Hopefully to the next level of relationships...where people put more thought into their future and what they can build together before leaping into things based on chemistry which often seems to overwhelm common sense...
I truely believe that peoole need partners in life...it gets to damn hard always doing things by yourself...not having someone to pick up the slack on those days when it all seems to much, not having someone to nurture when we're in a mood to offer love...these are things we need partners for...yes we could do it all ourselves but how much better is it to share the triumphs and hardships with a partner.
See that is what I'm talking about...are we still supposed to be playing all these damsel in distress games when everyone goes on and on aout honesty being the most important thing in a relationship??
I'm with you on this...the pressure of being needed can be overwhelming...I would think that a man would find relief in having a woman who wanted him but didn't need him...but I'm beginning to think that maybe thats not the case...that men may feel that someone needing them is more valuable, more important to their own self worth???
There is nothing wrong with dedication and commitment...but they need to be to the right thing and it needs to be mutual...In days gone by men could pull the "my way or the highway" thing and get away with it...not anymore though.
To a degree I do as well but it's good having the freedom to leave a situation that makes you miserable and to have appreciation for the things you do.
My mother says she she stayed in her marriage because of her children and her father told her when she was geting married that "once you go, you are not coming back, for better for worse". So when my dad died I suggested to my mom to remary. She said, "No, no way. For him to ask me where is dinner? I am enjoying my freedom and independence". I was shocked to hear that.[/quote
I think we'd bensurprised how many women feel that way.
Thats kind of what i mean when i say the level of expectation is higher...it's no longer acceptable for a man to provide just the material necessities and come home and have the household revolve around his needs.
We all know that in general the changes have been good for women...I'm trying to see how they may be good for men as well.
Do you think your father might have been a different person had the threat of losing his family been an issue...or if his actions were his way of dealing with his own unhappiness, not that it would excuse the behavior.
By expectations for me it means that I actually enjoy being with him... I can provide the material things for myself so my reason to be with someone is that my life is better because they are part of it.
So there has to be a balance in doing thungs for each other and with each other...I certainly don't want someone around who comes home from work, kicks of his shoes and grabs the remote...
I sure these expectations vary from woman to woman
A friend and I were talking the other day about how in some ways it's much tougher for men in regards to relationships.
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
I'll be at a "LET THERE BE ROCK" party where anhone wearing red, pink or hearts will be stripped of that article of clothing and forced to play air guitar...
I have and would do so again...I paid my travel costs and he picked up the going out costs...he had a fab boat we stayed on, and was a lovely guy that gave me the royal treatment...sadly there was no chemistry in RL, but i had a great time and made a new friend...we still are in touch via email.
Its whatever you choose it to be! At 40 I bought a backpack and left the states... I've now traveled most of europe thailand, malaysia, singapor, australia, papau new guinea, all of central america and a little in s. america...
I live on a small island off the coast of Spain now and hope to do some traveling northern africa next year.
I'm the same... I love island life... I can through a rock into the sea from my balcony... and I throw like a girl I've been here 7 years and have a hard time imagining living somewhere else!
Another displaced Scot livin' on a rock... I think your rock is even smaller than mine...
Those mainlanders don't know how easy they have it...they can jump in their car and drive a hundred miles to meet someone...over 10 miles and we have to get on a plane or boat...
Not saying i don't believe you but i've never experienced that... My exhusbands parents didn't even speak english but he and all his siblings all sounded american, also had friends at school who were greek, portuguese, mexican... Who's parents spoke little or no english yet all the kids sounded american...
jbibiza Forum Posts (4,914)
Needed or Wanted???
I think we all are...finding our way through this next evolution of relationships isn't easy.