Catfoot Blog

Some New Medical Terms

Egyptian Flu is a sexually transmittable infection and the host eventually becomes a mummy. This infection is characterised by severe pain at the end of a 38 week gestation period.

The source of the virus is always male and is highly contagious (even when he claims not to be) and will remain so until he gets much older, when he enters a period of reduced activity called ‘impotency’, also referred to as ‘monkey business’.

The source is charged up with a chemical called ‘testosterone’ which fills him with an urgency to infect as many hosts as possible; also referred to as ‘being randy’; a condition that continues until death.

The host for Egyptian Flu, on the other hand, is always female and the good news is that, after infection, it is not contagious at all. The host will continue to be vulnerable to the virus well into her middle years when she will become immune to this virus. This is called the ‘menopause’; also referred to as ‘change of life’.

Like most other viral infections, the symptoms for this infection are not immediately evident. It starts with nausea and cravings, followed by swelling of the abdomen and enlargement of the breasts. The latter half of the gestation period is characterised by contortions of the abdomen and, as previously mentioned, it ends with severe pain. Most hosts will tell you afterwards that it was worth it.

The after-effects of this infection are far reaching. The lesser effects are a flabby stomach, sagging breasts and stretch marks, but these can be remedied, though some hosts don’t bother and this may lead to another medical condition called ‘divorce’. The more drastic effect is the spawning of another source or host for the same infection; luckily latent for some years to come.

This infection can be cured in mid-term and is called ‘abortion’ – frowned upon by most. Abortion can also be spontaneous and then it is called ‘miscarriage’.

If the virus source is not legally attached to the host or if he is contaminated with the earlier mentioned ‘divorce’ later on, he will be levied with a special tax called ‘maintenance’; also referred to as ‘support’.

The source can be permanently rid of this virus by a medical process called ‘castration’ or, less drastic, a ‘vasectomy’. The host can also be permanently immunised by a medical process called ‘hysterectomy’. Such a host is also referred to as a ‘sports model’.

The host can also chemically control infection by using another medical device called ‘the pill’, but this device is known to affect the short term memory and therefore sometimes leading to another medical condition called ‘accidental pregnancy’.

However, the garden pea seems to be the most effective remedy against this infection. A pea is to be placed and kept between the knees of the host and while it remains in place the host will certainly not be infected.

Cold showers are also fairly effective, but must be taken before; not after!

Repeated infections lead to yet another medical condition called ‘over population’.

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Mar 2013
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Feline Friends.

Cats are believed to have been ‘domesticatted’ first about 5000 years ago in the Sudan, then part of the greater Egyptian empire. This was not to be kept as pets, but to protect the grain against rodents.

While excavating an ancient burial site, archaeologists found bones of humans, cats and mice buried in the same grave in Cyprus.

In ancient Egypt cats were treated as gods; worshipped in the temples. The cat was a very important symbol in the Egyptian religion.

People were compelled by law to care for cats. The punishment for harming or killing a cat was swift and harsh. Diodorus Siculus said:

Whoever kills a cat in Egypt is condemned to death, whether he committed this crime deliberately or not. The people gather and kill him. An unfortunate Roman, who accidentally killed a cat, could not be saved, either by King Ptolemy of Egypt or by the fear which Rome inspired.

There was a total ban on the export of cats to other countries, but Phoenician traders stole some and sold them in Europe. In Europe they quickly multiplied and, because of their willingness to kill rodents without eating the grain, became very popular. Because of their good toilet habits people embraced them in their homes.

The Church soon associated them with witches and therefore the devil itself and started a 1000 year cat hunt that would almost exterminate all cats in Europe by 1400 AD. On religious days cats were often thrown off the spires of churches and cathedrals.

The rodent population exploded and the Black Death killed almost 100 million people in Europe as a direct result. Only by putting an end to the killing of cats, the Black Death was brought under control.

It is estimated that the number of stray cats today are more than double that of dogs, but you don’t see them as often, because of their promiscuity and ability to fend for themselves.

You never own a cat. Cats keep humans to pet them. Look well after your kitty; if you don’t he’ll simply find himself another human.

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Mar 2013
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A Forgotten Hero

In 1773, during the early hours of the morning of June 1st, a Dutch merchantman, De Jonge Thomas, ran ashore in heavy seas and a gale force wind near the mouth of the Salt River in Table Bay, Cape Town.

