Catfoot Blog

It’s Just A Matter Of Time.

Time waits for nobody, or so they say. This must make time the most precious resource of all. Once squandered, it is lost forever. It cannot be regenerated or recycled like water or money. No Save and Restore, no rewind and no backspace or delete key.

And yet, some people use their time so effectively compared to others that it does seem to wait for some people, which brings us to the old question; is time constant or relative? Also, if it is relative, then what is it relative to?

Every century a day gets 1.4 milliseconds longer due to the earth’s rotation slowing down, so at some stage it will stop spinning! Will a day then last into infinity?

Einstein said that gravity slows time. I never understood much of what he said but if I understand this one right, astronauts must age a few nanoseconds faster each day they spend in space. Apparently my interpretation of his relativity theory – that if you pull hard enough on your shoelaces, you can lift yourself up into the air – is not valid.

But to come back to Einstein and his sidekicks, some believe that the expansion of the universe is an illusion created by the slowing of time. If that is true, then eventually time must stop altogether, which will make us immortal. All that bothers me about that is how I am going to get my eggs soft boiled if there is no time to measure it against.

And I can imagine some doctors finding it problematic to determine a patient’s pulse rate but that cannot be much of a problem as all mammals have the same lifespan; about 15 billion heartbeats. Elephants only appear to live longer than mice because their hearts beat much slower.

In 1930, Stalin abolished the weekend to increase productivity and the Soviet Union changed to a six-day week. This went on until 1940 when they reverted to a seven-day week; effectively getting rid of more than five hundred days during those ten years. If Stalin could get rid of a day in each week, why can’t we just abolish time? I’m sure we can find alternative employment for all those watchmakers.

All we really have to hope for is that when time eventually comes to a standstill that it happens on a public holiday so work can be abolished with it.

No, I did not smoke monkey weed and yes, what is left of my hair used to be blond once upon a time, but that does not apply to men.

May the new year give you plenty of time to get your things done.

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Dec 2014
in Science
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Romantic Strolls In The Moonlight

Are you one of those who enjoy a romantic stroll on the beach with your sweetheart? Then you better make use of it while you still can. The Moon is about to implode. Large sinkholes have appeared on the dark side of the moon but it is only visible when the dark side is facing earth and then it is too dark to see them.

To enlighten you about the current situation, let’s discard the myths about the moon and face the facts.

1. Neil Armstrong was the first Earthling on the moon
This is a lie. He was beaten to it by a mouse. Yep, a mouse but NASA covered it up.

2. The Moon is made of Swiss cheese
This is not true. It was true about the previous Moon but when the new Moon was installed a few hundred years ago, the price of Swiss cheese was so high that they were forced to use Dutch cheese. However, the Dutch could not meet the entire demand and the shortfall was made good by using cheese from all over the world. So the Moon is truly international and it belongs to all of us.

3. There is a man on the Moon
There is no man on the Moon. There used to be one but he left when the Aliens arrived. It is reported that he now resides somewhere in the arctic regions.

4. There is an Alien base on the Moon
Not any more. The aliens left when the mice got out of hand.

5. There are mice on the Moon
Yes, there are billions of mice on the Moon. We don’t know if it was by design or purely accidental but there happened to be a pregnant mouse on the lunar module when NASA first went to the Moon and she escaped to the lunar surface before Armstrong could set foot on the Moon. With no natural enemies they have grown to billions in number. It is estimated that there are more mice on the Moon than on Earth. NASA denies any knowledge of such an event but they have reserved the right to change their story later.

The mice have started a tunnel system under the lunar surface to sweep their shit into but they have eaten so much of the cheese that the whole Moon is now hollow. The inside of the Moon is just a vast hole halfway filled with mouse shit; and that is no bull shit. Only mouse shit.

May you enjoy this day.

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Nov 2018
in Chatting
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Uninvited Holiday Guests

I wish some of my neighbors would return from vacation. Not that I miss them; I want to give them a piece of my mind for abandoning their pets while being on holiday.

