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A Round Tuit.

Can anybody please tell me where I can get a round tuit. These tuits are very scarce; especially the round ones. I will need a dozen or two of these round tuits, regardless of the cost.

I don’t think I would have to pay import duties as they are definitely not being manufactured here in South Africa.

I need them urgently, as for years now I had to listen to people telling me that they will do something as soon as they get a round tuit. I want these round tuits so I can give each of these people their very own round tuit, so I can tell them that now that they got a round tuit they must get off their butts and get around to it!

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Mar 2013
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Blame The French

Before 1811 few Dutch people had last names. They used their fathers’ names to differentiate between two persons with the same name; like Peet van Joop – Joop being the name of Peet’s father. This is still very much the case in many countries today. Like David Ben Gurion; David the son of Gurion.

When Napoleon Bonaparte invaded and annexed the Netherlands in 1811, the Dutch were required to register; and they were required to have a last name. So last names had to be invented.

Some people simply used their fathers’ names, Hendriks (Hendrik’s son) and Petersen (Peter’s son)

Others used their professions such as Visser (fisherman), Kuiper (cooper), Mulder (miller), Brouwer (brewer) and De Boer (the farmer)

A number of people used their whereabouts or origins to make up a last name. Examples of this would be Van Dijk (from the dyke), Van Rijn (from the Rhine) and Van Den Berg (from the mountain).

Some other did not think that the French would stay for long and made fun of the French officials, exploiting their poor understanding of the language.

As a result De Keizer and De Koning were born. It was a great joke when asked, ‘Who are you?’ to answer ‘I’m the emperor!’ or ‘I’m the king!’

It did not stop there. Funny names like Schietekat (shoot the cat), Katschlachter (cat killer), Windvogel (wind bird??), Zeldenhuis (seldom at home), Den Uyl (the owl), Naaktgeboren (born naked) and Poepjes (poo!) caused endless amusement.

But the joke backfired. The French stayed for a while and the last names had taken root; and stayed.

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Apr 2013
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Fact and Fiction

A lot had been said about the Kruger millions. Some of it is fact and some (mostly) fiction. No, I’m not related to him at all. I’m a ninth generation French Huguenot in this country, arriving here in 1688.

About a half a million pounds worth of gold did go missing from the Transvaal mint. Plus an undisclosed amount of gold Kruger pounds and some English currency. It was never found and remains un-accounted for; even today. Kruger often demanded gold from the mint; and sometimes directly from the goldmines.

Paul Kruger did leave in 1900 on De Gelderland. A Dutch warship sent by the Queen of Holland to pick him up; in defiance of the British blockade. He left to raise support for the Boers in Europe. It is reasonable to believe that he had a large reserve of cash and gold with him.

He also went to Germany, but the Kaiser refused to receive him. He lived in France for a while before moving to Switzerland where he died in 1904. Very little cash or gold were found in his villa. Popular believe is that it is sitting snugly in a Swiss bank. Until somebody can produce the right number.

The letter he sent that went missing? Oh, I don’t know if any such letters were sent. The freighter Baron Lambermont did sink off the coast of Tunisia on April 14th, 1904 after hitting rocks, but I do not know if it was carrying any mail; and it was going the other way.

As for the rest… Oh well, it is a nice conspiracy theory.

Paul Kruger was not exactly the statesman that I was taught in school. He was a corrupt old man and very rich. None of his personal wealth, other than his farms, was ever recovered. His wife died after he left; also with little to leave behind.

So, there you are. I hope that the blog that preceded this, amused you somewhat.

http://www.connectingsingles.com/blog_50510_1/found_at_last.htm

Whether you fell for it, or not, is not important. A happy April Fool’s day to each and all of you!

But it still is the 1st of April. How much of this can be true. Trust me, I only lie when I know I won’t be caught out!

A special thanks to my two friends Lukeon and Whocanitbe, who knew about this beforehand, for their support and assistance.

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Apr 2013
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Found. At Last!

In a special late afternoon (in camera) session, scheduled for last Thursday to avoid the press, The Cape Supreme Court reserved judgement in a urgent application against a national food chain, Shoprite/Checkers.