Although the wreck was fairly close to the beach, many lost their lives when the ship broke in two. Some were washed overboard and others jumped into the sea trying to reach the shore, but the strong current of the flooding river took them deeper into the sea.

Many people were standing on the beach, most probably to loot whatever washed ashore. Just before daybreak Wolraad Woltemade arrived at the scene with his horse named Vonk. Seeing the plight of the survivors on the ship, he directed his horse into the water and it swam to the ship. He returned with two people hanging onto the horse. Six more times he repeated this successfully.

On his eight attempt the remaining survivors panicked and too many people tried to hang onto the tired horse. They all drowned; including the horse. Of the 191 people aboard only 53 survived; 14 of them rescued by our hero. The Dutch East India Company provided his widow and children with a pension and named a ship after him.

A Medal for Bravery, instituted in 1939, bore a depiction him. In 1970 it was replaced by the Woltemade Decoration for Bravery, as the highest civilian decoration for bravery in South Africa. In 1988 it was replaced by the Woltemade Cross for Bravery.

A total of thirty-six medals were awarded; one gold and thirty-five silver. The medal was discontinued in 2002, as part of the move towards establishing a new South Africa.

A suburb of Cape Town and a cemetery was named after him. His name was also given to a salvage tug built in 1976; at the time one of the most powerful tugs in the world.

The suburb (and the station) Woltemade is now known as Mutual. The cemetery is being emptied to be rezoned and will probably be renamed. The once powerful tug was decommissioned and scrapped.

All that remains of our fallen hero is a hidden statue of a man and his horse. Sad!

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Mar 2013
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Medals All Round.

I think it is time for a medal or two.

I believe most of us have been on other free dating sites. Well, I cannot speak for others, but in my experience they come short. CS offers activities that you don’t even find at some very expensive dating sites.

Think about it. Blogs, articles, games, quizzes, puzzles, forums, polls, ecards, flowers, messaging and chatting are just some of the things you can participate in. And it not just reading, there is doing as well; you can design your own of everything. I shudder if I think of the job to police all entries for unsuitable content!

But being an IT professional,

I look at websites differently. CS has a well proportioned interface, easy to navigate and not once have I found a dead link within the site.

Ads are the lifeline of free sites and yet, they are being used sparingly compared to some other sites. The ads have a small overhead that loads quickly and are mostly context related. Like the ad on top of your blog; did you notice that it relates to something referenced in your blog?

CS had never hung on me. It is stable and free of errors. I have not encountered a single script error. And a server that is certainly not overworked, with plenty of bandwidth. Any problems I have encountered here was on my side.

The Help Pages are impressive. Granted, a small oversight here and there, but just go to the forums,

you will get help quickly.

Twice I found a tiny problem, not even worth mentioning, but CS fixed it the moment I mentioned it to them.

Now is that not what one would expect from an expensive site? All here for free!

So to all you pale souls up there at CS management: Thanks, you’re doing a great job.

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Mar 2013
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The Truth Hurts

We don’t always like to hear the truth. And if we don’t want to hear the truth, we are part of the lie. It is relatively easy to cope with an injustice – it is justice that stings. Sometimes the truth hurts.

No, don’t go yet – it gets worse.

We have seen a lot of malice and mud slinging on CS lately. Determining who is right and who is wrong and pointing out the culprits is not going to solve the problem. Look closer to home. We all have our insecurities and we are sensitive about it. It is normal.

While reading a blog a while ago, I read a comment that disturbed me. It looked as if it is aimed at me. The shoe fitted and I wore it. Maybe it was not even meant for me, but I had a guilty conscience!

The other day I read a racial joke that offended my right down to my soul. I don’t like racial jokes. I sat down and thought about it for a while; then the truth hit me like a brick in the face. Being a white South African I feel guilty about our past. I don’t want to be reminded of it. I am ashamed. It hurts!

At the moment I am convalescing after a serious illness. I have been successfully treated and I am recovering well. I have not worked for just over a year and will not be able to do so for the best part of this year. Fortunately I was fairly well off before and can sustain myself, but I’m not working – I feel inferior about it. I don’t like people asking about my work. It hurts!

