Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

One of the good days it was today.... a day of light and happiness no shadow formed against me shall prosper... ....and if you say what to that then I say do they speak English is what mother clucker.....


Again a joke BLOG not aimed at anyone but my foolish self......

A parrot or a dog a parrot reports and shites on command......A dog stays with you for life accepts you 4 you and is as loyal as.....well if your a dog lover you'll know........

A man goes to bed one night and falls asleep. The next thing he knows, he is standing at the gates of heaven with St. Peter. He says "where am I?" St Peter replies "you died and you are at the gates of heaven. The man replied "omg no, I can't be dead, I got so much left to do. Can you please send me back to finish my life's work. St. Peter says "I can send you back but there is a catch, you must be sent back as a chicken. The man says "well, I'll find a way to get things done even as a chicken" so he agrees.

Next thing the man knows, he is in a farmers field as a chicken. The man thinks "well this isn't quite as bad as I thought it would be" so he mingles with the other chickens. After a while, he feels that strange feeling in his stomach, he asks the other chickens what was going on. They explained to him that he is ready to lay a egg so they tell him to just gently push and it will come out so the man pushes and sure enough, he lays an egg. The man feels another strange feeling so he pushes again to lay the second egg when all of a sudden he is slapped in the face by his wife who says "wake up you god damn old fool, your shitting in the bed!"

They abduct us at night probe us and implant microchips in our azzes how bizarre there leader is a red faced chucky doll called Donald trump.......

And they put Prozac in the water to distract our minds from the government's hidden agenda......


And yes the Kennedy's killed Marilyn Monroe...........


I DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHITE IT'S A JOKE BLOG SO RELAX PEOPLE OF EARTH AND BEAM ME UP SCOTTY.........

Heinz Looks for Man Who Survived a Month at Sea Eating Only Ketchup So They Can Buy Him a Boat

Spotting an opportunity to change someone’s life and nab some pretty stunning publicity in the process, Heinz is looking to get in contact with a Dominican sailor who survived four weeks adrift at sea with little more sustenance than a bottle of ketchup. The company wants to give the man a new boat with state-of-the-art navigation systems so as to avoid any future ordeals of this type.

Elvis Francois was out on his boat off the coast of St Maarten when the weather turned and started carrying him out into the open ocean. “I tried to back to port, but I lost track because it took me a while to mount the sail and fix the sail,” he said. “…I call my friends, my coworkers. They tried to contact me, but they lost service. There was nothing else I could do than sit down and wait.”

So Francois wrote ‘Help’ on the back of his boat and waited to see what happened with nothing more to eat other than a packet of garlic seasoning, a bottle of ketchup, and his lunch that day of Maggi soup. He was rescued by the Colombian navy, who brought him back to Cartagena for a medical examination that found he was “in good health.”

Heinz has put out a digital message in a bottle to try and contact Francois, to whom they would like to gift a new boat “equipped with full navigational technology to avoid another disaster in the future,” the company told CBS news. “We’re hoping to spread the word far and wide so Heinz can finally gift the new boat to Elvis,” the company said.

“We’re setting this message adrift into the sea of the internet, because if anyone can help us find him, it’s you,” the company said. “If you or anyone you know can help us get in contact with Elvis Francois, please drop us a DM.” So far they’ve contacted the government of Dominica where he lives, and the Colombian Navy, but currently have had no luck.

I'm thinking 'ketchup' man doesn't want any more lingering reminders of his ordeal at sea, so maybe he's hiding.

I worked with a guy who had lots of common sense but barely made it through high-school. It wasn't that he couldn't do the work, his mind was elsewhere. Friendly, strong personality, very likeable. He grew up in different parts of New York state and moved to South Florida more than 30 years ago. Anyone could hear his accent and know he hailed from 'Up North'

Forgetaboutit... may have been his favorite saying.
He did say things that I found funny and probably the best one I heard was when he pronounced moot point. It came out sounding like mute point. But, he may have thought it really was mute point.

I should have asked him.