My father, who initiated the action, is the great grandson of Stephanus Johannes Paulus Kruger, president of the Zuid Afrikaanse Republiek, which seized to exist in 1902; at the end of the Anglo Boer War.

Impoverished by the war, my great grandfather had to sell the family farm in 1905. It changed hands three times before Shoprite / Checkers bought the farm last year, which is situated on the highway right next to Barberton. They planned a new Shoprite shopping centre at the site. Excavations started four weeks ago.

Two weeks ago four rusted steel chests were unearthed – containing a large number of gold bars each and filled to the brim with gold Kruger pounds.

My father is acting on behalf of all the descendants of the old president; 147 people in all. We filled the courtroom; the youngest being only six months old. He claimed that the gold coins belong to the Kruger family as we retained the mineral rights on the farm.

When asked about this, he produced a letter written by President Kruger in Switzerland, telling his son (my great grandfather) that there is gold on the farm. They assumed it to be un-mined and thus retained the mineral rights. My father continued that, as gold is a mineral and as it was under the ground, it belongs to the Kruger family.

Shoprite/Checkers, in defence, admitted that they don’t possess any mineral rights, but said that bars and minted coins can hardly be described a minerals; and as such belongs to Shoprite/Checkers.

The find is estimated to be in excess of $500 million.

Chief Justice Umtakati reserved judgement until Tuesday. My father is confident that the judgement will be in our favour. The whole family sit waiting in suspense.

In the meanwhile my father sold the story to a leading newspaper to hit the streets Tuesday (tomorrow) morning, before the court convenes again.

It will be a shocking disgrace if my family is robbed of what is rightfully ours.

Read more

http://www.umjindi.org/pages/history/history_kruger_millions.htm

Continued

http://www.connectingsingles.com/blog_50516_1/fact_and_fiction.htm

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Apr 2013
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Only The Best

You can get the best out of anybody if you push the right buttons; as this story will demonstrate. The very best!

A weary traveller arrived on horseback at a farmhouse seeking shelter for the night; after paying an outrageous amount he was informed that there was no food to be shared.

There was a huge pot with boiling water hanging over the fire. “No worries”, he said. “If I can have that water, I will make us some stone soup.”

While being watched by everybody he produced a round stone from his pocket; about the size of a golf ball. He put it in the hot water.

After a while he lifted the lid to stir the pot.

“Is the soup ready?” asked the farmer’s wife.

“Almost”, he said while stirring it some more. “It is such a pity we don’t have any salt and pepper to put in here.”

“Oh, but we do.” She replied while giving him the salt, pepper and even some spices too.

After a while he lifted the lid again to stir the pot.

“Is the soup ready?” asked the farmer’s wife again.

“Almost”, he said while stirring it some more. “It is such a pity we don’t have any potatoes to put in here.”

“Oh, but we do.” She replied while giving him the potatoes and a few carrots.

After acquiring some turnips, onions, peas and barley in the same fashion, he lifted the lid again to stir the pot.

“Is the soup ready?” asked the farmer’s wife again.

“Almost”, he said while stirring it some more. “It is such a pity we don’t have any meat to put in here.”

“Oh, but we do.” She replied while giving him a large chunk of fatty meat.

After some more time he lifted the lid again to stir the pot.

“Is the soup ready?” asked the farmer’s wife again.

“Yes it is”, he said while fishing out the stone with a large spoon. He dried it and put it back in his pocket. “It is such a pity,” he added, “that we don’t have any bread to enjoy with the soup.”

“Oh, but we do.” She replied while slicing up a freshly baked loaf. “But can we not have that stone?” she asked.

“No dear,” the traveller replied with a deep sigh, “my journey will still last several days. On my return I shall leave it with you”

The soup was enjoyed by all; everybody agreed that the ‘stone soup’ tasted better than anything they had before. He was cordially invited to sleep there again on his return journey.

“Just bring the stone, we will have the other ingredients,” she said as he cantered off the next day; with enough food for two days.

Res Ipso. It speaks for itself. So I rest my case!