So we start looking for euphemisms. I’m not unemployed; I’m semi retired. I’m not fat; I’m large. Be careful, large is not always the right word; for I have a prominent nose; certainly not a large nose! Then why am I so sensitive about it?

These are the two things that account for most of what offends us; guilt and inferiority – a poor self image; and sometimes we are not even aware of it. Be proud of what you are. If you still get offended, you are not truly proud of yourself - you are only kidding yourself into believing it.

When we talk (and more so when we write) we are bound to offend people. Especially when we tease, joke and mock as I do. Gender, race and nationality seem to be the main topics offending people. When next you feel offended by something, sit back and analyse it. If you look hard enough into your own past you may just find the root deep within yourself. If you don’t find it, don’t attach more poison to it with a comment. Two wrongs cannot make it right!

Learn to laugh at yourself and let CS be the pleasure it was intended to be.

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Mar 2013
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More Wisdom

A little while ago somebody told me to put more fire in my essays. More recently somebody else told me to put more of my essays in the fire. This blog probably belongs to the second category. But I hope you read and enjoy it just the same.

It is not a great blog today. I have been so busy about the baboon article that I did not have time to do much more. But it is ready now. You will find it under My Articles or straight under Articles. ‘Baboons’. What else?

I hope something here makes you chuckle if you can find nothing to apply in your life.

Critics Are Like Eunuchs In A Harem.
They're There Every Night, They See It Done Every Night,
They See How It Should Be Done Every Night,
But They Can't Do It Themselves.

It Is Easier To Do A Job Properly
Than Having To Think Out Excuses All The Time For Failing.

Life Is Hard.
It’s Even Worse If You Are Stupid.

In Just Two Days,
Tomorrow Will Be Yesterday.

I Plan On Living Forever.
So Far, So Good.

It Is Not The Dog In The Fight That Matters;
It Is The Fight In The Dog!

Opinions Are Like Armpits:
Everybody Has Two Of Them And They Stink Most Of The Time.

Time May Be A Great Healer,
But It is A Lousy Beautician.

If You Really Want To Do Something, You Will Find A Way.
If You Don't, You Will Find An Excuse.

The Happiest People Don't Necessarily Have The Best Of Everything.
They Just Make The Best Of Everything.

False Freedom Leaves A Man Free To Do What He Likes;
True Freedom To Do What He Ought.

When You Do Not Listen To Your Conscience
It's Because You Do Not Want Advice From A Stranger.

Brain Cells Come And Brain Cells Go,
But Fat Cells Live Forever.

The Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction;
Fiction Has To Make Sense.

Never Be Afraid To Try Something New.
Amateurs Built The Ark, Professionals Built The Titanic.

There Will Always Be Death And Taxes;
However, Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Year.

A Critic Is Someone Who Knows The Way,
But Can't Drive The Car.

Age Doesn't Always Bring Wisdom.
Sometimes Age Comes Alone All By Itself.

If You Must Borrow, Always Borrow From A Pessimist.
They Don't Expect To Be Paid Anyway.

I've Never Met A Couple Yet Who, When They Were Walking Down The Aisle, Said, 'What We Want Is Three Years Of Happiness, Two Years Of Torment, A Messy Divorce And 15 Years Of Fighting Over Custody Of The Kids.'

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Mar 2013
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What A Wonderful World!

February 2013 was a disastrous month for me. They say things always happen in threes; they’re right!

On February, 1st my father broke his hipbone to spend almost the whole of February in hospital and aftercare.

On February, 19th I had to kill my own cat; my best friend. After a dog attacked it.

On February, 23rd I suddenly aged by a full year – overnight and in my sleep. For some reason it depressed me even more.

Then March came around. Sheer Bliss! All those bad things have disappeared.

I learned that there is life after sixty.

A year too late though, I'm sixty one now! (The previous sentence was added after reading some comments.

)

I also got a new kitten to replace the fallen ‘Meneer’. I named the new arrival ‘Monsieur’. He is almost a split image of his older cousin. Though he could never replace my other cat, I’m sure he’d be the same pleasure to have around. I hope he is as talkative as the other one too.

But what pleases me most is the amazing recovery of my old man. While he was in hospital he looked so old and frail, I thought he would die; and now he’s almost back to his old self again. The strange thing about all this is that his recovery started just after I published that blog about him

(A Blog Of A Different Kind).

