Life Makes A Complete Circle
The other day, when I had lunch with my father, I touched on a taboo subject. His latest girlfriend! My sister and I had a long chat about this beforehand and in the end it fell on me to speak to him. It is not always easy to be the eldest.
I told him she is up to no-good and the he should let her go. He looked at me with a somewhat amused expression and said: “Life makes a complete circle”. Then he took a small a sip of his wine and asked how many times I obeyed him when he told me to get rid of a girlfriend. He dismissed me by giving the answer himself. Not once!
However, he did assure me (without any further prompting) that she is nothing serious and that if he should be so foolish to marry at his age, he’d marry his previous girlfriend who now lives in Gauteng. The short conversation did not spoil the day and we continued to enjoy our meal. For a change he even allowed me to pay the bill.
I don’t mind him having a lady friend. My mother died 16 years ago and he did not bother with women until about seven or eight years ago. Since then he had three lady friends. The first two resembled my late mother, both in looks and in mannerism. The first girlfriend died and the second relocated to another province to be with her children. They still have contact.
Both these ladies wanted to marry my father and have approached me several times, asking me to work on my dad regarding this matter. Of course I politely refused. Not that I would have minded if my dad married one of them. They were good women and they cared about him, but I was not going to be the matchmaker.
His latest girlfriend is a horse of another color. She is five years my junior and almost 30 years younger than my father. We think that she wants to scam him. This woman is pretty, sexy and streetwise. And her eyes are way too busy. My sister noticed it as well. I try to avoid her as far as I can without being rude. I’m scared that my father may think that I’m the one making eyes at her.
Now, I don’t think my father is stupid, but he’s been exposed to very few women. My mother was his first girlfriend and the women I mentioned here, represent the total sum of his experience with women.
If she makes him happy, I don’t have a problem but I’m not going to see him scammed out of his money to leave him short in his old age. She’s not looking at carving a future with him. My father is 88. How much longer can he live? And why else would a good-looking, intelligent woman be interested in an old man almost 30 years her senior?
Am I paranoid or am I right to be concerned?
Hang in there. Tomorrow is Friday.
Comments (54)
Of course, I'm nowhere intelligent like your father's lady friend...
As long as a person is still in good health, everything is possible
Well, within the constraints of his age.
you are jealous,
Actually, he's going downhill. He's active enough and still prefer to walk 700 meters to the supermarket iso driving there, but every time I see him, he stoops a little more. He is really getting old now.
When we feel something in our gut, it usually is right on the money. There is a reason you feel the way you do, and you are possibly right that she told your Dad she is a little older to make it more acceptable to him.
A 59 year old wanting to marry someone almost 90? Do they have some amazing electrical mind/soul connection
Sad.
(Isn't tomorrow Thursday?)
My dad lives a comfortable life but I not sure I'm not sure how much is left. He's been retired for a long time. But she may believe that there is enough to make it worth the while. Although he does not flash his money around, he does have that aura around him that he could be well-off. He dresses well and always have a new car (nothing flashy).
That is what my sister thinks as well, At least my chat with him and his reaction to it, put our minds somewhat at rest.
You might look at her past relationships, if possible. There is usually clues in a person's background that reveal their propensities (somehow surviving well economically but no real job, for example).
You said her eyes were "busy". I don't know if you heard it, but there was an old song that said, "The truth is in the eyes, and the eyes don't lie - amen."
Good idea. Maybe one can start with a credit check on her. My sister should be able to get it done at her work.
It does sound odd. But even if he hasn't a lot of "experience" with girlfriends himself, he has seen a lot going on around him - your, his siblings and nephews girlfriends. Even other relationships will give someone insights.
Even if you can tell your dad she lied about her age, it might make him more cautious. Do you know someone that knows her? Sometimes even googling a name can bring up (way too much) information.
Even if the other person doesn't like it, you do look out for your family members.
Unlao...
Soooo...you're saying the alternative is preferable?
At least my father was not annoyed with me when I spoke about her. I think maybe he just felt that he is capable enough. The big problem is that we know nothing about her. We don't even know if she has family around.
What worries me most is that she never has the time to do anything for him. While I was away he asked her to drive him home after he had minor surgery to his hand. She was too busy and my sister had to had to take leave from her work to do it.
I planned to be away next week but I cannot because he is having his cataracts removed and need somebody to drive him home. She cannot because she is too busy, yet she does not work. What is it that keeps her so busy?
*!I wonder if they do it. Actually, I wonder if he is still capable.!*
I bet they do.....
Evey one should have that one that is so bad that it is good....It just taken him a long time to get one....
You could try what I did when I did not like my kids girl/boy friends...pretend I LOVED them.. such a turn off
Amen! It's easy to speak until it is your parent that is in the mill.
Sorry, I could not help wondering. He is so old-fashioned about things like that. I still remember the day when he tried to explain the facts of life to me. He was red as a beetroot and stuttered all the way. And by then I have already picked it up at the school grounds!
About like that!
We'd all love to be able to guide our loved ones to what our perception of their happiness may be and of course we dread the day when our fears for them come to pass.
But maybe that won't happen and anyway, you and your sister will be there for that father that you obviously love and care for so much
why are you so worried about your father if he is happy with his girlfriend?
I think, this is destiny of life. And noone can really change this sort of destiny. It it's his choice, and very unlikely he will change this.
So, take a deep breath, my friend, and just enjoy the scene how it's going!
It is as you say, but just as well my two younger brothers are no more. They had less tact and and would have stormed in head first.
Who said he's happy with her? He did not imply that and from what I can observe, he is alone often when they should be together. And, by his own admission, he'd marry somebody else, should he decide to take that step.
Maybe, maybe not.
But I'm not really jealous of him and have no aspirations regarding her. I'm only concerned about my father.
If he can net a young lassie, it is his good luck, but then she must bring her side as well. I don't care what my dad's girlfriend looks like, as long as she cares about him.
Would you not have been be worried if your father was at risk of being done out of his hard earned money? No matter how small the amount is, he worked for it.
I may have felt the same if it was somebody else, but this involves MY father. The closer to home something happens, the more serious it becomes.
Yea, I miss Simmo too. He was a great friend. We got up to a lot of mischief and he normally carried the brunt of the punishment.
The chances are that I'm over-reacting, but there are wheels and cogs slowly coming into motion to learn who she really is. Unfortunately our hands are tied until next week.
I can promise you that if she is not what she proclaims to be, she'll be out on her ear, whether my father likes it or not.