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GentlejimGentlejim Blog (705)

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Life Is A Gift

Life Is A Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word–
think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food–
think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife–
think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life–
think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children–
think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn’t clean or sweep–
think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive–
think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job–
think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another–
remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down–
put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.

Life is a gift – Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and Fulfill it.
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Blond Neighbor

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave wave wave wave
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Funny Nun

A nun was sitting at the airport waiting for her flight to
Chicago. She looked over & saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune.

Deciding to give it a try, she went to the machine, stepped
on the scale and put her nickel in. Out came a card saying, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 Lbs and you're going to Chicago".

The nun sat back down & told herself the machine probably
gives the same reading to Everyone. The more she thought about it, the more curious she was, so she decided to try it again.

She went back to the machine and put another nickel in. Out came a card, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago and you're going to play a fiddle.

The nun said to herself, I know this is wrong. I've never
played a musical instrument In my life. She went back to her seat. Then, a cowboy came and sat down, putting
his fiddle on the seat between them.

Without thinking, she opened the case, took out the fiddle and started playing. Surprised at what she'd done, she looked at the machine and decided to try again.

She went back and put in another nickel. The card said "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago & you're going to break wind."

Now, she knew the machine was wrong. She'd never broken wind in public in her life. But getting off the scale, she slipped and straining to keep from falling, she broke wind.

Stunned, she sat down and looked at the machine, thinking I have to try this again. She went back to the machine and dropped in another nickel.

Another Card came out. It read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you've fiddled & farted around & missed
your flight to Chicago.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave wave wave
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Blond jokes

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.

“$200? – he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?”

The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irritated when the blonde persisted.

Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!” – he yelled.

“Fine. I will.” – the blonde replied.

After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.

When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.

Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!”



There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.



A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

wave wave laugh laugh laugh laugh

PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ANY VULGAR COMMENTS OR DIRTY JOKES PLEASE!
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Blond Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave wave
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Beautiful Pictures of Ireland

A friend of mine sent this to me. It is beautiful and very nice!


As the piece starts, the pictures of Ireland are amazing, but wait until you get to the two spoken parts!

http://www.andiesisle.com/ThisBlessingIsForYou.html
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Face Powder

In the evening the wife sends her husband to buy some cigarettes. He went to the corner store, but it was closed? What should he do now? He notices a bar around the corner. He goes into the bar, buys cigarettes. He looks around and notices a young lady with a perfect body. What a beautiful body! Perfect curly hear! Wow..
A man orders beer and sits down at her table… Then he orders cognac for both of them… then beer again, and cognac again..
Suddenly he wakes up. 3 am. Where is he? Oooops, naked in the bed with the girl!
A man tells her:
- Do you have face powder?
Lady:
- I do.
- Give me some of it.
A man quickly rubs his hands with a face powder and runs back home. His wife opens the door and asks?
- Hey where have you been?
- You see, I went to a store – it was closed. Then I went into a bar nearby and found a pretty lady there. I drank beer, cognac, beer, then cognac again.. I woke up at 3 am in her bed!..
Wife tells him:
- Wait wait… show me your hands, you jerk!.. I see you’ve been bowling all night long again!...


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave wave
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Here are 50 ways to create happiness in your life

1. When you awaken in the morning, before you get out of bed, think about your day ahead and visualize positive outcomes and experiences.

2. Make your bed and be grateful for a comfortable place to sleep.

3. When you take your shower, take 2 minutes to simply enjoy the feeling of warm water running over your body.

4. Look at your spouse and/or children and tell them how important they are to you.

5. Buy a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line.

6. Write an old-fashioned hand-written note of gratitude to someone who positively impacted your life. Someone who hasn’t heard from you in a while.

7. Walk outside and absorb the sensations of nature. Take a moment to enjoy and appreciate the beauty around you.

8. Listen to music from a time in your life that was carefree and happy.

9. Go skinny dipping.

10. Dance around the house with your children (or whomever).

11. Look at pictures from happy occasions in your life.

12. Get up before sunrise and enjoy the quiet of your home.

13. Roll the windows down in your car and turn the music up.

14. Walk around your house and appreciate everything you own. You probably have more than most people on the planet.

15. Put flowers in your house or on your desk at work.

16. Find something nice to say to the people who serve you during the day.

17. Give an extra big tip.

18. Go out of your way to help a neighbor with something.

19. Read something inspirational.

20. Pick some useful items in your house that you don’t need anymore and give them away.

21. Invite a friend to lunch and learn even more about them and what makes them happy.

22. Do some small creative activity — write a poem, sketch something, plant some flowers, rearrange a room in your house, cook a unique meal.