I cannot help wondering how many of you out there carried him in your prayers. There is no other way in which he could have recovered that quickly. I thank each and every one of you for that. Not even to mention all those kind things you said. I do appreciate it.

When I joined CS about seven or eight weeks ago I never thought that I would get so involved in it. A marvellous site and wonderful people! Thank you.

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Mar 2013
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Smoking?

So you say you are smoking. Well I’ve got news for you. You’re not smoking. It is the cigarette that smokes. You’re just the sucker at the other end.

You’re the one with the foul breath; the one with ash all over your desk; the one with the stinking room and the smelly curtains. You are also the one who, in all probability, is going to die of emphysema.

Yes, I know that you can’t do anything with nice pink set of lungs in your grave, but what will coffee bags help you until that time? And yes again, I also heard that one about smoked meat lasting longer than other meat, but my dear, let’s face it; that is exactly what you are going to end up as… dead meat.

I suppose you could argue that tobacco had been around for thousands of years and if it really was a sin, God would have forbidden it in the bible, but you are wrong again. Smoking was limited to a handful of nations and then restricted to their rituals, like the Indians with their peace pipes or the Chinese and the Koi-San with their own rituals.

Smoking first became popular a few hundred years ago. In 1612 John Rolfe was the first to cultivate tobacco on a commercial scale. Social smoking, as we know it today, became popular during the nineteenth century and was said to be “totally harmless”. It was even prescribed by some medical practitioners to “calm the nerves”. This, certainly, must have been the misconception of the century.

We all know the consequences of smoking today. The problem is so bad that cigarette manufacturers are forced to print warning messages on their products and insurance companies offer reduced premiums to non-smokers. I am absolutely convinced that tobacco (and therefore smoking) would have been totally banned if it was not that so many people were employed by the tobacco industry and for the fact that governments earned so much revenue in taxes!

But most importantly, what does the Lord think about your smoking habit? After all, your body is the temple of the Lord. Does He really want to live in a house that is always full of smoke? How would you like that? Perhaps, if He really wanted you to smoke, in all His divine foresight, He would have created you with a chimney on your head!

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Mar 2013
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I Cannot Understand...

A very sweet sounding lassie aged 32 contacted me the other day from New Scamland (formerly known as the USA).

This was after she had visited my profile a few times during the previous week. I did not return the compliment by looking at her profile; for at 32 I feel she is still a child and not nearly experienced enough for an old turkey like me!

At first I suspected her to be a scammer, but she was so knowledgeable about my profile and actually paid some lip service too. I started growing wings

(very vain I am). She said she likes me like hell,

wants to be friends and get to know me better.

Now I never believed in long distance romancing, but I am corresponding with a few overseas dollies (being just friends), so I reckoned: why not?

I have a little check list to check for scammers all the time and you might like to jot this down:
1. Look out for poor (French-like) grammar
2. Look out for French-like spelling
3. Look out for using the wrong word (like a French word directly translated)
4. Look out for time zone differences.
5. Look out for questions being ignored.
6. Look for (and remember) any inconsistencies.
7. Look for detail. Reading is not enough. Reading what, and by who?

I checked her out all the time. Like when she said ‘good morning’ it was morning in the state of Illinois where she claimed to be. Definitely no scammer this one. Take this from an expert in the field!

In her second letter she told me she had a hearing problem as a result of a traffic accident some years back. Stone deaf. No hearing at all. No problem, I replied. Also a bit deaf, no accident though, simply old age! No need to hear, as we are writing to each other. She can see well and I have reading glasses. And no, I won’t ask her for nude pictures. Got enough problems with my blood pressure as it is.

Now I am interested, so I look at her profile. Amongst other things, she likes movies and music. Movies I can still understand. Lip reading! We have it here in South Africa too. But the music...

So in next letter I ask her. I tell her I know New Scamland has very advanced technology, and we here in my country cannot hope to grasp it all, but how do you listen to music when stone deaf? And who do you like to listen to?

I wait two days for reply, but nothing. Maybe I offended her, so I tried to visit her profile. Nothing; not there. My inbox is also empty. She’s gone without trace. And my heart is broken. What did I do wrong? No disgrace to be deaf! And nothing wrong to like Music.

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Mar 2013
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A Blog Of A Different Kind.

