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Last night, I had a few webpages opened on my browser that I wanted to research in the morning. I put the computer to sleep instead of shutting down like usual. The wake sequence didn't work and I was forced to completely reboot and wait for Windows to do some recovery diagnostics.
The good thing is, I was able to recover the browser pages. After, I cleared the cache file and cookies and restart the browser. Coming to Connecting Singles and checking the new member list (before logging in) showed all new members and not only women as my normal default.

Each page shows 48 new members and there weren't many women joining.
45 men, 3 women on the first page.
44 men, 4 women on the second page.
44 men, 4 women on the third page.

It was night time in North America and I expected to see Europeans joining... that wasn't the case. Guys from Algeria, Egypt, Tunisia, Morocco, United Arab Emirates, Iraq, Kuwait were the majority of new members.

I only checked the first 3 pages, but if this statistic for the most recent 500 to 600 members is the trend, something isn't right.

1 woman for every 12 men are joining.

It wasn't long ago I blogged 'they don't return' in that, scanning the list of new women joining CS drops off sharply after the 2nd page. They come, they look around, they disappear.

Can you formulate what is happening long-term... ?

My thought is:
Unless CS can advertise in places that will bring men and a lot more women from Europe, North America, South America, Australia and Asia, their chances of survival aren't real good.

Ever since I was 16, I have been looking for someone to date. I have been on a few dates, but nothing ever came out of it.

After I turned 18, I met K for the first time. It was new and exciting, and I did feel an attraction to her, so when she asked me to visit her, I said yes. We spent a few hours watching movies in her bed. She was the first person I ever kissed. Yes, I kissed K waaaaaay back in the day, when we first met. The following day she wrote me and said what happened was a mistake, and that it would not happen again.

I have always been a respectful person, so I didn't throw a tantrum or anything. I let it go and went about my life.

A year later, I met someone on a website, and we got to talking. She lived a few miles south of me, so we decided to meet up for a weekend. I visited her to begin with, and I admit that things went by pretty fast. She was the second person I kissed - and more than kissed.

I broke it off when she told me that she was dating someone the entire time. I felt really used by this, so I decided to stop looking for dates or love for a few years.

The first date I went on was back when I was 23. It was with a woman who had a difficult time walking properly, which didn't bother me at all. We went to dinner, and we spent a few hours talking over our meal. I had a great time, and I hoped to get a second date. A few days later she wrote me and said she wasn't ready for a relationship, so I wouldn't get a second date. Three days later, she was in a relationship with someone, so she straight up lied to me. I called her out on it, and someone else said that she had told him the same story.

Was I disappointed? Of course. I don't appreciate being lied to, so I blocked all communication and went on with my life.

A few years later, I turned 30. I met someone online. We got to talking, and she asked me if I wanted to visit her for a weekend. I said yes, so I packed a bag, bought a bus ticket, and off I went. This time, I made sure to ask if she was single or dating someone else. Yes, she was single, and no, she was not dating someone else. That made me feel a lot better, so I jumped head first into what turned into a three week romance. She had recently split from her ex, so she needed something else to think about.

Three weekends with intimate moments, but it never developed into full intercourse. Something told me that she wasn't completely over her ex yet, so I took it slow.

My suspicions were confirmed, when she, out of the blue, told me that she was getting back with her ex again, and that she didn't want to see me again. That one hurt, because I had hoped that this would be the one. That it would be the person I was going to start a relationship with.

A year later, I was off to Scotland, where I met a lot of women, but nothing developed into anything other than a friendship. I did kiss someone at the company Christmas party, but we were both drunk, and we both agreed that nothing would develop.

Fast forward to 2018, when I met R. If I had taken a different approach to certain things that she did when we first met in person, who knows what would have happened there. Her and I could be dating. It's hard to say.

We're now in 2023, and I am having a hard time meeting someone new. So I'm giving up - at least for now.

Maybe dating just isn't for me?

I saw a story tonight where a couple were on vacation. He went off with family and she stayed behind. He allowed her to borrow his laptop because she didn't bring hers on the trip. She decided to create a folder with her name only to find one already there. Going through the folder she realizes he did background checks on her and her family prior to their marriage. When confronting him about it (in front of his family) he didn't think it was a big deal.

