George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
'I'm not sure what to do' says the Devil. 'You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'
George W. thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water.. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell. 'No!' said George W. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. 'No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day.' commented George W.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George W. Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said , 'Yeah, I can handle this.'
The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to Go'!!!!!!
God bless the corners of your house and all the lintels blessed. And bless the hearth and bless the board and bless each place of rest, And bless each door that opens wide to strangers as to kin, And bless each crystal window pane that lets the starlight in, And bless the rooftop overhead and every sturdy wall. The peace of man. The peace of God. With peace and love for all.
DID YOU KNOW 1. According to old Irish folklore, to have good health in the coming year, you should eat an apple on Christmas Eve? 2. You should never launder a Christmas gift before giving it to the recipient? It washes out the luck? 3. It is unlucky to wear a ragged garment on Christmas Day? A hole meant a leak in the purse. However, if clothing is torn on the big day, it should not be sewn; it should be pinned together.
The teacher asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She calls first on young Patrick O'Flaherty. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time? Patrick addresses the class: "Me and me twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing carols. Then we come home very late and we hang up our pillowcases at the foot of the bed. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "Very nice, Patrick," the teacher says. "Now, Billy Murphy, what do you do at Christmas?" "Me and my sister go to church with Mum and Dad, and we also sing carols. When we get home, we put biscuits and milk by the chimney and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents." "That's also very nice, Billy," she said. Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question. "Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responds. Surprised, the teacher questions further. "Tell us what you sing." "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas."
Incase any one has young children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, or just over grown over the hill kids like Brian, you might enjoy tracking Santa as he delivers gifts.
TransX not sure of the number it has an 8505 but I can not tell from the photos what the correct number is. Sorry Gordo. He did arrive in Whitehorse yesterday.
Truly enjoyed reading this, loved what images it brought to mind. Could imagine the feeling between you and the young lady. Could feel the darkness, see the sky and smell the fire.
JMO, I feel you can have a friendly relationship with your child/children, but you should always remain the "parent".
I see many daughters that love to hang out with mom and visa versa, shop, exchange clothes and do lots of activities together, but Mom still is the parent.
I have seen the same with fathers sons, mothers sons, fathers and daughters, but as close as they are, and seem like they look more like friends, there is that line, where the parent still plays the parenting role.
I have watch through time, where the parents as they age are still the parent, but their children after they have gotten older, take on the caring role, but mom and dad are still the mom and dad.
Not sure if that makes sense. Brain tired and not co operating with typing.
Eleven people were hanging on a rope Under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all So they decided that one had to leave, Because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, Until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, Because, as a woman, She was used to giving up everything For her husband and kids or for men in general, And was used to always making sacrifices With little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, All the men started clapping . . . . ...
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies.
'You actually understood and answered me. !'
'I got every word,' says the parrot.
'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.
'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy.
'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.
I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
'Yes.
Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
I DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day.
From a man whom considers himself to be a gentleman, KHD100, this is the first time I have found myself not agreeing with your opinion.
romulus I respect that you disagree, but speaking as a female who has discussed with other females, men, you might be surprised at what one woman might call a nice gentleman, another might think quite differently.
One co worker thought men who did somethings like always opening the doors, had impeccable manners, brings flowers and all the other things that is supposed to do, she considered to be a whipped man. Some women do fall for men that showed all the traits of a gentleman but they were not. Were those women stupid? or played by a wolf in sheep clothing? Women have played the same game on men, making men think they are with a real lady and they are not.
JMO, what made a gentlemen in Victorian times, is not the same as what made a gentleman, in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, till the 2010, have greatly changed.
I'm no longer a dreamer about what my ideal partner should be. Have I lowered my expectations? Definitely not!! I have made my expectations more realistic, but I will not accept being treated with less respect. I do expect honesty and will not let someone try to control or manipulate me. I am less tolerant for certain types of behavior, like things I put up with when I was younger and with the ex.