23. Give a back rub.

24. Take a walk holding someone’s hand.

25. Clean a room in your house thoroughly until it sparkles.

26. Take the scenic route instead of the highway or main road.

27. Send an anonymous love letter.

28. Refrain from saying anything critical for a day. Make only uplifting and kind remarks to others.

29. When someone pushes your buttons or makes you angry, stop and observe your feelings and examine the cause within yourself instead of blaming.

30. Spontaneously invite friends to your house for a simple dinner.

31. Sit outside and stare at the stars.

32. Ride a bicycle.

33. Go out for ice cream.

34. Slow dance with someone you love. Even if you’ve been married to them for 25 years.

35. Lie in bed at night and listen to a thunderstorm.

36. Call your mom and dad and tell them how they were wonderful parents.

37. Help someone at the grocery store load the bags in their car.

38. Re-live some of your happiest moments in your mind before you go to sleep.

39. Count all of the people in your life who care for you.

40. Throw and catch a ball with someone.

41. Introduce yourself to someone new at a meeting or social event and strike up a personal conversation.

42. Pick only two important tasks to do today and do them mindfully.

43. Surprise your child at school or your spouse at the office and have lunch with them.

44. Make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and eat them warm with a glass of milk.

45. Take a walk in a quiet, natural environment.

46. Play a game of catching yourself any time you get on a negative thinking cycle. Consciously change the negative thought and re-frame it in a positive way.

47. Watch a really funny movie with a great friend.

48. Turn off the television and the computer for the day. Listen to music, read, sew, cook, go out. Do anything fun or peaceful or creative.

49. Say “I love you” frequently and with feeling.

50. Write down 25 things you like about yourself. Keep adding to the list.

wave wave wave

Have a wonderful day!teddybear teddybear teddybear
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Do you have eternal life?

Question: "Do you have eternal life?"

Answer: The Bible presents a clear path to eternal life. First, we must recognize that we have sinned against God: "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We have all done things that are displeasing to God, which makes us deserving of punishment. Since all our sins are ultimately against an eternal God, only an eternal punishment is sufficient. "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23).

However, Jesus Christ, the sinless (1 Peter 2:22), eternal Son of God became a man (John 1:1,14) and died to pay our penalty. "God demonstrates His love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). Jesus Christ died on the cross (John 19:31-42), taking the punishment that we deserve (2 Corinthians 5:21). Three days later He rose from the dead (1 Corinthians 15:1-4), proving His victory over sin and death. "In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead" (1 Peter 1:3).

By faith, we must change our mindset regarding Christ - who He is, what He did, and why - for salvation (Acts 3:19). If we place our faith in Him, trusting His death on the cross to pay for our sins, we will be forgiven and receive the promise of eternal life in heaven. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son so that anyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9). Faith alone in the finished work of Christ on the cross is the only true path to eternal life! "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).

If you want to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, here is a sample prayer. Remember, saying this prayer or any other prayer will not save you. It is only trusting in Christ that can save you from sin. This prayer is simply a way to express to God your faith in Him and thank Him for providing for your salvation. "God, I know that I have sinned against you and deserve punishment. But Jesus Christ took the punishment that I deserve so that through faith in Him I could be forgiven. I place my trust in You for salvation. Thank You for Your wonderful grace and forgiveness - the gift of eternal life! Amen!"

If you prayed this prayer believing and trusting in Christ, then you are saved!
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Jokes That Can Be Told In Church

********JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH*********
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother,
'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color
of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Three boys are in the school yard bragging about
their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,
they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to
collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own
mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem ..
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy
father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill..'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him
how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill,
and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little
Johnny responded,
'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have
a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~


You don't stop laughing because you grow old..
You grow old because you stop laughing!
Take heed and pass these along to people who
need a laugh.
I thought you would enjoy this...times are tough
right now...for all of us...
so we need something to make the day a happy
place.
"They" haven't found a way to tax you for
laughing yet.

rolling on the floor laughing
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Sayings

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband!

If a man says something in the middle of the forest and there is no woman around to hear him....is he still wrong?dunno

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement1laugh

Be kind to your mother-in-law, and if necessary pay for her board at some good hotel.wave
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Angry Wife

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave wave
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