Vacant Position: Idiot Required
Sometimes I forget that I’m an Idiot and from time to time I need the services of another Idiot to remind me that I’m an Idiot.
One such Idiot did put his hand up for the job but he was too big an Idiot thus overqualified for the job and methinks he rates his own idiotic advice way too high. Actually, I think he’s just over-inflated and believes that he’s the only Idiot in town. And then the same bloody Idiot sent his application to the wrong place by dropping it off on another blog. He should have brought it straight to me.
Anybody wishing to apply for this position may drop his/her résumé or business card (with the word ‘Idiot’ clearly written on it) at any of my existing or future blogs for swift processing. I cannot guarantee my regular appearance at any of the other blogs and dropping it off there may disqualify the applicant. I don’t pay peanuts and therefore monkeys should stay out of this. Only professional Idiots need to apply and no apprentices will be interviewed.
This is not a job for sissies; it entails long hours of vigilant watching and the reading of miles of boring blogs and comments to find something to pound on.
The successful applicant will be handsomely rewarded with diarrhoea-rich verbal abuse whenever he (or she) does the job properly by calling me an Idiot. Sorry, no basic salary; strictly commission only. No work, no pay.
This is a position of equal opportunity and any suitably qualified Idiot will be considered irrespective of race, religion, skin color, ethnicity, or gender. No hawkers, lawyers, female doctors or artificial inseminators please.
As it is not certain how many Idiots are around or how many may be interested in this post, I must request applicants not to mill around but to form a neat line to await their turn so not to block the way for my regular visitors.
Ah, no need to tell me now; I can still remember what I am.
Now go out there and have a glorious day
Comments (38)
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Definitely. It guarantees free and unrestricted access to my blog providing you don't use the word 'Idiot'. Those are dealt with by my revolutionary new Webbot.
That is handled under option 7. For More Information.
Note that the options change from to comment to short cicuit other Webbots. We can't have that here in CS. I don't trust those Capcha codes.
I found one of them.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home
Ken Olson, founder, chairman & president of DEC, 1977
So it happened in the late seventies, even worse.
No, not this time. I really need this vacancy filled as soon as possible. I should rather mark this block with a red 'Urgent' sticker.
I know at least 2 on here
I'd prefer an Idiot but if the post is not filled very quickly I will have to consider imbeciles as well.
there may be some qualified applicants from episodes of the TV show, "Cops." You know, the ones the Cops find drugs in their socks, and they then tell the Cops, "It's not mine. I don't know where it came from. Oh yeah, a longtime friend of mine put it there, for me to hold it for them. I didn't know what it was.... Huh? No, I don't know the friend's name, I just met them earlier tonight. Gave them a ride to some place."
I don't have time to scroll through all the blogs to find the one you were referring to. But I always take it as a compliment if somebody I have no respect for, calls me a name like that. It shows I am doing something right
I actually have this job reserved for a very specific Idiot.. Unfortunately that is illegal around here. jobs may not be reserved; it has to be advertised. So I'm doing it for the eye-blind still hoping to slip my candidate in.
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hi Molly,
That is why I want to employ him permanently. I need to be reminded from time to time or I may permanently walk around thinking I'm a moron.
it is like man people thinking they are the only sane ones
I had to disable my Catwebbot. You trigger it all the time with the word 'Idiot'.
I suppose they can sometimes forget about being Idiots; I do all the time.
And what do you mean by thinking that we are sane. We KNOW that we are sane.
I'm an idiot and overqualified to call you one Cat.
I told you he works cheap a couple of chickens and some fruit
You're putting me in a predicament. I'm first generation city raised and my family who are still farming are in cattle, game and/or vegetables. No poultry or fruit.
But there is another technical snag. Although the incident giving rise to this took place on American soil the involved parties are foreign nationals and no longer in your country. I'm not sure if your lawyer may operate here.
Thirdly, I don't want to mess with lawyers on this one. I have been humiliated and my whole being is shouting for revenge. I want to employ him so I can fire him while still on probation.
They say revenge is bitter-sweet but I have developed a taste for it.
I wish to apply as your Idiot
I am widely experienced and could also offer the added inducement of being your praise singer.
This is an advantage to both of us. It would cheer you up, when I have been too successful in my idiot duties. And it would be cheer me up as praise-singing is very highly paid.
I strongly urge you to consider my application with bigly favouritism.
I present examples for your consideration -
Cat, you are an idiot
Sir! You are well known as the most erudite and downright hilarious blogger in the history of CS!
The sample was of course free.
Thank you for taking the trouble to apply for this position.
Unfortunately, due to the impending economic ice age, its been decided to freeze all new appointments. However, I will forward your application to our State President whose term only expires at the end of the year.
(Read as: I cannot afford your services.)
I will be a selfish Idiot not to inform you that you will be wasting your other talents in my employment.
(Read as: You are overqualified.)
All I need is basic idiotic advice. Your highly developed skill in praise singing is really unneeded and will go wasted.
(Read as: I don't need to be told what I already know.).
I thank you for first of the two free samples. I have already forgotten that I'm an Idiot. There are so few things for free in this crazy world that we live in. As for the second example; that was unneeded. I already knew that.
But I'm sure you will be happy in the service of President Zupta even after his inevitable retirement.
What is the difference between a troll and a blogger anyway?
Can they not be one and the same?
Sometimes the person may be in a bad mood anyway, and it just takes one small trigger to set them off.
Then there are the ones that you never know what mood they are going to come on with, they are so up and down
Hell, you got in before I could block it.
Yep, but that is not to say that i have to put up with it. This was the first time it got to name calling. The previous time (a while ago) it was just a snotty remark after I posted a comment. And I don't want to embarrass him by openly identifying him and I don't want to fight with him. I just want it to end.
I tried to send you a PM but you have me blocked on every count. So thoroughly that it looks as if you had me in mind when you did your blocked settings Your only requirement that I satisfy is being a male.
We all do stupid things in life, even the most brilliant minds. But
I'm not sure. There was not much interest for the job so I don't know the reason for that. those who did put their hands up were over qualified.
It could be that
1. they don't know that they are Idiots.
2. they are forgetful and need to be reminded (as in my case).
3. They know but are in denial.
4. I'm the only Idiot in this place.
I've been trying for a few days to figure this out but have reached no conclusion. At least I will be unique if it turns out to be #4.
If you can cast some light on the enigma it will be appreciated. Be careful, only Idiots will agree to #4. It was included to provoke Idiots to reveal themselves.
The one I have has already gotten all my weekdays and my weekends sometimes.
So, thanks but no thanks.
That is such a pity. You should reconsider. The pay is not so good but the fringe benefits are excellent.
Gosh! I did not see you for ages. I thought you had married and left us for good.
Mind you, such a maneuver would have qualified you for the job.
I fear that stupid idgits don't qualify. I think I made it very clear that we don't take apprentices but the job to advise our own president is still available if you're interested.