Most Commented Self-Improvement Blogs (526)

35 years ago I worked for a high-end custom cabinet shop and the owner had a sterling reputation to his clients. His relationship to the employees was very different. But... one thing I learned from him was not to use the word hate. He said it was the 'end all' and there is no way coming back from using it... especially if it pertains to a relationship, business or personal.

That said, I disliked working there. His expectations from everyone he employed was often unfair, even when they did a good job.
Our biggest disagreement was his method for calculating the amount of time allocated for a cabinetmaker to work on a project. He used a 'man days' formula that was strictly by the sales price and not by the difficulty of what was sold.

A lacquered wall unit could take a few days to build, then go to the finishing department to be stained and painted.
If it was a mica unit, the cabinet maker would need nearly the same time to cut and build but the laminating didn't go to another department. It was the job of the cabinetmaker to do all the laminating and assembly. More work (for the cabinetmaker) than a painted product.

Two totally different procedures but the boss used the same calculations in the time needed to build the furniture.

I was in charge of production scheduling using his formulas and suggested we use different formulas for wood cabinetry and mica cabinetry. It was as though he wanted the guys making mica furniture to fail as no one could achieve the time schedules imposed on them.

We would give a cabinetmaker drawings of what was needed and how much time allocated to do the work. Depending how desperate they were for a job, many would pack their tools and leave.

Putting an ad in the paper for a cabinetmaker was a joke as he probably employed everyone in the county at one time or another. He had quite a reputation for having a bad company to work for.

Hurricane Andrew struck and the area was without power for nearly 2 weeks. The owner demanded I work outside in the sun, so I took a portable drafting board and folding table and set up in the parking lot making shop drawings for the upcoming orders.

I stayed until a door of opportunity opened and I moved on.
Often when asked who some of my previous jobs were I mentioned that place and so many knew how bad it was there.

While I wanted to say I hated working there, I always said, I disliked it.

Truth is naked and ugly while Belief is well dressed and beautiful with make-up. Pure truth is tasteless hard and immutable because it is created by Nature whereas Belief is very tasty flexible and soft because we make it ourselves according to our wish.
The quality of Truth is that it is true for everyone and is acceptable by all. The drawback of Belief is that it varies from person to person and conflicts with each other. It is not wrong to live with one's own beliefs, but being bent on proving one's belief is the best and highest creates conflict among ourselves.
"You mind your own business and I'll mind mine, You kiss your own sweetheart and I'll kiss mine."

If we could create balance between Truth and Belief then our life and this world will become very beautiful.

Rent is expensive. Moving to a new apartment is expensive. Moving to a whole new State across the country is very expensive; we're talking quadruple-digits (if you have found a way to circumvent this, you have my respect). So, I'll stay in Washington State just one more year (which is what I said last time). After that, I plan to move somewhere that isn't turning into California.

Anyone else having to put off plans of moving? Or, if you have moved, are you happy/better off in your new location?

Is it possible to change the basic nature of feelings with repeated practice?
For example:
The nature of anger is to harm others. Can this temper of anger be changed?
Is hurting someone in anger a habit or a nature?

How does one define this "freedom of speech"

'Freedom of speech is the right to seek, receive and impart information and ideas of all kinds, by any means. Does this then give others the right to cause insult and hurt to others with our free speech.

As decent human beings we never have to accept what others say without question and are entitled to cast an opinion ,yet many times we are castigated for daring to challenge someone .There is much controversy and hate in our World today whether it be political ,religious,colour,creed or even jealousy, which sadly continues to divide and separate us from others.

You don’t have to accept or even approve of all of the other person’s attitudes or behaviours .The most important skill in communication is the ability to listen to others. Rather than doing all the talking, take the time to stop and hear what others have to say. Refrain from interrupting or talking over other people. Sadly we forget the "rules of engagement" for want of better words as can be seen frequently on the Forums and blogs.

Is conversation good for the soul or can it be soul destroying?

