Vacant Position: Idiot Required

Sometimes I forget that I’m an Idiot and from time to time I need the services of another Idiot to remind me that I’m an Idiot.help

One such Idiot did put his hand up for the job but he was too big an Idiot thus overqualified for the job and methinks he rates his own idiotic advice way too high. Actually, I think he’s just over-inflated and believes that he’s the only Idiot in town. And then the same bloody Idiot sent his application to the wrong place by dropping it off on another blog. He should have brought it straight to me.doh

Anybody wishing to apply for this position may drop his/her résumé or business card (with the word ‘Idiot’ clearly written on it) at any of my existing or future blogs for swift processing. I cannot guarantee my regular appearance at any of the other blogs and dropping it off there may disqualify the applicant. I don’t pay peanuts and therefore monkeys should stay out of this. Only professional Idiots need to apply and no apprentices will be interviewed. uh oh

This is not a job for sissies; it entails long hours of vigilant watching and the reading of miles of boring blogs and comments to find something to pound on. mumbling

The successful applicant will be handsomely rewarded with diarrhoea-rich verbal abuse whenever he (or she) does the job properly by calling me an Idiot. Sorry, no basic salary; strictly commission only. No work, no pay.snooty

This is a position of equal opportunity and any suitably qualified Idiot will be considered irrespective of race, religion, skin color, ethnicity, or gender. No hawkers, lawyers, female doctors or artificial inseminators please.grin

As it is not certain how many Idiots are around or how many may be interested in this post, I must request applicants not to mill around but to form a neat line to await their turn so not to block the way for my regular visitors.tongue

Ah, no need to tell me now; I can still remember what I am.idea
cats meow cats meow

Now go out there and have a glorious daywave

Comments (45)

Catfoot
Ah well, we had one Idiot applying for the job by spreading his résumé around like flyers. I don't know why he could not just wait his turn in the line.
The village called, they want their idiot back...
Catfoot
The Catfoot webbot detected the word Idiot in your comment. Thank you for inquiring. Please note that your comment is being recorded.

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This proposition is worth thinking about, me thinks...dunno confused
You left out option 18a,.. make love to a frozen chicken whilst singing the national anthem.
Catfoot
Hi Lukie,
Definitely. It guarantees free and unrestricted access to my blog providing you don't use the word 'Idiot'. Those are dealt with by my revolutionary new Webbot. laugh
cheers
Catfoot
Pat,
That is handled under option 7. For More Information.

Note that the options change from to comment to short cicuit other Webbots. We can't have that here in CS. I don't trust those Capcha codes.
cheers
Catfoot
Oh yes, we only deal with frozen sheep. Only perverts bother with frozen poultry.professor
Annleerose
The individual who said the titanic was unsinkable should apply .
Sheesh, if I knew that I'd have semi defrosted a bag of chops or picked a seductive watermelon. Now I've got a half a thawed chook and half a mongrel, thanks a bunch.
Catfoot
Hi LeeAnn
There wer\e at least two other better contenders

During the fifties one very respected medical doctor said that smoking is absolutely harmless.

And during the sixties some highly appraised computer boffin said he can see no reason why anybody would want a computer in his home.

I forgot their names (and rightly so) because they should not be quoted but I suppose if one looks hard enough it can be obtained.
hug
Catfoot
Hey Pat,
I'm so sorry to hear about your shit but if it is any consolation to you, I still have one of Mimi's cupcakes that I can share with you. A bit stale by now but edible.cake

Though you cannot expect me to have much sympathy when you deviate from country traditions. this is what I have against American TV and movies. It takes our culture away.laugh
cheers
Catfoot
Ah Annlee
I found one of them.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home
Ken Olson, founder, chairman & president of DEC, 1977

So it happened in the late seventies, even worse.wow
laugh rolling on the floor laughing
Hi Catfoot, You might need to put up a Red Caption on this blog laugh Just looking out for you grin
Catfoot
Hi Wen,
No, not this time. I really need this vacancy filled as soon as possible. I should rather mark this block with a red 'Urgent' sticker.laugh
cheers
Can imbeciles apply? hmmm


I know at least 2 on here cool
Catfoot
Hi Molly
I'd prefer an Idiot but if the post is not filled very quickly I will have to consider imbeciles as well.laugh
hug
Cat,

there may be some qualified applicants from episodes of the TV show, "Cops." You know, the ones the Cops find drugs in their socks, and they then tell the Cops, "It's not mine. I don't know where it came from. Oh yeah, a longtime friend of mine put it there, for me to hold it for them. I didn't know what it was.... Huh? No, I don't know the friend's name, I just met them earlier tonight. Gave them a ride to some place." confused
'In California, idiots are one of six types of people who are not capable of committing any form of crime.'

laugh

I don't have time to scroll through all the blogs to find the one you were referring to. But I always take it as a compliment if somebody I have no respect for, calls me a name like that. It shows I am doing something right cool
Catfoot
hi Rob
I actually have this job reserved for a very specific Idiot.. Unfortunately that is illegal around here. jobs may not be reserved; it has to be advertised. So I'm doing it for the eye-blind still hoping to slip my candidate in.grin
cheers
Catfoot
The Catwebbot detected the word Idiot in your comment. Thank you for enquiring. Please note that your comment is being recorded.

Select from the menu how you wish to proceed.

