Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A four-year-old boys older brother brings home a friend who is heavily tattooed.As the friend sits down with the famy to Sunday lunch, the little boy can't take his eyes off the man's colourful arms.Curiosity finally gets the better of him and he leans over his brother to take a closer look. The tattooed young is flattered and says,"What do you think?" Politely the little boy asks the visitor,"Didn't your mother give yoy paper to write on?"

Three ducks appeared in court one day for causing a disturbance at the park. As the ducks approached the stand, the judge called the first duck up and ask his name and what he was doing that day. The duck replied "my name is Huey and I was in and out of puddles all day."

"Very good" said the judge as he told the duck to step down and called up the 2nd duck and asked him his name and what he was doing that day. "My name is Louie and I spent all day in and out of puddles."

The judge excused the 2nd duck and called on the third duck. The judge said "let me guess, your name is Dewy, right?"

"NO" growled the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles and don't ask me about that day."

Ok...Ok, a CS female is missing here therefore, let's all line-up for roll call. Maybe then we will find out whose missing and put out an APB on her. Unless she has pulled a Bruce Jenner on us

All we know for now is, that she is female, and she is gone... no other information about her description or what she was wearing or anything to go on, regarding this missing CS female... has anyone seen her or know her where abouts? If you have seen her or know her where abouts, please contact me, and you will remain anonymous... there is a reward, but it is a surprise that is to be paid out by Angelpepper-face. Thank you,

ROLL CALL!...

1. SistaCallie ... HERE

who want to get drunk and have nudist party....

you are so sik.
only the stupid one coment .
why ..he is stupid...
come to your dadi i will teach you my sun.
haha

1. ARBITRAITOR
A cook that leaves Arbys to work at McDonalds

2. BERNADETTE
The act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE
What a crook sees through

4. AVOIDABLE
What a bullfighter tries to do

5. COUNTERFEITER
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

6. LEFT BANK
What the bank robbers did when their bag
was full of money.

7. HEROES
What a man in a boat does

8. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower

9. PARADOX
Two physicians

10. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm

11. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring

12. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife

13. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does

14. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official

8. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower

9. PARADOX
Two physicians

10. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm

11. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring

12. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife

13. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does

14. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official

Recent email from friend..relates to women over 60..are they loosing interest in s*x? Don't think so!


Last week, she checked into a nice motel on her 65th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver dollar off his well-oiled bum.
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?

Oh my, he sounded sooo s*xy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s*x. I want it hot, and I want it now.
Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!
Now how does that sound?"

He said, " Ma’am, that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.


...

This came from email and could be based on facts...Just read, hoping you don't recognize anyone here and be grateful that you don't!

ONE: Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

(And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)


TWO:
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)


THREE:
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

(Keep shuddering!!)


FOUR:
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself !!!


FIVE:
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Brunette, by the way!!


SIX:
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'



Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'


SEVEN:
At a Program Review meeting in Atlanta, The company VP asked one of her employees, a young blonde with a degree in Computer Science, to please take the minutes of the meeting.

At the end of the meeting the VP asked the young lady for the minutes and the young lady replied "Yes, the meeting lasted 3 hours and 45 minutes."

Saw this on my FB this morning and thought I would like to share it here.



Back in 1976, The Carol Burnett Show aired a sketch comedy segment that would forever be held as one of the funniest moments in the history of television. And watching it again, almost 39 years after its initial release, you’ll easily agree that this hilarious piece stands the test of time and still remains a hilarious bit of writing and acting.

Carol Burnett has long been respected as one of the funniest women in the comedy business, but this famous sketch, is the stuff that legends are made of. The famous 1939 epic film Gone With The Wind had recently aired for the first time on television, so naturally Burnett wanted to make an amazing parody of the southern drama.

With Burnett playing a parody of Scarlett O’Hara, Harvey Korman as Rhett Butler, Tim Conway as Ashley Wilkes, and the ever-talented Vicki Lawrence playing the role of the crazed Sissy, this amazing piece of television history is still much remembered and well-beloved by anyone who loves to laugh.

Paying homage to some of the original film’s most famous scenes and lines, this hilarious sketch is perhaps most well known for the memorable curtain-rod dress that Burnett wears for the very end. When Burnett rolled down the stairs the audience famously laughed so hard and so long that they had to edit it out due to time constraints.

Voted #2 in TV Guide’s list of the Top 50 Funniest Moments in Television, this amazing sketch is a must watch for anyone who wants to feel a bit of nostalgia! Though it’s nearly 20 minutes long, it’s certainly worth watching and re-watching. There’s just something about watching all these hilarious people dressed up in the garb of antebellum south that we just love more than anything.






Have a great start of the week my dear CS peeps!

This woman changes dentists, and notices that the fairly unusual name of the new dentist is the same as the name of a boy she went to school with, 30 years ago. However, when she sees him, she thinks it can't be - this guy is ANCIENT, must be his father.

Then she sees his diploma on the wall. WOW. Graduated 22 years ago. Must be the same guy. She's quite shocked at how he's aged, but says cheerfully enough as she sits down in the chair of doom 'I remember you from Ridgeway High School'.

His brow wrinkles. 'Were you my teacher?'