It t started when I found a strange black and white cat eating my cat’s food. She took off like a rocket when she noticed me looking on but I put out more food and we soon became friends. But she appeared to have a split personality. The one day she would purr as loud a diesel engine and even allow me to tickle her tummy and the next time she would take off like a rocket again when I approached.

It took me a while to work out that they were in fact two very similar looking cats; probably a mother and daughter as the wild one is not fully grown. Eventually she came to trust me as well and I had two guests.

Then came the ginger tom-cat. He still does not trust well enough to allow me too closely but he’ll come back into my house when I retreat. Apparently he likes my food but not me. And yesterday arrived another grey female feline. Now I have – other than my own cat – another four mouths to feed and my cat does not like it at all. His eyes are squint and there are fleeces partly covering his eyes.

I called a vet and she said that my cat feels threatened. All I want now is for their owners – I have identified them by now – to return so my cat can have peace again.

There should be a law to compel people to make arrangements for their pets while on holiday.

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Dec 2018
in Chatting
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Is This Law And Order?

Is The Law not an amazing thing?

Originally it was intended to protect the innocent against criminal elements but lately it seems that it is merely in place to protect the rights of criminals while it does nothing for the victim who, apparently, has no rights. Well, so it seems. And it would appear that The Law favors the one who can gather the most and the best liars to testify in his favor.

Even more amazing is that a family man, a father of daughters himself, can afford a temporary lapse in morals to defend a rapist and then be congratulated all round when he gets a guilty criminal off the hook on a technicality, smiling at the journalists all the way to the bank, claiming that justice had prevailed; all for money and a pat on the back. And afterwards he goes home and writes a letter to the local newspaper to complain about the lawlessness in the city.

It is times like this when I wonder why we still have a code of laws. Anarchy can’t be much worse when stealing is okay if the thief was hungry or when murder is tolerable if the murderer was upset and even worse, when a short dress is seen as mitigation for rape.

And when the court gets it right to send a criminal to jail, all you can do is wonder how much of the sentence will be served before he picks up a ‘Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free’ card due to over-full prisons.

Methinks it is too comfortable in the prisons and sometimes I wonder if those convicts are not upset when they are kicked out of the prisons before their time. It would certainly explain why they end up back in there, often within a few weeks.

Enjoy the day and in case I'm not around at the time, Merry Xmas!

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Dec 2018
in Chatting
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A New Range Of Vitamins Discovered

Researchers attached to Social Behavioral Studies at The University of Cape Town yesterday announced the discovery of a new range of vitamins that promote uninhibited happiness.

This comes after fifteen years of intensive research involving some thirty two thousand human guinea pigs, mainly UCT students. According to the project leader, Professor Doctor Lovemore, there are male and female strains of this happiness vitamin which they named Vitamin P and Vitamin V respectively.

The esteemed professor said that it comes as no surprise that UCT students are rated as the happiest students on the planet since the inception of the project which allowed for the opening of all campus hostels to both genders. He added that 24/7 accessibility to the campus sport facilities were also a large contributor to the students’ eternal happiness and that he expected that the recent legalization of cannabis will also have a positive influence even if only to reduce the resistance of unwilling participants.

During the ongoing research these vitamins will be codenamed D*ck and P*ssy. (Note that the asterisks are not due to CS censorship but the actual spelling and the said codenames have no connotation with the words D*ck and P*ssy as censored by CS.) The male strain, Vitamin P, is found in semen while Vitamin V is produced by the female and present in the vaginal fluids.

Apparently these vitamins are inert on their own and need to get in contact with each other in order to generate true happiness, thus effectively putting paid to a minor detail like safe sex as latex products prevent the ingredients of happiness from getting together.

When asked about it, Professor Lovemore admitted to some undesired side effects like unwanted pregnancies, HIV and other STDs & STIs but said that they are working on it. “But what the hell does it matter,” he concluded. “They are too happy to be bothered by such trivialities and as long as they are happy, we are happy. Boredom is the worst evil found at a university campus. We rather see them screwing each other instead of screwing us by torching our campus facilities.”

I truly hope that each of you will find some of this happiness today.

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Oct 2018
in Chatting
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This Is Daylight Robbery!

My brother-in-law just paid me a visit. It was strange to see him during working hours but he just dropped in to bum one of my old phones.