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Mar 2013
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To Catch A Liar

Joseph Goebbels, the minister of propaganda in Nazi Germany said that if a lie is repeated often enough, it will eventually be believed as true; no matter how big the lie. That must have been one of the few times he did not lie! And the worse is, the bigger the lie, the easier it is believed. It sounds so unbelievable, therefore it must be true!

Men and woman lie for different reasons. Men, initially, are poor liars. They usually only lie when they think they have to and are normally caught out. Women, on the other hand, are excellent liars and lie when they think they can get away with it; and they normally do.

Lying is a repetitive action. A lie left on it’s own will soon betray itself. It will quickly need another lie to cover some of the inconsistencies of previous lies. Men will mostly leave this for too long and be caught. This is what makes women such excellent liars; they will tell a small lie at first to pave the way for a bigger lie to follow, which is then swallowed hook, line and sinker.

But a man is a fast learner. He very quickly learns to be as convincing a liar as any woman.

Because one lie leads to another, and another and another to keep up continuity, the liar needs to keep track of his lies. This is best done by believing your own lies. At this stage lying had become a way of living and the liar’s entire life is a lie.

The problem is that the liar not only lies to Mary, also to Peter and Paul. But Mary, Peter and Paul are very different individuals with different circumstances and therefore need different lies to fit the situation. This can work ok if the liar can keep track of his lies… until Mary, Peter and Paul get together one day.

Nothing can annoy me more than somebody lying to me; particularly so if the lie was volunteered. I am a good listener, especially for what is said between the lines and for what is not said at all. Those are what normally betray the accomplished liar. And liars tend to repeat their lies – remember what Goebbels said. And he will invent new lies to justify old lies. This is where the small inconsistencies come to light. You see, Goebbels stuck to the same lie. Others allow their lies to grow by adding bits of detail every time the story is told. His undoing!

To catch a liar, never challenge him. Let him believe that you believe him. Ask for detail, if you must, but only superficially. Never interrogate him. He’ll tell you the truth eventually.

How do I know these things? Simple,

I'm the biggest liar of them all. Don't believe a word that I said.

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Feb 2013
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The Language Barrier

Sometimes I wonder if God really intended the lasting confusion on that fateful day when He created languages.

Even when you think that you have mastered a language you often hear a phrase you don’t understand, even if you know all the words in the phrase. The most beautiful aspect of any language can be the most confusing part of it. How do you interpret expressions like ‘catching forty winks’, ‘once in a blue moon’ and ‘a wild goose chase’, if you don’t know the idiomatic expressions of the English language?

Then the meaning of the expression is lost. Worse so if some of the words are strange too. And then an expression like ‘a grass widow’, can have different meanings; depending on the country where it is used.

Another very confusing aspect of most languages is a word that can have more than one meaning. Sometimes the meaning of such a word cannot be easily determined by the use of it in the sentence. At times you need to grasp the entire paragraph (or several paragraphs) to interpret the meaning of one word.

This is complicated even further if you have the same word in your own language with a completely different meaning. And not to mention different words with similar, but not quite the same meanings?

Then I did not even talk about elements like sarcasm and irony where you say exactly the opposite of what you really mean; or what about personification?

I could not understand the comments of one of my most faithful readers in the beginning. Well meaning and sincere, but oh, so out of context! I noticed the same thing when this member commented on other blogs. Then I realised that this person does not understand English at all.

I use a lot of idioms and word play in my blogs. He would latch onto a part of my blog that he can understand, translate it literally and something that was said very much tongue in the cheek, appears to be a serious statement. This often invites a serious comment; a valid comment, but completely out of context with the spirit of the blog.

So my dear friend, do you recognise yourself here? Don’t go! You are not alone; you are in good company. I only used the singular form here not to generalise. I admire your determination to master the language. Every time you read English you learn something new.

I am glad for the trouble you take to read my blogs and your comments are appreciated. Always.

Ps
I would like to make use of this opportunity to wish all you happy souls out there a blessed Easter weekend! Those of you who made a little vacation of it, drive safely and come home alive.

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Mar 2013
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What Goes Around Comes Around - Again!

I stem from a long line of fortune tellers; on my mother’s side. Oh, what a bunch of gypsies! They were card ~~sharks~~ readers, palm readers, teacup readers, galore. No, none of them had a crystal ball - pretty normal in that respect!

