leostartingover Forum Posts (1,685)

A few tips for parents

Good thanks Ali! The sun is shining, it's a beautiful spring day here and thank goodness the wind we had for a couple of days has gone. My younger son is coming back from his school camp later, and I can't WAIT to see him! So all is good in this neck of the woods! How about you?

A few tips for parents

It might be easier to just cut and paste Ali!!!

A few tips for parents

A year or two ago I went and did a workshop with a wonderful Irish psychologist called Dr Tony Humphreys, who has written many books and is somewhat of an expert on self esteem. I bought a few of his books and refer to them often in the workshops I do with children...

I recently came across some of the notes I made from the workshop, and thought I'd share a few with you:

TIPS FOR PARENTS

Kids only perform well when they feel good about themselves, so try to promote self-esteem.

Boo less and cheer more!

Praise should always be unconditional and specific – no BUTS!

Constant criticism simply increases negativity – it does NOT improve performance.

Never simply accept the positive as being the norm.

Don’t just jump in and judge your child’s behaviour. ALWAYS ASK. Dr. Tony Humphreys talks about the five Ws – WHY?… (are you doing that) WHAT?... (is upsetting you) WHEN?... (is this happening) WHO?... (is causing you to feel that way) WHERE?... (is this taking place). He believes that kids are masters at using behaviour to let us know when something is wrong in their lives. Find out the intention of the behaviour.

Be your kid’s champion! Trust in him and believe that he will be the best he can be. Love him unconditionally – for who he is and not for what he achieves!

Remember, success doesn’t make your child important – his mere presence does. An examination is simply a measure of your child’s knowledge of the questions asked – NOT a measure of his intelligence. He needs to know that HE IS NOT AN EXAM RESULT nor is he A SUCCESS RESULT. Success addiction is one of the most debilitating conditions and leads to men having heart attacks at far too young an age! Bill Gates said “The greatest impediment to people’s progress is success!” Michael J Fox said: “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can strive for but perfection is God’s business!”

Don’t confuse your self with what you DO – and the same goes for your children…. Don’t confuse the person with the behaviour.

Embrace failure – it is an opportunity for you to teach and for your child to learn. It is as much an opportunity as success.

Remember, just as it is with you in your career or in your relationships – lack of recognition is the single biggest cause of burnout, resulting in greatly reduced performance – the same goes for your child.

Blanchard & Carew stated “Don’t wait for people to do something really special before you praise them – go out and find something to praise them for.”

Remember, stress never improves performance. It does the opposite. Beware of putting excessive pressure on your child.

RE: Cupcakes For Breakfast, Countdown to Bedtime, Everything in Between!

So did you sort it out in the end? Seems service providers are just as bad wherever they are in the world!

RE: Dio's Secret Public Journal

Ditto! Was wondering where you'd gone....

RE: Changes

You make a good point! Sometimes people look to others to "complete" them and when that doesn't happen, because you can only complete yourself, then they get disappointed/disillusioned and the huge adrenalin rush that happens at the beginning of the relationship wears off. Real life kicks in, and if there isn't depth and communication and a willingness to compromise, it comes to an end.

RE: did you ever dream of a frog being a king?

Uh NO! But I did hear not long ago about a woman who after picking her kids up from school, drove her car up the driveway and stopped because a big frog was in the way. It would not budge, so she got out of the car and picked it up. On the spur of the moment, obviously for a joke, she kissed it lightly before putting it down. She ended up in ICU as the frog was extremely poisonous and injected some nasty venom into her lips!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

Ladies do NOT believe the fairytales. Frogs do NOT transform into handsome princes when kissed!

RE: Missing Puzzle Pieces

That's a lovely story Sassy! It gives the rest of us hope.... Happy days to both of you....

RE: Old-Fashioned Ideas...

These type of values will never be out of date DF. Sadly, they are not as common these days. It is why my boys go to a private school where they are taught respect and good manners. I think there are many things that have caused this downhill slide. Kids being brought up by their parents to feel a sense of entitlement is one reason. The days of autocratic parenting are pretty much over, but in the process of us becoming more democratic, many parents have lost the ability to say NO to our children. Without boundaries, children don't feel safe. I also think that spending TIME with our kids teaching them life lessons is incredibly valuable. Sadly, a lot of parents either don't have or the time because they're so busy trying to survive, OR they don't make the time. Then there's the whole: It takes a village to raise a child philosophy, which is also pretty rare these days.

RE: Happy B'day Bodeling

Hiya Bodeling.... hope you're having a wonderful birthday and many many more!!!!

RE: Did you know

Or referring to weight or wrinkly skin?!!! Not to give anyone ideas!

RE: Did you know

I certainly hope not!!! Not even as an insult!

