Last Commented Holidays Poems (355)

You know Dasher and Dancer
And Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid
And Donner and Blitzen
But do you recall
Another reindeer
Rudolph the reindeer!
Had a nose!
And if you ever saw it
You would say nothing!
All of the other reindeer
Used to accept Rudolph completely!
They never let Rudolph
Lift anything on his own!
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph you can't help!
Christmas is ruined!
Then how the other reindeer
Had unfair unexplained expectations of Rudolph!
And they cried!
Rudolph the reindeer!
You're the same as any other reindeer!
(Rudolph) I don't know why, but I'm sorry!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit down and answer some questions Santa. First, how come I have never seen you?

Santa: I have a lot of stops to make in just one night, so I move so fast that you cannot see me.

How many presents did you deliver last year?

Santa: I delivered 21 billion, 256 million, 754,033 presents last year, that's alot of lifting.

So how do you fit all those presents into your sleigh?

Santa: Thanks to majic I can put all the presents in my majic Santa sack, and they come out in the order that I visit each house, apartment, teepee, mudhut, whatever.

How can you afford to buy all those gifts?

Santa: I have my own diamond mine, gold mine, platinum mine, and Yukon Cornelius generously gives me half the money he gets from his peppermint mine. It's not just the cost of the gifts, the elves are well taken care of with good health care, paid vacations, and safe friendly working conditions. The waiting list is quite long to become an elf because it really is a joy to work for me.

Thanks Santa for taking some time to answer my questions. Any advice you would like to give?

Santa: Be sure to leave out some carrots for the reindeer, you better not pout, you better not cry, and clean your chimney because I'm coming to town.

Where all the warm fires are burning
Where always our hearts are yearning
A joyful carol, when children sing
Such comfort in our hearts will bring
For many years our families grow
As many a seasons come and go
With laughter rings a Christmas bell
Love causing all our hearts to swell
All ‘round the colored lights we share
Reflecting magic in our eyes do glare
The beauty of our joy is seen
That sparkles with a special sheen
Come ‘round the dinner table, who sits where??
Our Father, let’s give Him thanks in prayer.

It's Christmas time once again
and if you only knew,
that my Christmas wish
is to spend the time with you.

Making out my Christmas list
placing it under the tree,
wishing for you is all I want
to be a Christmas gift for me.

The lights don't shine as bright
I turn into the Scrooge,
needing you on this silent night
to snuggle in the softest candle light!

Up on a housetop
reindeer pause
Out jumps good old Santa Claus
How will he get down our chimney with lots of toys
Our openings too small even for little boys
Ho Ho Ho!
How will he go?
Ho Ho Ho!
How will he go?
Down though our chimney without getting stuck
And pop his head out through all that black muck
I just don't want toys and games to play
Make my brother stay away
From booze and pot and wicked girls
And make my dad quit making mean comments that he likes to hurl
Ho Ho Ho!
How will he go?
Ho Ho Ho!
How will he go?
Down through our chimney without getting stuck
And pop his head out through all that black muck
I wish Santa would bring what I really need
Dental work and a car that speeds
A sense of humor and a love for my fellow man
And I won't care if he has a permanent tan
Ho Ho Ho!
How will he go?
Ho Ho Ho!
How will he go?
Down through our chimney without getting stuck
And pop his head out through all that black muck

I saw santa clause
It was only one time
he was deep in the woods
try to get the deer in a line

I said whats the matter
He said nothing at all
He had lots of toys
a very big haul

I asked could I help
as that's how I am
He gave me a smile so grand as the land
and then he gave a wave of his hand

I knew I had stumbled
on a very special man
so I wanted to be
part of his plan

So we worked together
to gather the deer
and when we were done
He said have a merry new year

I feel I was blessed
and really was touched
that a man so old
could do so much

I will always respect him
and keep his spirit in heart
where it always should be
for all from the start

I have gotten some good Christmas presents in the past
I have my U2 album from my brother
My majic record from my sister
My 8 track stereo from my mom and dad
The weight bench I used from Janurary to May of 1984
The packer hat
The shark game
National Geographic from 1986 to the present
The tape player I recorded music, my voice, and tv shows
I wish I could remember them all
I was just happy that someone remembered me
That someone took the time to think of me and give me a gift
I even got a Bevis and Butthead tshirt from my nephew
I got all my gifts wrapped and under my tree
DVDs, CDs, gift certificates, a calendar
I do my shopping on November 1
I started my shopping back when I was in seventh grade
I got the money from 15 muscrat traps
My dad did most of the work
I made about 200 dollars from this
That amount is still around what I spend to this day

He flew though the sky with his eight tiny reindeer
From the bells on his sleigh I knew he was near
He came down the chimney with a groan
Then I heard a woman say
"Honey, I'm Home!"
She stood 5 feet tall
She had a figure like that Victoria Secret chick I saw at the mall
She cooked me flapjacks with bacon and toast
Then for desert
Well, I don't like to boast
We lived happily ever after
My good wife and me
Thanks to a jolly old elf who lived up north on a frozen sea

'Twas the night before Xmas, the streets were a mess
with last-minute shoppers unleashing their stress.
The traffic was swarming like flies on a turd
with honking and yelling and flipping the bird.
Mamá in the cockpit, and I with a map,
had just turned around to get out of the crap,

When over a median, cellphone-distracted,
an urban assault wagon flew and compacted
a mini-van trying a left-handed U-ie:
The shopping bags flew as they both went Ka-blooey!

The corridor lights on the metal and snow
shone blue on the cuts of the victims below.
The cellphones were chiming, an ambulance called;
it couldn't get thru 'cause the traffic was stalled.
But lawyers there were, and in less than a flash,
arrangements were made to distribute the cash.

With similar accidents all over town,
the exits to parking lots all were shut down.
Employees and shoppers were trapped in the malls,
and Xmas arrived with them climbing the walls.
And we heard someone say, as we got out of range,
"How much of this stuff will they let us exchange?"

Bruce Williams
Winter Solstice 2002

December 14, 2013

Dear Diary,

I am so ashamed
This darn nose of mine
It ruins everything
I almost got Cornelius and Hermie the elf eaten by the Bumble
My dad tried to cover it up with some mud
It fell off after Clarice gave me the courage to fly
One good thing happens and it's ruined by this deformity
Why am I such a misfit?
Just because my nose glows
Why don't I fit in?
Well I have to keep on the move so the Bumble doesn't eat me
It sure is cold out here and lonely
But if I stayed around I'd get someone eaten because of my nose
It glows really bright!
It might come in handy for reading at night
If I knew how to read