I had inherited a beautiful deck of tarot cards from my grandfather.

He said I must not meddle with the cards before I’m ready; the cards will come looking for me then the time is right!

But all this came to an end when he died. My late mother did some accurate telling too, but not half as prolific as her father. Amongst other things she said that I will still bump my head… and I did! She said my mouth will still cause me a lot of trouble… and it did! And she could tell my dad his fortune, any day!

I too have predicted a few things earlier and it happened. Another clear sign of my clairvoyance is the number of times I had said: ”But I told you so!” Every time it indicated an accurate prediction.

So now I am ready for bigger things! So let’s see what the future holds for us in the next 3 years. Hmm, some things are still a bit murky; so it might take a bit more than 3 years for some to become reality.

Oh dear me! Big troubles ahead! I see, I see, I see:

A Big Flood Disaster; Many Lives Will Be Lost.
A Volcano Will Erupt, Causing Lots Of Pollution.
A Corruption Scandal In Africa
An Earthquake Will Rock The Pacific
A Civil War In Africa.
Another Bad President In America
A Big Drought In Africa
Great Famine In Africa
Another EU Country In Trouble
An Oil Tanker Disaster Will Cause A Lot Of Pollution
Student Unrests In China With More Loss Of Lives
More Steroid Scandals
More Tension In The Middle East
A Large Corporation Will Go Broke.
Another Terrorist Attack In The U S A
Political Instability In South America

Eishh, this is all so very depressing; all this bad news. When is it all to end?

But I’m a bit confused now; being new to this. Am I looking at the future or the past?

Not much point in predicting the past, is there? The old newspapers are full of it. I will have to practise a bit more, I think.

Or maybe we must just read more old newspapers.

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Mar 2013
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Three Lessons In Life

Sometimes we make an unwise decision that starts a chain of events, completely out of our control. Normally we regret such a decision much sooner than later, often with no way to recover.

What follows here below is one such a story.

A little bird decided not to fly north with the other birds when the winter approached. When it got colder, he soon regretted his folly and decided to make the journey on his own. It was an exceptional cold winter. His wings started to freeze up and he fell to ground; just laying there in the snow ready to die.

Then a cow came along, not even noticing the bird half buried in the snow, and dropped a whole heap of dung op top of the freezing bird. A normal event; cows are known for dropping heaps of dung.

The heat of the cow dung thawed the little bird and he ate some of it. Being cosy and warm with a full stomach, he felt so happy that he started singing. Another normal event; birds are known to sing when happy.

Along came a hungry cat, and hearing the heap of cow dung singing, he scratched in it. He found the little bird and promptly ate it. To top it off, another normal event; cats are known to eat birds.

That’s all, folks! Yes I'm sorry, the story ends here, but this story teaches us three very important lessons:

1. He who shìts on you is not always your enemy.

2. He who helps you out the shìt is not always your friend.

3. If you are in the shìt and happy about, keep your mouth shut!

Have a wonderful day and try to stay out the shìt.

Ps
Why does this sound like another shìt story to me?

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Mar 2013
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A Small Mistake!

How would you react if you had to walk in on your wife? Would you beat them up? Would you walk out on her? Listen to this!

This fella worked at one of those ready mixed concrete companies; driving one of those trucks with the huge revolving barrels full of concrete. One day he had a delivery to make fairly close to his home. He arrived there some 45 minutes too early and decided to nip home for a cup of tea.

He was very surprised to find this brand new convertible Mercedes Benz parked in front of his house; roof open. He stood there for half a minute admiring the beautiful interior and then he went into the house.

Surprised again, because his wife was not in the kitchen or lounge, he walked to the bedroom. Perhaps, he thought, she was not feeling well.

There he got a third surprise. He found his wife in bed with another guy; so busy they did not even notice him standing there. He made a lot of noise, with a lot of verbal abuse and thought about putting them both in a plaster cast, but then thought better. He turned around and walked out, much to relieve of the two lovers still in bed; he was a massive guy!

He got into his truck and then decided that he’s not going to allow this philanderer to get away like this. He moved the truck into position, aligned the concrete chute and started filling the Mercedes with concrete. He did not stop when the concrete started flowing over; he emptied the entire barrel of conrete over the car.

