White Lies
Some people believe that there are times when a lie will serve better than the truth and then they call it a white lie. I find it hard to reconcile myself with such a philosophy because I think it is yellow if you don’t have the guts to tell the truth; regardless of the results.
Let’s take a hypothetical case and imagine that your forty year old somewhat overweight mother, wife, sister, girlfriend, cousin, niece or whatever approaches you in a dress that sits way above her knees and asks you if she looks OK. It is obvious that she has her doubts otherwise she would not have asked. Now how do you reply?
You could tell her the truth and there is a possibility that she may be pissed off with you for a few days but she’ll get over it and more importantly, she'll know the truth - if she had not known it before. Or you can deceive her with a lie to make her happy but in believing that lie, she may make a spectacle of herself in public.
I could ask you which reply served her better; the truth that made her unhappy or the lie that made her happy but I won’t. I’ll rather ask you which you can live with better: To displease with the truth or to create a short-lived illusion of satisfaction with a lie. But don’t answer; I’ll leave that with you to chew on.
Of course, if she did not ask, you could have kept quiet. Ok, maybe the ethnics are not right but you still had the option to exercise your right to remain silent. But now that she asked, you are in a predicament. And this gives you another reason to be truthful; for people should learn not ask questions if any of the possible answers will offend them.
Comments (76)
I hear what you are saying and you bring up a valid argument.
What is wrong with people who cannot just accept reality/truth?
There is nothing perfect out in the world...what makes them think they have to be told they are perfect?
I think we all have a certain born-in vanity to have our ears tickled. We want to hear nice things even if we know that it is not so.
Let say you just got back from a medical check. The doctor said that you had a deadly cancer. Coming back home you found your happy daughter who was going to wed asked how you were. Telling her about your cancer would really break her heart. Would you just tell her the truth?
If she asked, yes. At some stage she'd learn the truth in any way and I think that sooner would be better than later. And it will be better coming from me.
Would that be a lie? I think that is telling the truth in a very tactful way.
noun
noun: obfuscation; plural noun: obfuscations
the action of making something obscure, unclear, or unintelligible.
"when confronted with sharp questions they resort to obfuscation"
I love to learn new English words.
As I said, She won't ask if she had no doubts and I repeat; one should not ask a question if you're not prepared to accept the answer.
Its all back to our ownself.
For me, there is a time I have to tell a white lie and
there is also a time and circumstances that needed
me to tell the truth.
If that was me, then I would say that I was and felt ok. Yes, that's a lie.
I would tell her the truth when I found the right time,
at least after her wedding day was over.
But! Suppose It's Not A Lie?
For Example!
What May Not Look Nice To You! Just Might Look Nice To Someone Else....
I cannot say that I have never told a lie, we all do sometimes but I think it is wrong when somebody willfully mislead somebody else.
If she did not ask, I could remain silent until then but she asked! As I said, people should not ask if they are not willing to hear a truthful answer.
This is not about differences in taste. If the person did not lie, it is the truth and there is no problem with that. The fact that somebody else does not agree does not make his statement untrue. He gave an honest opinion. And even if he changes his opinion at the later stage, it does not alter the fact the he spoke the truth - as he saw it at the time.
I suppose $50 can be worth more than the truth.
Hey, no more exotic English words? Come on, Lace a few into your comments again. I love to look up word I don't know.
Recalcitrant I already know and I cannot find q word like locqacity
But maybe I can teach you a new word?
loquacity
noun: loquacity
the quality of talking a great deal; talkativeness.
"he was renowned for loquacity"
synonyms: talkativeness, over-talkativeness, garrulousness, garrulity, volubility, long-windedness, wordiness, prolixity, verbosity, verbiage, effusiveness, profuseness; More
chattiness, chattering, babble, blathering, gibbering;
informalthe gift of the gab, yackety-yak, yakking, big mouth, blah-blah, gabbiness, gassiness;
rarelogorrhoea, multiloquence
"he had a dim recollection of talking with drunken loquacity of his adventures"
antonyms: taciturnity, succinctness
(If that is the only thing they had with them to wear ... ok. We HAVE to fib. Especially if the shops are shut and there's no alternative at all, because bad enough they look awful, what virtue in making them feel awful as well?)
In other words, if my honesty will correct a potential problem, it should be corrected. If there is nothing that can change a situation, though, why make it worse by damaging their confidence?
