what would you do?

If you found out that your mother has less than 5 months to live?
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Comments (18)

Get a second opinion, and spend as much time you can with your mom.
1) Definitely get a second opinion from a recognized hospital.

2) Understand the doctors and specialists and make sure they are 100% accurate for any diagnosis. Review all tests, blood works, scans, MRIs or similar. Ask if uncertain and make full inquiries. Including possible treatments, benefits, disadvantages, pain management, home care assistance, palliative options, and prognosis if it is actually 5 months.

3) Get a responsible individual to be a POA ( both financial and medical ), discuss your mother's wishes now, make funeral arrangements according to income available, note what type of last rights according to religion, review all debts, apply for any death benefits if any, seek extended insurance, and any assistance local social services can provide to you also.

4)When in the final stage make sure above her bed there is a visible chart describing her wishes. DNR. No Morphine Injections. What meds not to use. Etc. You'd be surprised by the mistakes they can make... stay focused and yet not obsessed. Don't allow irritating friends or relatives unless your mother asks and let her see pets along with all the food she likes unless doctor objects due to condition.

5) Take care of yourself... you have to live after it's all over.

Good luck.
Johnny,

I've been through it. It's gut wrenching emotions, feelings. Very heartbreaking. If this is about your mother, I send her, you and your family my hopes and prayers.

I'd say, be with her as much as you can. Tell her you love her every day. Just do all you can to make her feel as best she can.

May God bless your mother, yourself and all your family and loved ones.
Tell her that she's not obligated to die according to someone else's time scale.

My mum's determined to stay alive simply to stop her pension from going back into Boris Johnson's coffers. I have reassured her that if she does pop her clogs, I'll have a letter box fitted in her coffin so we can keep posting her cheques.

My mum's life is her choice. Her treatment, or the right to decline any, is her choice. When she's good and ready she'll know.

It's my job to accept and support her life choices. It's my job to know what she would and would not want; what constitutes quality of life in her terms in case one day I have to speak for her.

I have to let go when she's ready. That's the only way I can be ready to let go.
What Jac said teddybear
I agree with Jac, unless they are planing to kill your mother (which is what they did with my fathers treatment process.
My mother and i had a phone conversation and she told me she had, had enough and didn't want sit through another winter. In three months she died, she died knowing for well it was a choice she made.

I suggest you should be encouraged to live as much as possible in the here and now, because that is what is, the rest gaga land stuff.
Medical staff can of course offer estimations based on there past experiences, but other factors including a persons changing outlook, will to live, living in the here and now, can quite easily assist physical cell recovery, lengthen life because relaxation rejuvenates a persons body, all sough's of magic like inner peace and happiness can brighten up a persons day instead of dreaded big dark cloud cast by the grim reapers shadow etc etc
I'd suggest you both as much as possible make the most of the here and now because that is actually what there is, there is no yesterday and there is no tomorrow the only true reality is the here and now, the right now and what we do with it shapes our tomorrows..
Unfortunately, this is something that many of us have to experience at some point.

There's some very good advice above. I'll just add, that you remind your mom,
that you love her and appreciate all she has done in raising you.

Also, know that in many real ways, she will always be a part of you and live on within you.
Over 50% of your DNA comes from your mom. That lives within you and your siblings and is passed on to
your children. Of course. you have photos, perhaps video, and memories. They include all the teachings
and experiences that you've shared. They have helped mold you into the person you have become.

I would also research what new treatments are available to remedy whatever afflicts her.
Not every facility nor practitioner is up to date on upcoming techniques and discoveries.
Many become extremely proficient at what they do, but fail to keep current, or grow to assimilate
better techniques.
The year was 1991, I was living on our farm in VA with my wife and 2 boys ages 4 & 10. Our marriage was coming to an end. My mother was living in FL and she was 94 YO. I decided to drive down to FL to see her knowing it would probably be the last time. Naturally my wife had no interest in making such a trip especially with 2 kids in a small car. I spent about 3 days in FL doing as much as possible with my mom and letting her know how much I loved her. I hardly remember the drive home but when I arrived the house was empty. My wife was gone, my kids were gone, all their clothes were gone, even their bunk bed was gone. Her and her BF seized the opportunity to move her and my kids out to live with him in Delaware while I was away.

A few years later they all moved to Arizona because the BF always wanted to be a cowboy. laugh
I prefer you DM me anytime.
I may be offline but I AM here for you.purple heart hug
@Robert I remember that hug .It seems like it was only yesterday but so much has changed since then. purple heart
What I would do is pray for strength & courage to help me be able to do this....
without stumbling and falling the way some people do, otherwise it will be a regret that will stay with you always.

If you are referring to your own mother Johny? then I am very sorry to read of the sadness you and yours have a head of you, my sympathies to you and of course to your beloved mother sad flower
Does your mum know?

Don't give up on yourself Johny.......
you've got this, you can do this .... you WILL.
Among others, be one of the hands she holds.

teddybear Johny



I would try and determine what her wishes were and then honor them to the best of my ability. My dad was in a lot of pain before he died. He was 89 and to him dying was a relief. I've heard him pray asking God take him home. I strongly believe that we should be able to end our pain and suffering and die in dignity if that is what we desire.
Thank you all for the ideas and advice. I don't think nobody really becomes a pro at this stuff, but I wanted to try to see if there were some things that I may have not thought about. I got some good info here.

Thank you all for you kindness and words.

wave
Sending you prayers for you,your family
So sorryhug
Johnny just cherish every moment, regardless of whether it's 5 months, minutes or years hug

None of us knows when we will depart, it's today that counts, just tell her that you love her and that's all that matters hug
Spend as much time with her as you can. I miss my mom every day. kiss
Thank you ladies, your words are much appreciated.



wave
Hope you're doing well Bro... stay strong.
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Johnny_Sparton

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