Just then his wife’s unknown lover come out the house, had a look at the mess in the car, then walked around the house, came back with a bicycle, got onto it and pedalled off.

Eishhh!

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Mar 2013
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Love Conquers All

When I was ten or eleven I read a short story in a magazine, having nothing better to do. I cannot remember the title of this story nor the author’s name. I did not enjoy the story at the time, but it stayed with me to this day. Being young and never been in need of anything, I did not understand poverty at the time.

Today I want to share this story with you. It plays off one day before Christmas in post war London while the scars of war were still very visible everywhere. These were hard times; it describes the lives of a young married couple who were living in a single room; let’s call them Tom and Nancy. It may just have been their names it the story.

Tom had been laid off from his work recently and the couple were living off their meagre saving and whatever they could earn doing any little odd jobs. They were in consensus that there could be no gifts that year. On this day Tom left early to see if he could find something to earn a bit of money. After he left Nancy went on the same crusade.

By late afternoon Tom realised that it would be a fruitless day. He went to a pawnbroker close to where he lived and eyed the polished tortoise shell hair clips he wanted to buy for his wife. She had long black hair reaching to below her waste. After a moment of thinking he took out the only item he possessed that was of any value; a silver pocket watch that he inherited from his late father.

The pawnbroker offered him five pounds. Tom knew it was worth much more, but given the little time left, he accepted. He went on to purchase the hair clips as a gift to his wife.

He went on home and was horrified to see that his wife had cut her hair off very short.

“Why did you do that?” he gasped while handing her the hair clips.

“Oh, it is beautiful!” she exclaimed, “Don’t worry, my hair will grow again. I sold my hair to buy this for you,” she said as she produced a 15 inch silver watch chain.

It is a sad story of two useless gifts, but only years afterwards I realised what a beautiful story it really was. A story about two people loving each other so much that they would voluntary sacrifice the only things they had of value for the sake of the other.

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Mar 2013
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A Bad Start!

When I first woke up this morning I felt groggy. Almost as if I was drinking last night. I walked to the kitchen to get some orange juice. While doing that my father walked in and I noticed that he was walking without his cane.

Before I could compliment him with that, he informed me he is very disappointed with the way I conduct myself lately. I wondered how he got inside and only then I noticed that my front door stood wide open all night and my dog, which should be outside, was laying on the couch.

Then my sister and her husband walked in and she said that since I joined CS I spend all my time on line and don’t even feed my poor animals properly anymore. I looked at my brother-in-law, but he shrugged his shoulders, indicating with his face that he has nothing to do with it all.

Next my niece arrived, her three difficult kids running havoc in my living room. By then I had I splitting headache, and went to the bathroom for some pain killers. As I walked passed my study I noticed that it was empty; even my gun save was broken out the wall. My crowbar that should be in the garage was laying on the floor.

I ran back to the living room telling everybody that my house had been burglarised, but my father said that it was due to my own negligence and I noticed that my ex wife and ex girlfriend, who also arrived in the meanwhile, were clawing at each other. My ex wife noticed me and gave me an ultimatum to finally choose between the two of them; for once and for all.

I stood there trying to think of a nice way to tell them that if I never have to see either of them, it would still be too soon, but then my nephew walked in with his desktop computer under his arm, complaining that I did a bum job when I fixed his computer last week. I asked him how much he paid for the job and he said that was irrelevant; he wants it fixed properly.

That was when I exploded and chased everybody out of my house.

Then I woke up again; feeling groggy and needing orange juice to drink; badly. I just stayed there in bed for ten minutes before I could gather enough courage to get up. I did not go to the kitchen. I went to the study, but on my way there I noticed that my front door was securely locked!

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Mar 2013
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This is a list of Catfoot's Blogs. Click here for Catfoot's Blog List

Catfoot Blog (616)

A Round Tuit.

Blame The French

Fact and Fiction

Found. At Last!

Only The Best

To Catch A Liar

The Language Barrier

What Goes Around Comes Around - Again!

Three Lessons In Life

A Small Mistake!

Love Conquers All

A Bad Start!

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