The traffic department confiscated his phone because he used it while driving. He got a R500.00 fine for his trouble. Now I don’t have a problem with that. It is his own fault. It is against the law and he knows it. And the worst of it is that he has a hands-free setup working through his car radio but it was switched off. Silly!

As I said, so far I have no problem. He got what he deserved.

When he inserted his SIM card – they allowed him to take it out – into the phone I gave him, he discovered that his contacts were saved on the phone and not on the SIM card. So all his contacts are lost.

But now listen to this!

In order to get his phone back he needs to pay, over and above the R500 fine, an additional fee of R1,100.00 while the phone is not even worth half of that. And this fee will escalate if the phone is not claimed in reasonable time. If the phone is not claimed within the next three months it will be sold by public auction to recover their expenses. What expenses are they talking about; except for those self-inflicted by the confiscation of the phone. Surely a fine is enough punishment.

I can tell you now that that phone will never see a public auction. It will end up being pilfered by some employee and the traffic department will have nothing to show for their trouble. So, if they must hold the phone to ransom, why not demand a realistic fee of say R250.00? In that way people will pay the ransom and the traffic department will also get something out of it.

This place is getting more interesting by the day,

Enjoy the rest of the day!

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Oct 2018
in Chatting
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A Pain In The Back

This morning I woke up with a sore back for a second day in a row. At first I thought to replace my mattress but I have a good mattress that I bought just over a year ago.

At my age one would expect a mattress to last a little bit longer than a year which involuntarily reminded me that the problem may not be with the mattress at all; it could simply be a matter of age. After giving it some thought I discarded the idea. I did not get that much older overnight. I know some will not agree with me but three days ago my back was still fine and therefore my age is not a factor here.

When I retraced my steps over the last few days to see if I did not sprain my back, it turned up nothing either. The most strenuous activity the last few weeks was to pull the chair out from under the table and every time I did the proper warming up exercises before attempting it. Besides, if it was a sprained back it would be sore all the time and in this case the pain in the back disappears about an half an hour after getting up.

This should not happen. I’m reasonably fit and although I have not gone fishing since I was taken out of my cotton-lined retirement box some six weeks ago, I still run around the block six times every morning before I stash the block under the bed again. Then maybe there is too much blood and not enough seawater in my veins. So will I have to sit with this pain in the back for another three weeks until I can climb back into my retirement box to go fishing again?

Then I remembered my quack telling me a few months ago to give up half my sex life. I did not think much of his advice at the time as, at the present time, my entire sex life can be clearly divided into two parts. Thinking about it and talking about it.

The dilemma is which half do I give up? If I stop thinking about it, I won’t talk about it. That will be giving up sex altogether. It simply won’t do. And if I stop talking about it, I will have nothing to talk about in the pub. Drinking in silence can only lead to more drinking. Perhaps I must see another quack for a second opinion.

Now enjoy the day and don’t be a pain in the back!

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Aug 2018
in Chatting
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Back From A Long Journey.

Ah, it is so good to see all you old geezers again. I’ve been travelling a bit during the last few months and in the process I visited a lot of cities. At times like this I wish I was a long distance truck driver to see the world for free.

I started off with a trip to Electri City but it was a shocking experience. I’ll never go there again. Being charged to go to Capa City I set of at a dizzy speed but I could not stop in time and when finally I did, I was at Velo City. Not a bad place – if only the pace was a bit slower. I did not stay long in Scar City. All the shops were empty and the people were starving.

At some stage I found myself at Univer City where they told me I got it all wrong. Apparently it is not a city at all. Only a large campus to keep a lot of fossilized academics occupied. They suggested that if I want to visit a real city with the same sentiments I should travel to Eccentri City. I stayed there for a while and I must admit that I found not a single eccentric person around. Some of the people had some weird ideas and theories but that is normal, is it not? I think the city got a wrong name.

My next stop was at Elasti City. What a boring place! Everybody was so flexible and eager to follow suit that the entire population followed one another in a large circle around the city. Almost like a snake trying to swallow itself. Not exactly a vicious circle as it was too pacified. Viva City was another strange place. Somehow the people could not talk without using their hands and their body English was excellent; even though none of them spoke English.

