex.
If they are single which is very rare. They will be mummies boys and trust me do not cross mother she will shoot you.
And her demand will be son you must find a virgin coz if she has slept with other men be sure she will have a sex disease.......... Yep they are out there.
You then have ( and this is mainly the English) If you sleep with them on a first date you are a whore if you dont you are a lesbian. NICE....
And lastly you have the boys who dive straight in with you are to old for a relationship so can i just f*ck you

Oh the joys of being single...............
Think i gotta find me another Island.........

You got to watch out for the pieces of road in the potholes

New news about the 'Merchant of Death' arms dealer Viktor Bout who was recently traded with Russia for the release of Brittney Griner. It's reported he sent a telegram to Donald Trump asking him to flee to Russia to escape the charges in New York that his 'life is in peril'
In Russia, he could find safe haven and rebel against globalists.

Blog tagged comedy/humor as it's the funniest thing I've heard all week!

Just to think, Trump could board his private jet in New York with a flight path to Palm Beach, Florida and 'suddenly' make a left turn and head across Europe to Moscow!








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