I had to start making excuses when my daughter was approaching 11 years old to get her to walk to school (2 1/2 streets away) on her own.
It would have been social suicide to have mummy walk her to school when she moved on to secondary school in the following academic year.
She wasn't very happy about it and even once told the local policeman that I'd forgotten about her. The reality was that I was lurking behind walls and bushes making sure she got home safely, or without too much discomfort about being on her own.
I live in a really safe place where crime is almost non-existent, but on more than one occasion we've had warnings involving men hanging around schools at the beginning and end of the day. If you want a child, you go to places where there's lot's of children and enough bustle to increase your invisibility. Kids are particularly vulnerable walking to and from school. It's predictable, you can watch them, you can plan.
To my mind, making an 8 year old child walk to school on their own is high risk. In a couple of years their skill set will have matured, at least enough to stay in friendship groups without losing concentration and drifting off.
I can see how that is, she was such a big part of your life and identity.
You lost your job as her carer, your childhood home and your best friend. These are all things which are part of our identity and it takes time to mourn the loss and recreate yourself.
Your mother can no longer fill the cup for you. She's saying it's time to stop mourning the loss, the empty cup you feel you have since her passing and fill the gaping hole she's left.
She'll be with you every step of the way in your heart, but there's always room for more.
In fact it's been firing off good and proper for a while. I have a helluva lot to sort out at the moment to get to the next chapter in my life and I'd really rather everything just fell into place on it's own with no hiccups.
My point was, trying to get your kids to focus so much on one, or two things will always be at the expense of other things, regardless of whether it's religion, or wanting them to be a virtuoso, or prima ballerina.
Sometimes kids can just learn the violin, can just dance, or share their time between two religions, rather than doing everything full on. We don't need to be better than everyone else, or perfectionists at the expense of other valuable and important things.
When my mum was frowned upon for not taking us to church every Sunday, she would say, "It's holier to carry an elderly person's shopping home for them than to show off your best hat in church."
I happen to agree with her that there is more than one way to lead a spiritual and fulfilling life.
I was also making the point that maybe the kids weren't missing out on anything, just like my daughter didn't miss out on the Santa thing that I never did, right from when she was a baby. We had our own way of doing things and she had a grand old time.
Parents of no religion, but who take their kids to lots of extra curricular activities and demand long hours of practice can do that.
That 'over-kill' thing is a matter of management and understanding children's needs. Maybe some kids are happy with that kind of structured lifestyle, maybe some aren't. Maybe some kids get to play with other kids from their church, or ballet lessons, rather than play with the neighbours, or in the street.
It's easy to criticise from the outside without fully knowing the details of people's lifestyles. I've been anonymously reported to social services for 'not letting my daughter believe in Santa'. It's even funnier given she was 15 years old at the time.
Everyone has their own value framework and parents do what they think is right for their children and every parent makes mistakes. I don't recall a handbook falling out with the placenta.
My mum never spoke in German as she thought it would confuse us as children. The reality is that kids easily take on two languages without confusion.
It was a little confusing to grow up with two cultures, but that was due to external prejudices. It all fit in rather neatly at home.
One could argue that being raised with two belief systems creates more open-minded and less indoctrinated children who are able to choose their own belief system. Furthermore, there is a lot of overlap with many religions.
You're going to get a lot of flack for this thread, IS.
You're going to be called a gold digger, a typical female (female what? Female sheep? Female gerbil?) and all sorts.
If you were looking for a relationship with a future and were to bring children into this world without financial stability, you'd get flack for that too and be called irresponsible.
At the age of 19, I think you're wise to take into account all aspects of your future and your future children's future. Nobody wants to see their children starve because they were foolish in love at the age of 19.
I was standing in a shop queue the other day and it seemed odd when someone in front of me bought a packet of cigarettes. I've only just realised it's the first time I've seen someone buying cigarettes in months.
You're still putting something into the atmosphere which other people might inhale and given none of it is regulated, passive vapers will be inhaling something not of their choice if you're in an enclosed space with them.
I'm reasonably careful about where I vape, but having said that, other people aren't careful about me having to inhale their car fumes.
I've been smoke free since the beginning of the year, I much prefer it, but I'm struggling to stop the vaping. I do wonder about the harmful effects of it, even when I'm inhaling a non-nicotine formula.
If you want something different, you can go looking for it.
If you look in high street shops, it's all a bit samey, cheap, tacky and boring for men and women. It's called fashion, or trend.
You often have to go quite upmarket to get decent fabrics in women's clothing, unless you charity shop and ebay hunt to keep the costs down.
I have a lot of upmarket, alternative and interesting clothes in natural fabrics (cotton, silk, linen, cashmere, wool) by looking in alternative avenues. I also make some of my own stuff, or upcycle.
And I get a lot of positive comments about my presentation.
jac_the_gripper Forum Posts (5,363)
RE: Walking your kid to school do you think as wasting time?
I had to start making excuses when my daughter was approaching 11 years old to get her to walk to school (2 1/2 streets away) on her own.It would have been social suicide to have mummy walk her to school when she moved on to secondary school in the following academic year.
She wasn't very happy about it and even once told the local policeman that I'd forgotten about her. The reality was that I was lurking behind walls and bushes making sure she got home safely, or without too much discomfort about being on her own.
I live in a really safe place where crime is almost non-existent, but on more than one occasion we've had warnings involving men hanging around schools at the beginning and end of the day. If you want a child, you go to places where there's lot's of children and enough bustle to increase your invisibility. Kids are particularly vulnerable walking to and from school. It's predictable, you can watch them, you can plan.
To my mind, making an 8 year old child walk to school on their own is high risk. In a couple of years their skill set will have matured, at least enough to stay in friendship groups without losing concentration and drifting off.
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