Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
How to get around an election.
As usual, quick as a bunny, Andy Borowitz pens a comedic satire today,
based on Trump's recent suggestion to delay the election.
Andy just works out the logistics.
Today in The New Yorker;
Certainly, there's a lot less to be thankful for since Trump took office.
However, I'm in no rush to have winter arrive sooner
and I definitely don't want to miss out on the impending election.
I could do without the pumpkin pie though. It's never been a favorite of mine.
based on Trump's recent suggestion to delay the election.
Andy just works out the logistics.
Today in The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November
By Andy Borowitz
July 31, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.
While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that “the Constitution doesn’t say anything about how many months you have to have.”
“All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn’t think of,” he said. “I got them on the months.”
Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was “long overdue,” calling it “a rigged month.”
“November is a hoax,” he said. “Some people say it may not even be a real month.”
Responding to a reporter’s question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that “nobody will miss it.”
“Just ask anyone in this country,” he said. “Nobody has anything to be thankful for.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November
By Andy Borowitz
July 31, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.
While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that “the Constitution doesn’t say anything about how many months you have to have.”
“All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn’t think of,” he said. “I got them on the months.”
Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was “long overdue,” calling it “a rigged month.”
“November is a hoax,” he said. “Some people say it may not even be a real month.”
Responding to a reporter’s question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that “nobody will miss it.”
“Just ask anyone in this country,” he said. “Nobody has anything to be thankful for.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Certainly, there's a lot less to be thankful for since Trump took office.
However, I'm in no rush to have winter arrive sooner
and I definitely don't want to miss out on the impending election.
I could do without the pumpkin pie though. It's never been a favorite of mine.
online now!
What made Mickey mouse unique?
He was the first cartoon character to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
He represented wholesome values of kindness and innocence.
He was courageous and intelligent.
He survived death after being hit with a mallet.
But he knew that his destiny was Disney world, and that one day his followers would be able to join him there and experience the fantasy that he played his part in creating.
He represented wholesome values of kindness and innocence.
He was courageous and intelligent.
He survived death after being hit with a mallet.
But he knew that his destiny was Disney world, and that one day his followers would be able to join him there and experience the fantasy that he played his part in creating.
Hot off the press - Americans Oppose paying a man who refuses to work
Today in The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Oppose More Payments to Man Who Is Not Working
By Andy Borowitz
August 8, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans are vehemently opposed to issuing more government payments to a Kentucky man who has not been working during the coronavirus crisis.
According to reports, the man has been receiving a weekly check amounting to over three thousand dollars for doing nothing, all at taxpayers’ expense.
Harland Dorrinson, the executive director of a watchdog group called Americans Against Waste and Abuse, called the payments to this non-working individual “nothing short of scandalous.”
“If you do the math, he is receiving checks that add up to $174,000 a year,” Dorrinson said. “Under those circumstances, what is his incentive to work?”
Dorrinson said that the payments the man has been receiving should be cut off “immediately” and sent to someone who is providing essential services during the pandemic, like a health-care worker or first responder.
As for the Kentucky man, Dorrinson said, “It’s time for him to stop living off the government and show some personal responsibility.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Oppose More Payments to Man Who Is Not Working
By Andy Borowitz
August 8, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans are vehemently opposed to issuing more government payments to a Kentucky man who has not been working during the coronavirus crisis.
According to reports, the man has been receiving a weekly check amounting to over three thousand dollars for doing nothing, all at taxpayers’ expense.
Harland Dorrinson, the executive director of a watchdog group called Americans Against Waste and Abuse, called the payments to this non-working individual “nothing short of scandalous.”
“If you do the math, he is receiving checks that add up to $174,000 a year,” Dorrinson said. “Under those circumstances, what is his incentive to work?”
Dorrinson said that the payments the man has been receiving should be cut off “immediately” and sent to someone who is providing essential services during the pandemic, like a health-care worker or first responder.
As for the Kentucky man, Dorrinson said, “It’s time for him to stop living off the government and show some personal responsibility.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Trump's advice to Biden on choosing a VP
Today in The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Accuses Biden of Dragging out V.P. Search Instead of Picking First Clown Who Says Yes
By Andy Borowitz
August 10, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump ridiculed Joe Biden on Monday for dragging out his search for a running mate instead of “picking the first clown who says yes.”
