Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A blind man went to a restaurant. "Menu sir?"Asked the owner."I'm blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks.. I will smell it & order.
"The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelt the fork with
a deep breath."Yes, I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables ."Unbelievable!" thought the owner. The blind man ate and left
.
2 weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and
said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your body..which she did! He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork.
The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and says,
"Oh interesting..!!! , I never knew Brenda worked
here......

GENEALOGY

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

To all my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…
And those who are always seen with a bottle of purified water in their hand.

As I always say:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
but in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilogram of Escherichia Coli – that is the bacteria that we find in shit. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilogram of shit per year.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer, tequila, rum, whiskey or any other alcoholic beverage, because alcohol has to go through a purification process including, but not limited to, boiling, filtering, evaporation, distillation and fermenting.

Remember then:
Water is Shit.
Wine is Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk a little shit,
than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service in the interest of a cleaner and healthier lifestyle.

Confucius was a Chinese wise man who lived from 551 to 479 BCE. He was a philosopher, teacher, politician, and editor.

Let's look at a few by Confucius today. There are hundreds of them and maybe you can add some; these are my favourites. Though I somehow do not believe he said any of these. He was a much deeper man.

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there soon.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who sit on tack get the point!
Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
Man stuck in pantry have áss in jam.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.
Man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose.
Man who have last laugh, not get joke.
Man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.
Man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily dentist.
Man who walk through door sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of a flat miner.
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.

Catfoot says: Confucius say too damn much.


And to all my friends and everybody else:
Have a great day.

Where is a woman’s ‘YET’? And what is it? This is a word I often use, but it would now appear that I use it incorrectly all along; if one can believe the newspapers.

I have tried several dictionaries, but the explanations offered do not make any sense to me at all; given the context of the sentence. With me not knowing much about women and English being only a second language to me, I need some help here.

I have encountered the word in a newspaper report this morning about a failed attempt to rob a bank in Cape Town. A female police officer was wounded during the shootout with the robbers.

The newspaper reported as follows:
Her condition is stable, but the bullet has not been removed from YET.

So if the bullet is still to be removed from her YET, then I think it is reasonable to assume that she was shot in her YET.

If anybody can, please tell me: Where is a woman’s YET? I know for a fact that I do not have a YET.

Friendly greetings all round.

The Lord made a limited number of perfect scalps. The rest He covered with hair. Somebody asked me yesterday if I’m bald. No, I fear I do not have a perfect scalp… yet.

I have a smallish bald patch on top and I have lost some hair in front, but this is only visible in winter - like now – when I grow my hair. In summer I keep my hair short.

Some men go bald on top first and then it spreads to the front. Others go bald in front first then it spreads to the top. A third group – like me – start both at more or less the same time and they work their way together across the top.

So what is the relevance?

Men who are bald in front think a lot while men who are bald on top know a lot.

So what if a man is bald in front and on top? Like me!

He thinks he knows a lot!

But while we are at the general topic of hair, why is it that my beard is greyer than my hair? It should not be so. After all, my hair is 18 years older than my beard.


So today is Tuesday. Vasbyt! We're getting there.

This was my very first blog on CS. It was read by only few people. With the current electricity problems I could not prepare a proper blog.

This is dedicated to all my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…
And those who are always seen with a bottle of purified water in their hand.

As I always say:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
but in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilogram of Escherichia Coli – that is the bacteria that we find in shit. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilogram of shit per year.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer, tequila, rum, whiskey or any other alcoholic beverage, because alcohol has to go through a purification process including, but not limited to, boiling, filtering, evaporation, distillation and fermenting.

Remember then:
Water is Shit.
Wine is Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk a little shit,
than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service in the interest of a cleaner and healthier lifestyle.

Enjoy your day.

North Korean KPA Last Victory Song when they beat USA 2013 LOL

They already beat everybody with the victory song





Kim Jong Un for World Leader

A four-year-old boys older brother brings home a friend who is heavily tattooed.As the friend sits down with the famy to Sunday lunch, the little boy can't take his eyes off the man's colourful arms.Curiosity finally gets the better of him and he leans over his brother to take a closer look. The tattooed young is flattered and says,"What do you think?" Politely the little boy asks the visitor,"Didn't your mother give yoy paper to write on?"