Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Okay! Everyone Remember The Buddy System

Not to offer friendship! Only in marriage! Shortly about: magic on all head...)

Don't keep the sugar and salt in similar containers beside each other.

If you need to use the bathroom but someone is in there, just use the garbage can instead.

Do not pull out an*l beads like you are pulling over a lawn mower.

Baking powder and baking soda are NOT the same thing.

Don't file off the ground connector on a plug, use a grinder instead, its faster.

If its raining and you don't want to get your hair wet or ruin your makeup but you don't have an umbrella, just throw a clear plastic bag over your head.

Stick a penny in a light sockets to check if its working or not.

If your afraid to give your cat a bath, put it in the toilet, sit on the lid and flush a few times.

If you find a box of condoms and suspect your husband or wife is cheating, poke a pinhole in the wrappers and put in a little hot sauce. You will get your answer soon enough and with luck, you will also find out who they are cheating with.

y rosendo, ahi, y oquendo ahi, y zarzuela ahi

y tu abuela ahi, y chiquita ahi, y mariquita ahi

y la silla ahi, y la morcilla ahi, y la casa ahi

y calacaza ahi, y el moco ahi, y el loco aqui

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These are slightly different from the typical blonde joke.

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and mine's wet."
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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
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A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe.
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An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!

A couple was going out for the evening. They had gotten ready, put the dog outside, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out, the dog runs back in the house.
They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver,
"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says.
"Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her a** downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!
She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!

A young fella was visiting his grandfather in the mountains one weekend. He figured that he would cook supper for for them both. He reached up in the cupboard and grabs some dishes, he looks at them and says "grandfather, do you wash your dishes?" His grandfather replies "they are so clean as cold water can get them" so the young fella thinks it over and says "well ok, sure, why not".

He cooks supper and they both sit down and start eating. After they had finished, he grandfather asks is he would like to go up the mountain for a walk, he says "sure". On his way to the porch, his grandfather says "while your out there, can you grab a can of dog food, I got to feed cold water before we leave".