Then I spend some time at Catholi City to view all the beautiful cathedrals and churches, I left in a hurry when all the people gathered in a square to cheer a funny looking old man in a red Santa outfit. Too much is more than enough. On my way out I learned that the city is actually a state and used to be known by another name I cannot remember now.

I did not like Dupli City but Simpli City was less complicated. Then I set off for Auda City. This was when I first longed back to CS. The people were bold to the point of rudeness, but not half as bad as those in Fero City which I visited next. That was when I realised that I’ve been away from CS for too long.

Ethni City was almost like back home in my country where everybody tries to ram their cultures down everybody’s throats. At Atro City the nuthouse finally caught up with me. It was a disgrace how they put me in a straight jacket right there in the street with everybody watching. If I was not so used to this kind of treatment I may have been humiliated.

Well, after the inevitable stack of paperwork (with a black pen in triplicate) I was taken to Authenti City to verify my identity before returning me to the nuthouse. So here I am with all my fellow inmates in Luna City. So nice to be with people I understand.

Now enjoy this day.

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Aug 2018
in Chatting
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Who Sleeps With Whom?

What we write in our blogs reveals our souls and it exposes us to the bone in the process. What we say and how we say it is the most obvious telltales of our personalities, but what we don’t say, can give away just as much. People read between the lines because every blogger has a distinctive undertone in all his or her blogs, be that goodwill, humor, loneliness, skepticism, scorn, bitterness, malice, or whatever. That undertone seldom deviates from the person.

Comment posters are not exempted from this. In fact, they are even more vulnerable to it, because comments are more spontaneous in nature than blogs. They come out at the spur of the moment whereas we plan our blogs and have plenty of time to sanitize them before posting it.

Reading comments is interesting and tells us a lot about the author, but when you look a bit deeper, a more interesting pattern unfolds. Try to see who ignores whom, who comments on whose blogs, and note the nature of those comments to the different bloggers, and you can easily see who sleeps with whom.

In real life, we avoid the people we don’t like. Why can’t we do it here? Of course, we may disagree with another person’s view on a topic and we are free to state such disagreement, but why do we have to criticize the person? Is he or she not entitled to certain a view same as we are? Do we have to take it to a personal level?

It is not enough to state our disagreement and scoot off. We have to add a bit of acid to it. Perhaps we all have a bit of a troll in us, only closer to the surface with some than with others.

Enjoy this day and let’s try to show a little more respect to each other.

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Jun 2015
in Opinionated
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When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman.

The other day I read a blog about the perils of marrying a pretty woman. I’m not going to mention names because I’m not sure if I’m allowed to read his blogs, so I do it on the quiet when he is asleep and when nobody else is watching.

I’d probably be accused of not being able to think but sometimes when I think about a blog that I read, I start thinking about what was said and what was not said. And then I want to add my own half penny, but I’m not allowed to comment. Oh, before I forget, I don’t have a problem with blogs on the same topic; it is always interesting to see the different views people have on it though I must admit that a few people around here regularly piggy-back on a topic that is doing well at the time. But their views are still interesting, regardless the motive.

But back to the topic, Even Stevens (composer) had it all wrong. It is not hard to be in love with a beautiful woman unless if you make it so. Beautiful women are used to everybody gawking at them. Granted, they react differently to it; some enjoy it, some are indifferent to it, some are annoyed and others are bored by it. Be that as it may, a beautiful woman is not likely to succumb to every Tom, Dìck and Harry falling over his own feet for her affection. As I said, they are used to it.

As for myself, I normally only date good looking women and occasionally I’m lucky enough to get a stunner. I have found them to have the same reserves as any other woman; maybe even more. So, a guy who gets worried about other guys looking at his date, girlfriend or wife has a little problem that he has created for himself. Men will always look at a beautiful woman, especially when she has the attire and personality to go with it.

Actually, I enjoy dating a beautiful woman. After all, with her choice of available offers, she would not have been with me if she did not want to be. Not only do I find it amusing when the other men compete for her favor but it does me proud. They only underline my good taste in women.