RE: Did you know

pachyderm?

RE: tired of being a nice kinda guy...

I disagree.... Nice does not = boring. Nice = respectful and kind, and personally I think women who feel deserving, go after that variety. Just because you're nice does not mean you can't be occasionally naughty or funny... I salute you nice guys! We need more of you in this world.

RE: Anyone else having trouble with getting mailed?

Well I can't understand why not.... If I were uh 25 years younger, I'd be interested! You look cute and you're eloquent, ambitious, creative, artistic. Your profile is good. Have YOU been emailing/flowering people? Perhaps you need to be a bit more proactive? You could also look slightly further afield? I mean broaden your horizons to include the whole of the UK? Good luck!

RE: Do women love men who are hopeless romantic n romance them?

Being romanced is fabulous... I do think some people go a bit overboard though and it can be a bit too overwhelming! I'm not sure if everyone feels this way, but personally I think if you overdo the appreciation/romance, it might get taken for granted or we might doubt your sincerity...

RE: what is function of kiss?

It is one of the most intimate things you can do to express your love for someone!

Plus it is verrrrrrrrrrrrry yummy if done correctly and very arousing. It is said that when couples stop kissing it is often a sign of the demise of the relationship....

So keep kissing everyone!!!!!

RE: Which are you?

Yes, I think I'm a lot like you! Love being part of a couple, but also like the freedom to be me (while also allowing him the same). As Kahlil Gibran says in the prophet: Let there be space in your togetherness...

RE: WHAT ARE YOU

Ah ok! A modern day nomad.... how interesting!

RE: My Cats

Yes kittens ARE cute! Enjoy them.... Wow, we're 12 hours ahead of you! How about that....

RE: to tell or not to tell

Yes, I agree. I guess the other thing to bear in mind is what the law says. Not sure about there, but here I think that at 14 your daughter is allowed to choose who she lives with. You will need to tread carefully, but be sure to tell her the truth in a non-emotional with as little blaming as possible. I think suggesting that perhaps before she makes a permanent decision, she might like to try spending a few weekends with your ex or even a week or two before making up her mind, might be a good way to go? If you forbid it totally, it might make it more attractive to her? Not sure what personality she has, but teens can be quite rebellious in their bid for independence!!!! Good luck Scoutmaster. You're a great dad...

RE: If you found a wallet what would you do?

Yes, and there have been a couple of funny tv shows where they set up a $100 note which was a fake folded in half. I think it is different if it's cash or a cell phone (I know coz I lost mine at my son's school recently and it was NOT returned)... I would return the wallet coz can't help thinking how upset I would be if it was mine! What goes around comes around!

RE: My Cats

Whew! Just got on here, and read through your thread. So glad it has a happy ending!!! I am also crazy about animals.... Good luck with your kitties

RE: WHAT ARE YOU

marc62 how can it be 9pm in USA when it is just after 9pm here in South Africa? Where are you?

Been a sport watching day here! My elder son played soccer this morning and was unfortunately beaten 2-0. Our team was most upset as they had underestimated them, particularly because there were GIRLS and a midget in the other team! In a way I was kinda glad.... teaching moment!

Watched Guyana get beaten in the Airtel 20/20 cricket by our Highveld Lions (my boys went to watch at the Wanderers) and just finished watching the Mumbai Indians beat the Royal Challengers... Almost time to put the boys to bed and I usually fall asleep while reading them a story!

Hi to all!

RE: How to make the first move?

Wise advice!

RE: Do you smoke the dreaded green stuff?

I bet you do! I'll give it a miss though, thanks!

RE: Do you smoke the dreaded green stuff?

Aaaaaah. That is one of the things I miss about America. Eggnogg! Anyone got a recipe???

RE: How to make the first move?

Hmmmmm. I think you have to spray em with a hosepipe!!! Come on gals... Far too much fighting happening on these forums lately. Let's not add to it here.

RE: MAIL ORDER BRIDES

Probably only if it's blow up dolls you are referring to!!!!

RE: How to make the first move?

Yes I can sympathise! It can't be easy being expected to make the first approach. In my opinion, the best thing to do is to think of something you like about the woman you want to approach first, and then smile, make eye contact, walk up to her, and say to her: Forgive me for interrupting but..... then something sincere like.... "I couldn't help but notice your beautiful smile - it just lights up the room"... or "I just wanted to say that you are looking gorgeous tonight!"... something like that. If she is worth pursuing, she will smile back at you and graciously accept your compliment. You can then ask if you can buy her a drink, or just start chatting in an easy way... like... "excuse the cliche but do you come here often?" or "so are you girls enjoying your evening?" etc etc.

Well, that would work for me anyway.... if I felt a mutual attraction!