"She was horrified to find out just how extensive the background check was."

Angry, hurt she refused to discuss it in private and spent that night in a hotel. They cut the vacation short.

The woman posted an anonymous thread on the site called Reddit to get responses.
While some thought it was okay others thought it went into the 'creepy zone' that he also investigated her family. Some agreed she was right to be upset.

The story was picked up on Yahoo and some of the comments were all too real.
Typically 180 degrees of each other:

1) I support background checks. My friend's mom experienced domestic violence with her ex. She called the cops and went through the legal system. All to find out he had MULTIPLE arrests for domestic violence in the past. You can never be too careful.
2) In this present time, if I was getting interested in a woman, I would do a background check on her. You'll never know if there is something to be worried about unless you do it.
3) The wife was "hurt about the background check" and then "angry because she found out things about her family and friends that she never even knew."
4) (It would) be a little late to do a background AFTER the wedding.
5) Good job to the husband!!! All men should do the same before getting in bed with anyone.
6) The companies that provide these services regularly run ads: "check out the guy BEFORE you date him" and...women always check their husbands phones out....while very few men check out their wives phones (and if they did...oh MY GAWD...there'd be hell to pay).
7) He checked you out before you two got married. Chill woman.
8) People do that these days. Not surprising.
9) He did extensive background checks, then kept the files in his system! I wouldn’t want to stay around with someone who did that kind of thing.

My opinion is the writer was anonymous, therefore the story didn't give enough information about how or where they met or his financial status that would justify his actions. Not that what he did was wrong. However, his indiscretion for leaving that data on his laptop (and not in a secure/hidden folder) was short-sighted.
It wouldn't surprise me if that was enough for the woman to become alienated and head for a divorce.

Seems like time is going faster an faster, been almost 3 years since my last post here.
I see a lot of new faces, some of the old buggers aswell.
Anyways, I've met my girl here december 2012, married her a few years later and she moved from Vietnam to belgium shortly after.
Next month my sweet wife will graduate here as a nurse, she already has a job waiting for her in the old folks home just around the corner. She has worked so hard to learn the language and I'm so proud of her.
We are still crazy about eachother and keep going strong. After she starts working we plan on starting a family, I really look forward to that. So that will be most likely the next time i'll drop in to leave a message.
Stay safe, take care of eachother. Know that Jenny and I are forever grateful to cs and all of you for having these blogs where we met. Don't give up hope. Someone is out there.

ENJOY LIFE!

Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your "life" is taken away with him as he sets on for greener pastures. You have your own life to live and you must live it up to the purpose you were created for, with or without your loved one.Anyway, we have our family and friends. What are these social beings surrounding us created for anyway?

Remember,there are definite hardships associated with this relationship style but it is important that those who thrive in a long distance relationship see the suffering, difficulties, distance and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing up the maturity in their relationship. The best you can do is to strive to be the best of who you are as a person while your partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are already a full-grown individual whom he will love even more and be more proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy in knowing that across the miles there is someone who thinks you are so special, they are willing to engage in a terrible thing such as a long distance relationship. Keep in mind that your suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was back then.

I have always had the ‘problem’ of attracting younger men, but only because I look and think/act younger than my actual age. As such, all but 2 of my past relationships/s*xual encounters (not that many), which includes my marriage, were with younger men.

The thing was, what they expected of me and I of them, didn’t mesh well enough to keep the attraction going for very long (especially since I’m not easily impressed and get bored quickly).

Crossing 55 made me determined to only form personal relationships with older men, whose future expectations/outlook on life were more in line with mine, and with whom I could fulfil the need for meaningful companionship.

Idealistic? Maybe. Pragmatic? I think so. Achievable? I certainly hope so. Cheers

When filling in the CS profile, we choose "occupation" from a list. In my case, as a member of Danish Writers Association, I picked Writer / Journalist. I have written books and articles. I have even made more than two blogs here on ConnectingSingles. ;-)

To many a potential partners occupation is essencial, more important than the size of income. I think it’s all about status: we like to date a person with a honorable job. An important person, so to speak.

So, I got in contact with a woman in Eastern Europe. We were looking forward to meet - but then I wrote something, she did not like. I told her, that I currently work as a chauffeur. She got upset, accused me for lying about my profession. She certainly did not dream of dating a simple driver!