I had signed with Dorrance Publishing to publish two of my books (Intorqueo: A Collection of Short Stories and Intorqueo: More Twists, More Turns). The contract, it turned out, made me the owner of the stories in name only. Oh, I will still get money if the books sell, whether on Amazon or in Barnes and Noble (or off of the Dorrance Bookstore online), but the company basically has the say on ownership. Even when the contracts end after a couple years, I would have to submit my withdrawal in writing.

Basically, they can do with my submitted books as they see fit, keeping my name as author and me as "partner", which is code for "I became a sucker to their words and promises".

I plan to have any contract from any publisher scrutinized by lawyers, as such will be cheaper than what was paid to have those two books published in the first place.

So, if anyone has any name of any legitimate publishing house that isn't trying to scam a person out of a lot of money, I'm all ears.

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." -Confucius.

"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air." -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not." -Oscar Wilde

"The only impossible journey is the one you never begin." -Tony Robbins.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

E. M. Forster.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." -Dr. Seuss.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. -Walt Disney.

"You become what you believe." -Oprah Winfrey

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." -Amelia Earhart.

...... my morning full toilet, chores, and other items of the life variously lived....
To digress, women seem to think that their morning life tasks and beauty rituals take much more time than those of their men folk. Au contraire, CS friends.
But Bravo is signaling to go for his walk, so later, alligators.

So, I spend about half an hour on these items, less the time I spend walking Bravo. Of course, showers, clearing snow, watering and weeding garden, all in season, etc, add considerable time, not to mention shopping, hobbies and vehicle/home maintenance.
But I'm happy to do so, as there have been rare times in life, in depressed and therefore slothful periods, when we let it all pile up. These thankfully all came after the 5th decade on God's good earth, and related to unresolved business over youthful traumata, likely from parents, as an infant, and much later from men in our Church. Years of denial and rationalization did wonders to stir up the mix. The bottle was a false ally, as many will know.
Even though I studied these things and worked to help others with their depressions, etc., I always doubted the validity of such syndromes, and especially how they could set the stage for lower life achievement, and even self harm. Silly me.
With help (various therapies, including hypnotic age regression, etc) and the tinctures of time and experience, I'm back in the saddle, and have discarded the false crutches. For good, Inshallah.
But the most striking lessons involve how much such experiences can detract from the full life. I have learned that most, thankfully, adapt, with or without help. But in terms of function and interpersonal interactions, it's often sub optimal, and less than fully adaptive. Even if lives are carried out and even somewhat enjoyed, at different levels.
Behavioral science still only scratches the surface in all of this, I'm here to report.
Medicine and religion, even more so.

The cause of Fear and Its Remedy.

The ancients saw clairvoyant predictive value, Freud saw wish fulfillment, modern neuroscience---processing, storing and consolidation of memories. Look at Spanish cave art, and earlier woman saw hunted animals, and hubbies with those sexy large hands. But I digress. As I continue to evolve away from the chains of childhood traumata, thanks to my hot and brilliant Dr. M, and the art is long, believe me folks, my own dreams seem to be changing. Actually it sort of fits with the four theories as above. Fewer recalled episodes, yet what remain are much more intense. And there's more. As with the one a few weeks ago, where I actually FELT most sensations of being high, VERY high. Only wet dreams, VERY wet, seemed more experienced in the life. This morning, as I dreamed of an old GF, a lovely, decent lady, to whom I was a total crumb, whose new BF and I were inspecting water craft, I was impressed with how decent a (mid Eastern) fellow he was. When Ms. C. returned to the docks, with (real) tears in my eyes, I told her how happy I was for her new life, with such a nice man. But in the really striking part of the reverie, while looking at sails with this fine older man, we got to chatting about the political situation in Iran/Iraq. What wasn't striking was how lucid were his thoughts here. But that it all exactly dovetailed with a morning radio program on short wave, for a short guy, VERY short, which was all COMPLETELTY news to me, until the dream a few hours earlier. And his analysis was spot on, as HE, CC and Red would say. Sure, lots of alternative explanations, similar to those for deja and jamais vue phenomena. Starting to doubt such, though.. Bravo agrees. Grasping for the sacred I Ching. Ever onward, through the fog.