My old man, now almost 85, had a nasty fall on February 1st. He fractured his hip bone and received a hip replacement. After two weeks in hospital and another week in a convalescent centre for physiotherapy, he went home last week.

He did not like the hospital food and being injured (not sick), there was no reason for him to eat it. I made it my business to see that he got a different variety of junk food every day. This was probably the first time in my life I could do something for him. He always was so self sufficient; he needed nothing and did every thing for himself.

Before the fall he was so active and strong, still driving his own car. I thought that he will live to be a hundred. Now I’m not so sure anymore. While in hospital he looked so old and frail, I thought he’d die any day! Now that he is at home he’s somewhat better, but not a shade of the man he was a six weeks ago. The worst is that he accepted his lot without any rebellion; and then I realised: he wants to die.

Funny, just four days before he fell he told me that he prays every night for God to take him away in his sleep, rather than leaving him a burden to others. If only he would realise that he will never be a burden; not to me, nor to my sister.

How can you ever grow tired of somebody you love and admire to the point of idolatry?

I did not always feel so. It was only when I started working and spoke to other people that I realized what wonderful parents I had. I have lived in the same house since being a baby until the time I got married. Not once did I go to bed hungry. Not once did I sleep cold. Everything I needed was provided. Not that I always got what I wanted; but there certainly was no lack in what I needed.

All his life he worked for the same company; twice he declined promotion as it would have meant relocating and different schools for his children. For seven years my father travelled 80 km to work, crossing a mountain, and 80 km home, not to disrupt my schooling.

I had never seen him smoking. In fact I never saw him doing anything that is wrong. He never used alcohol while he was still working; only since he retired that he would have a glass of wine now and then. Yet he admits to being ‘not perfect’. I guess only he would be aware of those imperfections.

It is wonderful to know that the same house where I grew up is still there for me if I should need it… and sad to know it may not be so for much longer.

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Mar 2013
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Not just the English! The Germans now too!

Hmm, that story about the Boer war reminded me of another exploit…

Rumour has it that a few years ago Germany sent their national football (soccer) team to South Africa on a secret and unofficial tour as a warm-up exercise. All very hush-hush - that's why you never read about it in the newspapers!

They trounced our national team and humiliated every regional team in the country by a margin of at least 4 goals at a time without conceding a single goal once.

South Africa’s own Eulenspiegel, one Koos van der Merwe, then challenged the Germans to a real game. The Germans, tired of playing against no opposition, accepted; thinking Koos might include a few international stars.

The Germans, not knowing what to expect, fielded their best possible team; they were sure surprised to find only Koos and his (slightly retarded) younger brother Jan taking the field. The game started and within seven minutes the Germans found themselves six nil down. By halftime the two brothers led by 35–0. No, it is not a typo.

Fifteen minutes into the second half, with the score on 42-0, Koos told Jan that his stomach was not too well and left his brother alone with the Germans, while running off to the loo. When Koos returned to the game some ten minutes later, the score was 47-1.

“No, no, no!” he yelled at his brother, “What the hell happened here? They got a goal!”

“Sorry Ouboet,” came the reply, “but I also had to go and pee.”

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Mar 2013
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A Diabolical Trap

During the South African Boer War, in the year 1900, an English major moved his battalion through the Free State Republic when he noticed a wounded Boer soldier entrenched on a very steep hill. He surrounded the hill and discovered that it could only be taken from one side.

He sent two of his best men to take the Boer out, but even though there was plenty of cover, his two men came rolling down the hill very quickly... very dead; so he sent five men who suffered the same fate. After deliberating with his captains he sent ten men who also fell; these were followed by fifty who all came rolling down the hill, as dead as all the others.

Fearing that his men might lose morale, he ordered one hundred men up the hill. Ten minutes later they too lay dead at the foot of the hill, but one was still alive; mortally wounded. “Watch out, it is a trap,” he croaked before he expired. “There are two of them.”

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Mar 2013
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This is a list of Catfoot's Blogs. Click here for Catfoot's Blog List

Catfoot Blog (616)

Some New Medical Terms

Feline Friends.

A Forgotten Hero

Medals All Round.

The Truth Hurts

More Wisdom

What A Wonderful World!

Smoking?

I Cannot Understand...

A Blog Of A Different Kind.

Not just the English! The Germans now too!

A Diabolical Trap

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