The person I am with, should be who they are, just as I should be allowed to be who I am. Every couple goes through some adjustments the first year or two, but have you ever noticed many couples that have been together for years go through adjustments and changes but over come them? In some ways I am more open to widening my expectations as long as he respects me, is loyal and is someone I can trust. If he does not have any of the red flags that warn me he can not be trusted, negative or is abusive, is not irresponsible with money, addictions etc, those are some things I look for first. What I see in their eyes, body language, what are they really saying, or not saying are things I have learned to read.
If a male complains the house is not clean enough, food not good enough, guess what ... I work full time, look after aging parents, if he does not like it, he can bloody well get off his duff do the cleaning, and or cooking. If he still complains, he can leave by the door he came in.
When I was younger I would not have ever chosen someone like Brian, but life has taught me to open my eyes and look for a better person, not for the little list of must haves I used to look for.
If I had not grown up and learned from my past mistake. I would not have someone that is there for me, for my parents, his mother, my sons and daughter, etc, if I had not changed. I'm not afraid of him and I am allowed to say, act or do with out him trying to change or turn it into a negative. Is everything perfect ... don't think so, but what in life is perfect?
We did have to hide the cat from the Siberian Husky. He would have killed the cat. He was a fantastic sled dog and great with my kids and very devoted to me considering we were told they do not make great pets. He would take his dog house for a walk and move the wooden picnic table holding it by his teeth.
The half husky Shepard, thought she was the mother to kittens a stray cat gave birth to. She also liked to like porcupines and was a terrible sled dog. If the sled was attached to her harness, she would run away from the sled ... she never did catch on that the sled was going to keep following her until I untied it.
The kittens loved playing with the weasels. The male cat loved the Husky Shepard. If humans could have learned how to get along these two were the perfect example. He would hold her face in his paws and lick it. She loved him from the time he was born. This dog had sore legs after another dog entered our yard and attacked her while she was tied up, and the cat would sit on her legs when she was in pain and she would relax and go to sleep. If she was sleeping in a certain position, the cat would be right behind her sleeping in the same position.
We had a cat that would predict my son having a seizure, sometimes 24 hrs before it happened. That cat loved my son and no one else was good enough. Could not have asked for a better cat.
We have 2 dogs at the moment. One visits adults dealing with disabilities. she never barks when visiting, but at home, she is the boss and always lets the other dog know it. Both dogs have great character and were rescued from abusive situations. The other dog is the one you see sitting with me in my profile photo. He is my shadow. Very easy going most of the time, but not always comfortable with men wearing hats or sun glasses. Guess you could call him my guardian angel. The other dog loves to sit on Brian and if any one or another dog comes near Brian, she stands up and lets it be known she owns Brian. It is quite comical the way she plays with our feet. Right now she is so Knackered from visiting the individuals with disabilities. To see how some of the individuals liven up, or sing when she is visiting, is something special. She stays calm no matter what they do, and she lets them pet her and gives them kisses. She is so patient with others, it is amazing to watch. She went into a boss's office to day in the middle of a meeting, boss picked her up, and forgot she was sitting on his knee. It was funny to see.
My kids when much younger brought home salamanders they found out in the woods behind our home. Guess that was better than the snakes, weasels, squirrels, foxes or bear cubs that might have been mistaken for a new pet.
Watching my mother, she made it to her birthday last week, and if she is not suffering, we hope to have her still around for Christmas. Boxing day would be my parents 56th wedding anniversary ... not sure if it helps or makes me more afraid. Think I'm more afraid of my mother passing away than myself.
something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that. 'Why' my Grandson asked.
"Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied. At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly and said to him, "all Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma." We walked a long in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.
"Oh....I get it! he beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa". 'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
KHD100 Forum Posts (2,495)
For Gordo, Brew, and Geo... from Bri
George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.'I'm not sure what to do' says the Devil. 'You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'
George W. thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The Devil opened the first room.
In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water..
He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
'No!' said George W. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
'No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day.' commented George W.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George W. Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said , 'Yeah, I can handle this.'
The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to Go'!!!!!!