0. To Cancel Your Inquiry
1. To Return To The Previous Menu
2. To Apply For A Permanent Position
3. To Apply For A Temporary Position
4. For More Information
8. To Speak To One Of Our Recruitment Officers
9. Speak To Catfoot Personally

9
Digit ‘9’ Detected. You are being transferred to Catfoot.

hi Molly,
That is why I want to employ him permanently. I need to be reminded from time to time or I may permanently walk around thinking I'm a moron.doh
hug
Ah, but do idiots know they are idiots? professor

it is like man people thinking they are the only sane ones
Mad even roll eyes
Catfoot
Hi Molly,
I had to disable my Catwebbot. You trigger it all the time with the word 'Idiot'.laugh

I suppose they can sometimes forget about being Idiots; I do all the time.

And what do you mean by thinking that we are sane. We KNOW that we are sane.laugh
hug
lolrolling on the floor laughing hug

I'm an idiot and overqualified to call you one Cat.
Catfoot
Hi Lindsy,
You and I commented on that blog at about the same time. I think you are the first one here today to know who I'm talking aboutrolling on the floor laughing

No Lindsy, you can't have the job. You're not into name calling and therefore you will not be dong a proper job
hug
Catfoot
Sorry * dong should read doing.doh
Catfoot, as I was talking to my lawyer today I showed him your blog, and he told me to tell you be careful you are walking a thin line. you did not go through a legal employment service. After I talked to him a while then he asked me where he could get a application.

I told you he works cheap a couple of chickens and some fruit laugh
Catfoot
hi Wen,
You're putting me in a predicament. I'm first generation city raised and my family who are still farming are in cattle, game and/or vegetables. No poultry or fruit.

But there is another technical snag. Although the incident giving rise to this took place on American soil the involved parties are foreign nationals and no longer in your country. I'm not sure if your lawyer may operate here.

Thirdly, I don't want to mess with lawyers on this one. I have been humiliated and my whole being is shouting for revenge. I want to employ him so I can fire him while still on probation.

cheers
Catfoot, rolling on the floor laughing I understand cheers
Catfoot
Wen,
They say revenge is bitter-sweet but I have developed a taste for it.laugh
cheers
Elegsabiff
Dear sir

I wish to apply as your Idiot

I am widely experienced and could also offer the added inducement of being your praise singer.

This is an advantage to both of us. It would cheer you up, when I have been too successful in my idiot duties. And it would be cheer me up as praise-singing is very highly paid.

I strongly urge you to consider my application with bigly favouritism.

I present examples for your consideration -

Cat, you are an idiot

Sir! You are well known as the most erudite and downright hilarious blogger in the history of CS! cheering
























The sample was of course free. cool
Catfoot
Hi Biff
Thank you for taking the trouble to apply for this position.

Unfortunately, due to the impending economic ice age, its been decided to freeze all new appointments. However, I will forward your application to our State President whose term only expires at the end of the year.
(Read as: I cannot afford your services.)

I will be a selfish Idiot not to inform you that you will be wasting your other talents in my employment.
(Read as: You are overqualified.)

All I need is basic idiotic advice. Your highly developed skill in praise singing is really unneeded and will go wasted.
(Read as: I don't need to be told what I already know.).

I thank you for first of the two free samples. I have already forgotten that I'm an Idiot. There are so few things for free in this crazy world that we live in. As for the second example; that was unneeded. I already knew that.

But I'm sure you will be happy in the service of President Zupta even after his inevitable retirement.
cats meow cats meow
I still don't know which blog you are referring to mumbling


What is the difference between a troll and a blogger anyway? writing

Can they not be one and the same?
Catfoot
Ah molly,
Don't worry, this is something between him and me. The blog ended up on top again because I wanted to add something in my message to him.

A troll?
To me it is a nasty blogger that leaves nasty comments all over.

And this guy is not normally like that. It would seem that I put a bee in his bonnet. though I cannot recall doing something like that. And it is sporadic, not all the time. Unless if I have been missing things because I don't read every single blog. but others would have told me if this was regular.

I'm going to block this one for comments now so it can slowly fade away.
hug
Catfoot
Well, I did not really expect my preferred applicant to come to the party. These people who sling mud from a third person's blog all have that trait in common.

So, when you read this - I know you will - you have the job. Just don't drop your guts on another blog. Bring it here to me.

And just for the record; I checked the rules and could find no restrictions on posting a somewhat similar blog to what is already there. In fact, it happens all the time and I saw one just yesterday again but did not hear you calling the blogger an Idiot. So I must assume that my blog had nothing to do with it.

If you don’t like me (your prerogative), just ignore me as I have been ignoring you. Your hostility against me on other people’s blogs is pulling on my tits and then I’m going to work on your tits. I know that I’m not as proficient as you in mudslinging but I’m very effective in irritating people; it comes naturally to me. So leave me alone and I will leave you alone.

You are not a troll but rather a respected blogger of long standing here and this is not the sort of behavior one would expect of you. If you have a problem with me, bring it to me and we can sort it out. Name calling is not going to solve anything.
cats meow cats meow
I guess if everybody who has ever had an uncharacteristic outburst were banned from here, there would be very few bloggers left.

Sometimes the person may be in a bad mood anyway, and it just takes one small trigger to set them off.

Then there are the ones that you never know what mood they are going to come on with, they are so up and down uh oh
Catfoot
hi molly
Hell, you got in before I could block it.laugh

Yep, but that is not to say that i have to put up with it. This was the first time it got to name calling. The previous time (a while ago) it was just a snotty remark after I posted a comment. And I don't want to embarrass him by openly identifying him and I don't want to fight with him. I just want it to end.
hug
Catfoot
Molly,
I tried to send you a PM but you have me blocked on every count. So thoroughly that it looks as if you had me in mind when you did your blocked settings Your only requirement that I satisfy is being a male.
laugh rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Cat,

We all do stupid things in life, even the most brilliant minds. But professor do idiots know they are idiots?

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