Hang in there, it is almost weekend..

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Mar 2018
in Opinionated
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A Visit To The Nut House

One of the local institutions for the mentally impaired had an ‘open day’ not so long ago. Somebody I know works there and she invited me to pay them a visit and offered to act as my guide. What a revelation! I always thought that everybody were in straight jackets and padded cells. Everybody seemed quite normal… well, that is until they spoke. In fact, it seemed so normal that I was scared that they’d keep me there so I did not stay long enough for my face too become familiar.

The hi-light of the day was undoubtedly the rugby match against another institution of the same kind. But they were playing a different game. The ball was played on the ground, off-side lines were not observed, and throwing punches was part of the game. When a loose scum developed everybody, forwards and backs alike, climbed in. The home team lost the match but certainly won the fights.

But all set aside, it was fun to watch. Discounting the handling errors (which were not blown at all), the game was quite flowing and the whistle seldom blew. And when it did, it took for ever to get the game to stop and everybody back to the point of the ‘infringement’. Methinks the whistle only went when the referee needed a rest. It also appeared that neither team had a kicker. Not a single kick at post, not even a conversion from squat in front of the posts, was attempted. It may be a rule; I don’t know.

During the game a troop of Boy Scouts came marching my way. They were halted and their leader, a tall guy with more decorations than Idi Amin, approached us where we were leaning against my car. Under a spray of spittle I was told that I may not park there. It was a clearly marked parking bay but saw it best to humour him and asked where I should park. He pointed to the adjacent parking bay and stayed until I moved the car before marching his troops off to where they came from. In the process I missed a try being scored.

After the match my hostess took me into an restricted area and when a half dozen or so older ladies behind a 2 meter fence had to be restrained for wanting to climb over the fence to get to me, I decided to leave.

But the visit left me with a few other impressions. Foremost it was the compassion in my hostess for this people. She was born for the job. Then there was a woman pushing a pram with a doll in it. I was told that she stole a new born baby to end up there and another fella, about my age was also pushing a pram; fitted with registration plates, reflectors & a horn and giving hand signals and blowing the horn from time to time as he went along. I wonder what went wrong in his life.

I always thought my hostess had a few nuts and bolts missing but now I understand her better. She has the same problem as policemen and primary school teachers. Have you noticed how policemen talk to everybody as if they are criminals and how primary school teachers address everybody like children?

Have a wonderful day.

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Apr 2018
in Chatting
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49 comments
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To Love Or Not To Love

So many times I heard people saying that they will never love again as it only brings pain but are they not doing themselves short for nothing? There is no guarantee the next affair will be the same.

Surely there must be some good memories sprouting from a sunken love affair. I mean why have the affair in the first place if it brought no happiness? If it brought no happiness then you have only yourself to blame for placing an expectation on something that was not to be. A lover is supposed to make you happy.

Love is too beautiful to be wasted but it needs not to be blind. You have to love with your eyes open. When you see the signs, don’t believe that it will go away for it will only grow worse. Break it off sooner than later and make it a clean break. Rather take a small hurt now than a much bigger hurt later.

Most aborted love affairs end in (or because of) some unpleasantness. That is life. When I think of the relationships I have been involved in, I only remember the good times. The bad times erase themselves with time. Don’t dwell on the shipwrecks of the past. Take the knock, put it behind you and get on with your life. There is no need to deprive yourself of all the joys of a future love. There is another love yet to come.

Don’t miss your dreamboat when it arrives. And if you discover that it is not the dreamboat that you thought it was, there is nothing to prevent you from jumping ship at the next harbor.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.

Have a wonderful day.!

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Mar 2018
in Dating & Relationships
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This is a list of Catfoot's Blogs. Click here for Catfoot's Blog List

Catfoot Blog (616)

It’s Just A Matter Of Time.

Romantic Strolls In The Moonlight

Uninvited Holiday Guests

Is This Law And Order?

A New Range Of Vitamins Discovered

This Is Daylight Robbery!

A Pain In The Back

Back From A Long Journey.

Who Sleeps With Whom?

When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman.

A Visit To The Nut House

To Love Or Not To Love

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