Well, my job as a chauffeur is only temporary. In Denmark there is only two procent unemployment, and there is a huge need for labour with legal drivers license. Just to help a local catering company and collect extra money for my next travel, I picked this job, bringing out hot and healthy meals to old citizens in the countryside.

I am paid 17 € per hour, I informed her and continued: One day you’ll be old and hungry too. Do you think, you will then still give a f*ckfinger to the chauffeur?

She appologized, but I was no longer interested. Dinner is cancelled. I’ll keep my temporary job for another month or two - and then travel to meet a cute and hardworking shop owner in Thailand. She is okay with me just temporary being a honorable chauffeur - in fact, I am just a simple writer. :-)

Scammers seem to be deleted as soon as they come.

My dear ladies,
I like to warn all my American ladies to beware of the disgusting International scammers who prey on our feelings and intentions to have loving relationships.
I am new to this dating site and was shocked by these men's immoral behavior.
I have been targeted by a group of scammers whose tactics are the following:

1. they post their new profiles in desirable light: Ph.D., Masters's Degree, MD, Surgeon, financially secure, looking for a serious relationship, marriage. The profile photos are always handsome caucasian men and tailored to yours to make you respond.
2. they always widowers with the tragic stories of the deaths of their wives and children or never married
3. as they made a contact, they delete their profiles and insist that you delete yours too because they are serious about you and like to get to know you better ASAP
3. as I request that the connection must be by phone calls or Skype sessions, they always have problems with the phone or internet connections and therefore cannot show their faces and insist on communicating only by text or email
4. they all have weird Afro accents ( meaning not American, most likely from African countries) if you are lucky to hear their voices and stories about how they were born in the US but grew up in different countries. Like one claimed to grow up in England but had a tick Afro accent. I am good at detecting accents as I have one, even can tell the native language of the person.
5. from the get-go they declare that they are serious and assure you that you are in a serious relationship with them, 5 minutes before weeding, almost a family,
pretend to live in the US but have vage or no answers about where they shop, what are their preferred restaurants and so forth. For example, they lose their phones ( almost all bring that excuse) and need an indefinite time to get a new phone or service. Yes, maybe in Nigeria but not in the US. We get our new phone and service in less than an hour which they do not know.
6. then the family tragedy happens: or IRS blocked their multi-million bank account or their only child in an accident, or they lose their valet, get Covid or "the sky is falling"...
7. then they ask you to help them with funds as it is an emergency, wire them a cashier's check or use Crypto transfers as "you are almost a family, they have an everlasting love for you and it is natural for you to help in such situations".
8. I blocked them one after another and in a few days another one appearing
9. I became a detective so to speak, and please pay attention that surgeon does not know anything about medicine, the international crude oil dealer has no idea about the petroleum market, and the engineer cannot clarify simple questions about his operations.
10. please be careful, do not believe them, and blocked them immediately.
Do not open your valets to these scammers.
11. They prey on us as we, Americans, are generous, honest, and kind, always helping when someone is in trouble. We are easy prey...

I hope this was helpful to you and be careful. I greatly appreciate it if you contact me if you had such experiences.
Take care and be safe.

Sincerely,
Majan9

Earlier today, whilst sweeping up some dried leaves in my driveway/garage, I recalled something that had been said to me more than 12 years ago by my ex-husband (aka ‘wus’-band), which was upsetting and negatively affected our marriage relationship. Today I mused that, had those same words been said with a loving/caring tone and intent, then I would not have felt belittled or dismissed (by him) at the time.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot harm me”, is a LIE because whilst the hurts from ‘sticks & stones’ are usually superficial and short term, the pain that words sometimes cause goes deep…even to one’s very soul…and can last for decades. When I thought about them today, I felt the disappointment (again).

I’ve noticed that, for some people, it’s really easy to use words against others in order to hurt or offend, and I’m not even talking about the popularly known ‘obscene’ ones. I try not to (at least not out loud). Even when there isn’t an intent to do so, that can still happen, so it’s not only WHAT you say, but also HOW you say it that matters in ALL relationships.

So tell me, if your person/spouse/significant other says to you, “It doesn’t matter what we discuss, the final decision is always mine”, how would you feel and what would you think?