“Sleepy Joe is wasting time with all this vetting,” Trump told reporters. “Just pick someone who’s totally desperate.”
“Find an elected official who doesn’t have a chance in hell of getting re-elected in his home state,” he said. “He’ll be overjoyed that you saved him from the junk heap.”
Additionally, Trump said, one should choose a Vice-Presidential candidate “who’s so hopeless, he couldn’t get a real job if he tried.”
“The more pathetic he is, the better,” the President said.
Trump noted that choosing a candidate who is “terrified he’ll never work again” has major benefits if one ultimately makes it to the White House.
“He’ll spend the next four years sucking up to you like you wouldn’t believe,” Trump said. “It’s a beautiful thing.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Accuses Biden of Dragging out V.P. Search Instead of Picking First Clown Who Says Yes
By Andy Borowitz
August 10, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump ridiculed Joe Biden on Monday for dragging out his search for a running mate instead of “picking the first clown who says yes.”
“Sleepy Joe is wasting time with all this vetting,” Trump told reporters. “Just pick someone who’s totally desperate.”
“Find an elected official who doesn’t have a chance in hell of getting re-elected in his home state,” he said. “He’ll be overjoyed that you saved him from the junk heap.”
Additionally, Trump said, one should choose a Vice-Presidential candidate “who’s so hopeless, he couldn’t get a real job if he tried.”
“The more pathetic he is, the better,” the President said.
Trump noted that choosing a candidate who is “terrified he’ll never work again” has major benefits if one ultimately makes it to the White House.
“He’ll spend the next four years sucking up to you like you wouldn’t believe,” Trump said. “It’s a beautiful thing.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Trump background music
There's been quite a few times that musicians have complained,
that Trump has used their music as background without their permission.
Honestly it's happened a lot. They simply don't want to be identified with
a lying corrupt demagogue.
Here's an alphabetical partial list;
1 Adele
2 Aerosmith
3 The Beatles
4 Bruce Springsteen
5 Eddy Grant
6 Elton John
7 Guns N' Roses
8 Leonard Cohen
9 Linkin Park
10 Luciano Pavarotti
11 Neil Young
12 Nickelback
13 Panic at the Disco
14 Pharrell Williams
15 Prince
16 Queen
17 R.E.M
18 Rihanna
19 The Rolling Stones
20 Tom Petty
21 Village People
But here I am to the rescue.
I don't think anyone would object if the music was truth in advertising.
Considering how most of the dumb attendees to Trump's rallies don't socially distance and
don't wear face masks.
Here's a song that Trump SHOULD use;
that Trump has used their music as background without their permission.
Honestly it's happened a lot. They simply don't want to be identified with
a lying corrupt demagogue.
Here's an alphabetical partial list;
1 Adele
2 Aerosmith
3 The Beatles
4 Bruce Springsteen
5 Eddy Grant
6 Elton John
7 Guns N' Roses
8 Leonard Cohen
9 Linkin Park
10 Luciano Pavarotti
11 Neil Young
12 Nickelback
13 Panic at the Disco
14 Pharrell Williams
15 Prince
16 Queen
17 R.E.M
18 Rihanna
19 The Rolling Stones
20 Tom Petty
21 Village People
But here I am to the rescue.
I don't think anyone would object if the music was truth in advertising.
Considering how most of the dumb attendees to Trump's rallies don't socially distance and
don't wear face masks.
Here's a song that Trump SHOULD use;
That's a guy thing......
A bloke goes to the council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am..
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.There's no point coming in for that.".............
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am..
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.There's no point coming in for that.".............
Sometimes you feel like a nut....
As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifl*e-- which no longer works-- and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.
I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.
"What are you doing" she asked.
"I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."
Scanning the contours of my doughy, nak*ed body, she mumbled,
"You didn't need the gu*n."
I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.
"What are you doing" she asked.
"I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."
Scanning the contours of my doughy, nak*ed body, she mumbled,
"You didn't need the gu*n."
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
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