I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. ? ?
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito . I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don' t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical ? activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get ? ? !
I may have been in Continent, but I don' t remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART!
You can do your bit by remembering to send this to at least one
unstable person. My job is done! Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely,
love truly
and forgive quickly!
From one unstable person to another. I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty well in mine!
1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
2. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
3. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
4. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
5. I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.
6. I used to be a banker but I lost interest
7. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
8. My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
9. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
10. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole.
At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"
They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz.
Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired.
What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
Did you hear about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.
Why do ambassadors never get sick? Diplomatic immunity.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive"
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Pasteurize: Too far to see.
What do you call a cow who gives no milk? A milk dud (or an udder failure).
Without geometry, life is pointless
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
If you like to dance or appreciate some great dancing, check out this video!
If you sleep on it...make it up.
If you wear it...hang it up.
If you drop it...pick it up.
If you eat out of it...wash it.
If you spill it...wipe it up.
If you turn it on...turn it off.
If you open it...close it.
If you move it...put it back.
If you break it...repair it.
If you empty it...fill it up.
If it rings...answer it.
If it howls...feed it.
If it cries...love it.
Everyone on CS, have a very Happy and Prosperous New Year! My wish for you is, that your life will be filled with Love, Peace, Joy, Happiness, Health and Prosperity! God bless all of you!
A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office . “Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”
Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket. “Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!” “Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed. “Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Brian. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m afraid my hearing is starting to go now!
I was very scared about going to the eye doctor to get a certain procedure done on my eyes. The doctor tried to put me at ease but to no avail. It was after he finished with my first eye that I nearly jumped out of the chair. “There there”, he said “only one eye left!”
My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering you the most?” Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!”
Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave. “By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam replied.
“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?” “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
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