Here's another example of having to be diplomatic - someone shows me her baby so I can admire it. It is flushed, drooling, has crossed eyes and there's a fresh smell wafting up from the nappy regions. What, I'm going to say eek how disgusting and push it away? I'm gonna fib, Cat!
Kal's example was good. I certainly wouldn't tell happy daughter all was fine and I'd been given a clean bill of health. Neither would I wail out the bad news. I'd wave the question off, saying I was waiting for results, or would be going back to the doctor later, but change the subject firmly back to the wedding. So yeah a kind of fib.
On the other hand if you intend to shorten your lifespan just laugh/lie at your partners mistakes...
Totally agree with Pat on this one.
Some people, lots of people, lack self-confidence. These are the people who need a second opinion.
Generally I would suggest a different way they might do/wear something to improve on the present situation. Or, for example, if they had not already bought the dress, I would steer them towards something better suited. But if they need a white lie to make themselves feel better about themselves, I will give them what they need.
You see, I have this intolerance for a liar. I suppose that makes me somewhat of a hypocrite for I cannot say that I have never lied and even less can I say that I never will (again).
But the fact of the matter is that I will trust anybody - within the scope of the relationship - until that person lies to me. Therefor I say, give it to me the way it is and that is why I say things the way it is. I call a spade by its name.
I may not always comment if not asked, but if some of the possible replies may hurt, don't ask me; for I will reply with an honesty bordering on cruelness.
So how many fingers and toes you have left?
Have a good week im off
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this. I simply cannot see how giving a person a false confidence can be seen as a doing him a favor.
What is more, the people around me know me like this and I believe that they would not want me to change. I have often told people that the look awful. And when they ask me why, I tell them.
There is no malice in it. I just tell it the way I see it and they need not believe me; they're welcome to get another opinion or to follow their own heads. But strange enough, I'm often asked for my opinion. Maybe some people want an honest answer.
I am not talking about you here, but there is a difference between being truthful and being unkindly blunt.
Some people choose to do the latter, and disguise it as the former.
Some people choose to hurt people with their 'honesty'
Me, I prefer to make somebody feel good about themselves if the issue in question isn't going to affect anything either way.
Telling somebody that the dress, they have already bought and like,would be positively accentuated by wearing a scarf rather than saying the dress is disgusting on them may make the difference between them wearing it with confidence or feeling like a pariah wearing it.
I did not know that you had something going with Winnie Mandela. You should be grateful my proposed tax legislation is not in place yet. Maybe we should add a clause to recover old debts as well.
No sweat, I did not think you were referring to me specifically. And I agree that we have to lift those who feel down. I just feel that we can find enough good qualities in any person to build him up without having to mislead him about his shortcomings. He cannot improve on it while he thinks that it's OK.
You have to know and admit that you're drinking too much before you can stop and you have to know that you're overweight before you will make an effort to shed some of it and you have to understand that you're dressing in poor taste before you can remedy it. So to me it does not make sense to tell an obese person he/she is not fat.
Hmm, I'm not going to agree on this. I have a rather "large" cousin and as a result he has all kinds of health problems; including but not limited to heart problems and diabetes. We are all very concerned about him for he is really a jolly good fellow, a family favorite and a delight at any party but he won't shed any weight because he refuses to believe that he is obese.
Anybody I know that is overweight is painfully aware of it.
At last somebody agrees with me.
And I've always said that the Germans are no fools.
These things run in families aa children learn from the parents and continue it.
Very occasionally there is a medical/metabolic reason for it., but that is the exception rather than the rule.
Somebody has to break the cycle of familial obesity to not pass it on to the next generation, but often they don't know how to or even want to
I have another (married on) relative who claims to have some disorder that makes her fat. She claims to eat very little but I have seen the opposite. We once ended up at the same table at a wedding. The caterers were very generous and she got a second helping and then she finished the food left over in plates on the table of at least three other family members before taking two helpings of desert. And she still insists that she does not eat a lot.
But how did we end up here. We were talking about white lies.
I think I already said it; the truth does not need to hurt. And I normally deliver it with a sincerity and a smile though I seldom suggest an alternative or a reason until asked for it.
I think it would have been a porkie and not a white lie if that relative had asked you if she was an over-eater and you said no
There is a series on TV about that at the moment, people not understanding why they are gaining weight because they don't overeat.
The crew puts hidden cameras in their houses, and also follow them to work and other activities. Guess what? They all eat about 4 times more than they should
It is quite a problem. We are a close-knitted family and she is married to a yet another cousin (I have plenty of them and even more nephews and nieces